Chapter 11 - The Life of St.Teresa of Jesus - Autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila

The Life of the Holy Mother
    Teresa of Jesus

    "The Life" 

The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel

Chapter 11

In which she sets forth
- how it is that
      we do not love God perfectly in a short time.
She begins to expound
- by means of a comparison four degrees of prayer,
- of the first (degree)
      of which she treats here;
This is most profitable
     for beginners and
     for those who find no taste in prayer.


- Why Men Do Not Attain Quickly
      to the Perfect Love of God.
- Of Four Degrees of Prayer.
- Of the First Degree.
The Doctrine Profitable
     for Beginners, and
     for Those Who Have No Sensible Sweetness.

________________________
Topics / Discussion Questions
       to keep in mind
       as we read along:

1). How does St. Teresa describe those
      who "resolve to follow (God)
      ...in the way of prayer " ?
        [Life: Ch. 11: #1 ]

2). What obstacles holds souls back
        from progressing ?
     And what recommendations
        pertain to these obstacles?
    [Life: Ch. 11: #1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,13,22,25]

3). St. Teresa compares the 4 stages of prayer
         to 4 ways of watering a garden.

     How does St. Teresa describe the 4 ways
      that the garden (of the soul) can be watered?
       [ Life: Ch. 11: # 11, 12 ]

4a). How does St. Teresa describe
        the labor of those
        who are at the beginning stage of prayer?
         [ Life: Ch. 11: # 1, 8, 10, 13, 14]

4b). In the first degree of prayer',
         what does St. Teresa say is
           the "drawing water from the well"?
           [ Life: Ch. 11: #8, 11, 13, 14]

4c). Although their "soil (is) unfruitful,
         and abounding in weeds,
       what encouragement does St. Teresa give
         to beginners in the first degree of prayer?
            [ Life: Ch. 11: #10, 13, 19 ]

5). What recommendations does she give
          to beginners in prayer?
     [ Life: Ch. 11: # 1, 23, 2,13,25,14, 6, 7, 19]

6). Can a person make progress in prayer
        solely by their own efforts?
         [ Life: Ch. 11: # 13, 14, 25 ]

7). What advice does St. Teresa give to the soul
        who experiences in prayer,
           "only aridity, disgust, dislike, and
            so great an unwillingness
                to go to the well for water,
        that he would give it up altogether,"?
          [ Life: Ch. 11: # 8, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16,
                         17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 25 ]

8a). Why might God grant favors
           to some souls?
            [ Life: Ch. 11: #14, 19, 21 ]

8b). What does St. Teresa advise regarding
          one's observation that
        others are receiving favors from God,
        but not them"?
          [Life: Ch. 11: #13, 19, 25, 18, 20, 21 ]

9). If one does receive spiritual favors,
        what should they do?
        [ Life: Ch. 11: #20, 21, 25 ]

10). According to St. Teresa, why are we given
          trials in prayer and also temptations?
           [ Life: Ch. 11: #18, 19 ]
           [ Life: Ch. 13: #23 ]
            (referenced in foot note)

11a). When is "the greater part of your work...done"?
           [ Life: Ch. 11: #19 ]

11b). When has the soul
             "already travelled a great part of the road"?
               [ Life: Ch. 11: #20 ]

12). What recommendations does she give to those
          who are beyond the beginner state of prayer?
            [ Life: Ch. 11: #13, 22, 23, 24 ]
            [ Life: Ch. 13: #23 ]
              (referenced in foot note)

13). What does St. Teresa teach regarding
          the activity of the faculties during prayer
           [Life: Ch. 11: #13, 25, 22, 15, 1, 23, 14]

14). What did St. Teresa say and advise
           regarding the prayer of those
              with bodily indisposition?
               [ Life: Ch. 11: #23, 24 ]
______________________

1. I speak now of those
         who begin to be the servants of love;

     that seems to me to be nothing else but
          to resolve to follow Him in the way of prayer,
          (He) who has loved us so much.

It is a dignity so great,
that I have a strange joy in thinking of it;

for servile fear vanishes at once,
  if we are, as we ought to be,
in the first degree.

O Lord of my soul, and my good,
How is it that,
   when a soul is determined to love Thee—
         doing all it can,
          by forsaking all things,
   in order that it may the better
         occupy itself with the love of God—

it is not Thy will 
    (that) it should have the joy
  of ascending at once to the possession of perfect love?

I have spoken amiss;
   I ought to have said, and
   my complaint should have been,
     why is it we do not?

for the fault is wholly our own
   that we do not rejoice at once in a dignity so great,
seeing that the attaining
   to the perfect possession of this true love
brings all blessings with it.


2. We
       - think so much of ourselves, and
       - are so dilatory in giving ourselves wholly to God,
that, as His Majesty
      -will not let us have the fruition of that
          which is so precious
        but at a great cost,
so neither do we perfectly prepare ourselves for it.

I see plainly that there is nothing
   by which so great a good
can be procured in this world.

If, however, we
  - did what we could,
  - not clinging to anything upon earth,
  - but having all our thoughts and conversation in Heaven,
I believe that this blessing
           would quickly be given us,
   provided we perfectly prepared ourselves
           for it at once,
     as some of the saints have done.

We think we are giving all to God;
     but, in fact,
        we are offering only the revenue or the produce,
while we retain the fee-simple of
        the land in our own possession.
    (offering the interest but keeping the principal)

3. We resolve to become poor,
and it is a resolution of great merit;

but we very often take great care
   not to be in want,
   not simply of what is necessary,
but of what is superfluous:

yea, and to make for ourselves friends
   who may supply us;
and in this way we take more pains,
and perhaps expose ourselves to greater danger,
   in order that we may want nothing,
       than we did formerly,
when we had our own possessions in our own power.

4. We thought, also,
that we gave up all desire of honour
   when we became religious, or
   when we began the spiritual life,
       and followed after perfection; and

yet, when we are touched on the point of honour,
   we do not then remember
       that we had given it up to God.
   We would seize it again, and
          take it, as they say, out of His Hands,
    even after we had made Him,
           to all appearance,
    the Lord of our own will.
    So is it in every thing else.

5. A pleasant way this,
         of seeking the love of God!

we retain our own affections, and
yet will have that love, as they say, by handfuls.

We make no efforts
   to bring our desires to good effect, or
   to raise them resolutely above the earth;
and yet, with all this,
   we must have many spiritual consolations.

This is not well, and
we are seeking things
   that are incompatible one with the other.

So, because we
        - do not give ourselves up wholly and
        - do not give at once,
   this treasure is
     - not given wholly and
     - not given at once to us.

May it be the good pleasure of our Lord
    to give it us drop by drop,
though it may cost us all the trials in the world.

6. He showeth great mercy unto him
        to whom He gives
             the grace and resolution
             to strive for this blessing with all his might;

For God withholds Himself
       from no one who perseveres.

     He will by little and little
           strengthen that soul,
      so that it may come forth victorious.

I say resolution, (perseverence, tenacity)
  because of the multitude of those things
     which Satan puts before it at first,
  to keep it back
     from beginning to travel on this road;

  for he (satan) knoweth
     what harm will befall him (satan) thereby—
       he (satan) will lose
            not only that soul,
            but many others also.

If he, who enters on this road,
    does violence to himself,
       (by sacrifices of his  time, effort)
    with the help of God,
       so as to reach the summit of perfection,
such a one, I believe,
    will never go alone to Heaven;
he will always take many with him:

God gives to him,
       as to a good captain,
   those who shall be of his company.

7. Thus, then, the dangers and difficulties
         which Satan puts before them
                 are so many,
     that they have need,
        - not of a little (resolution)
        - but of a very great resolution,
      and great grace from God,
         to save them from falling away.

8. Speaking, then, of their beginnings
    who are determined
       - to follow after this good, and
       - to succeed in their enterprise—
            what I began to say [170] of mystical theology—
                   I believe they call it by that name—
                   I shall proceed with hereafter—
        I have to say:

            that the labour is greatest at first;
            for it is
                - they who toil,
                - our Lord, indeed, giving them strength.

In the other degrees of prayer,
          there is more of fruition;
  although they who are in:
         - the beginning,
         - the middle, and
         - the end,
     have their crosses to carry:

     The crosses, however, are different.

They who would follow Christ,
            if they do not wish to be lost,
       must walk in the way He walked Himself.

Blessed labours!
   even here, in this life,
        so superabundantly rewarded!

9. I shall have to make use of a comparison;
I should like to avoid it,
      because
         - I am a woman, and
         - write simply what I have been commanded.

But this language of spirituality
    is so difficult of utterance
       for those who are not learned,
    and such am I.

I have therefore to seek
    for some means to make  matter plain.

It may be that the comparison
   will very rarely be to the purpose—

       your reverence will be amused
          when you see my stupidity.
    I think, now, I have either read or heard
          of this comparison;
    but as my memory is bad,
      I know not where, nor on what occasion;
however, I am satisfied with it
       for my present purpose. [171]

10. A beginner must look upon himself
               - as making a garden,
                   wherein our Lord may take His delight,
               - but in a soil unfruitful, and abounding in weeds.

His Majesty
    - roots up the weeds, and
    - has to plant good herbs.

Let us, then, take for granted
    that this (initial gardening) is already done
      when a soul
          - is determined to give itself to prayer, and
          - has begun the practice of it.

We have, then, as good gardeners,
                 by the help of God,
     - to see that the plants grow,
     - to water them carefully,
          -- that they may not die,
          -- but produce blossoms,
                which shall send forth much fragrance,
                   refreshing to our Lord,
     so that He may
           - come often for His pleasure 
                 into this garden, and
           - delight Himself
                 in the midst of these virtues.

11. Let us now see
How this garden is to be watered,
   that we may understand
     - what we have to do:
     - how much trouble it will cost us,
     - whether the gain be greater than the trouble, or
     - how long a time it will take us.

It seems to me that
  the garden may be watered in four ways:
    - (1) by water taken out of a well,
                which is very laborious; or
    - (2) with water raised by means of an engine
                and buckets, drawn by a windlass—
                  I have drawn it this way sometimes—
                  it is a less troublesome way than the first,
                      and gives more water; or
    - (3) by a stream or brook,
               whereby the garden
                     is watered in a much better way—
                  for the soil is more thoroughly saturated,
                  and there is no necessity to water it so often,
                  and the labour of the gardener is much less; or
    - (4) by showers of rain,
                when our Lord, Himself, waters it,
                      without labour on our part—
                and this way is incomparably better
                      than all the others of which I have spoken.

12. Now, then, for the application
     of these four ways of irrigation
             by which the garden is to be maintained;
     for without water it must fail.

The comparison is to my purpose,
   and it seems to me that by the help of it,
      I shall be able to explain, in some measure,
        the four degrees of prayer
              to which our Lord,
                   of His goodness,
              has occasionally raised my soul.

May He graciously grant
   that I may so speak
     as to be of some service to one of those
       who has commanded me to write,
          (her Confessor)
       whom our Lord has raised
                in four months
            to a greater height than I have reached
                in seventeen years!

He (her Confessor) prepared himself
      better than I did,
  and therefore is his garden
     without labour on his part,
            irrigated by these four waters—
              though the last of them is only drop by drop;
  but it is growing in such a way, that soon,
       by the help of our Lord,
     he will be swallowed up therein,

   and it will be a pleasure to me,
     if he finds my explanation absurd,
   that he should laugh at it.

13. Of those who are beginners in prayer,
                we may say,
        that they are those
           - who draw the water up out of the well—
                 a process which, as I have said,
                        is very laborious;

           for they must be wearied
                 in keeping the senses recollected,
           and this is a great labour,
              because the senses have been hitherto
                  accustomed to distractions.

It is necessary for beginners to accustom themselves
  - to disregard what they hear or see, and
  - to put it away from them during the time of prayer;
  - they must be alone, and in retirement
       think over their past life.

Though all must do this many times,
    beginners as well as those more advanced;
all, however, must not do so equally,
     as I shall show hereafter. [172]

Beginners at first suffer much,
   because they are not convinced  
        that they are penitent for their sins;
    and yet they are,
     because they are
              so sincerely resolved on serving God.

  They must strive
      - to meditate on the life of Christ,
            and the understanding is wearied thereby.

  Thus far we can advance of ourselves—
      that is, by the grace of God—
           for without that,
                as every one nows,
           we never can have one good thought.

14. This is beginning
              to draw water up out of the well.

God grant there may be water in it!
That, however, does not depend on us;
   we are drawing it, and
        doing what we can towards watering the flowers.

So good is God, that when,
      for reasons known to His Majesty—
             perhaps for our greater good—
      it is His will the well should be dry,
         He Himself preserves the flowers without water—
    we, like good gardeners, doing what lies in our power
           and makes our virtues grow.

    By water here I mean tears,
        and if there be none,
                then tenderness and
                         an inward feeling of devotion.

15. What, then, will he do here
              who sees that, for many days,
         he is conscious
                  only of aridity, disgust, dislike,
                  and so great an unwillingness
                       to go to the well for water,
            that he would give it up altogether,
                 if he did not remember
                     that he has to please and serve
                             the Lord of the garden;

                 if he did not trust
                   that his service was not in vain,
                 and did not hope
                    for some gain by a labour so great
                  as that of lowering the bucket
                          into the well
                  so often, and
                     drawing it up without water in it?

      It will happen
           that he is often
                unable to move his arms for that purpose,
                or to have one good thought:
            working with the understanding
                 is drawing water out of the well.

16. What, then, once more, will the gardener do now?
He must
   - rejoice and
   - take comfort, and
   - consider it as the greatest favour
        to labour in the garden
            of so great an Emperor;
      and as he knows
        that he is pleasing Him  (God) in the matter—
      and his purpose must not be to please himself,
                   but (to please) Him (God)—
  - let him praise Him greatly
                   for the trust He has in him—
            for He sees that,
                   without any recompense,
                 he is taking so much care
                        of that which has been confided to him;

  - let him help Him to carry the Cross, and
  - let him think how He carried it all His life long;
  - let him not seek his kingdom here,
      nor ever intermit his prayer; and
  - so let him resolve,
        if this aridity should last even his whole life long,
            never to let Christ fall down beneath the Cross.
             [173]

17. The time will come when he shall be paid once for all.
Let him have no fear that his labour is in vain:
    he serves a good Master,
        Whose eyes are upon him.

Let him make no account of evil thoughts,
    but remember that Satan suggested them
            to St. Jerome also in the desert. [174]

These labours have their reward, I know it;
  for I am one who underwent them for many years.

When I drew but one drop of water
           out of this blessed well,
    I considered it was a mercy of God.

I know these labours are very great, and require,
         I think,
     greater courage than many others in this world;

     but I have seen clearly that God
        does not leave them without a great recompense,
                even in this life;

      for it is very certain that in one hour,
          during which our Lord gave me
                to taste His sweetness,
      all the anxieties which I had to bear
         when persevering in prayer seem to me
                ever afterwards perfectly rewarded.

18. I believe that it is our Lord's good pleasure
    frequently in the beginning, and at times in the end,
         to send these torments,
             and many other incidental temptations,
                    - to try those who love Him, and
                    - to ascertain if they will drink the chalice,
                           [175]
                       and help Him to carry the Cross,
                          before He intrusts them
                             with His great treasures.

    I believe it to be for our good
         that His Majesty should lead us by this way,
       so that we may perfectly understand
           how worthless we are;

      for the graces which He gives afterwards
           are of a dignity so great,
                 - that He will have us by experience
                        know our wretchedness
                    before He grants them,
                      that it may not be with us
                         as it was with Lucifer.

19. What canst Thou do, O my Lord,
            that is not for the greater good of that soul
               which Thou knowest to be already Thine, and
               which gives itself up to Thee
                     to follow Thee whithersoever Thou goest,
                           even to the death of the Cross; and
               which is determined to help Thee
                     to carry that Cross,
                  and not to leave Thee alone with it?

He who shall discern this resolution in himself
            has nothing to fear:

no, no; spiritual people have nothing to fear.

There is no reason why he should be distressed
    who is already raised to so high a degree as this
            is of wishing
                - to converse in solitude with God, and
                - to abandon the amusements of the world.

The greater part of the work is done;
- give praise to His Majesty for it, and
- trust in His goodness
       who has never failed those who love Him.

- Close the eyes of your imagination, and
- do not ask
       why He gives
                -- devotion to this person
                            in so short a time, and
                -- none to me
                            after so many years.

- Let us believe that all is for our greater good;
- let His Majesty guide us whithersoever He will:
        we are not our own, but His.
  
   He shows us mercy enough
        when it is His pleasure
     we should be willing to dig in His garden,
           and to be so near the Lord of it:
     He certainly is near to us.

   If it be His will
       that these plants and flowers should grow—
          some of them
                 when He gives water we may draw
                  from the well,
          others when He gives none—
                 what is that to me?
Do Thou, O Lord, accomplish Thy will;

let me never offend Thee,
Nor let my virtues perish;

        if Thou hast given me any,
                  it is out of Thy mere goodness.

I wish to suffer, because Thou, O Lord, hast suffered;
Do Thou in every way fulfil Thy will in me, and
May it never be the pleasure of Thy Majesty
     that a gift of so high a price as that of Thy love,
          be given to people who serve Thee
               only because of the sweetness they find thereby.

20. It is much to be observed,
     and I say so because I know by experience,
          that the soul
              which, begins to walk
                   in the way of mental prayer with resolution,
              and is determined not to care much,
                  neither to rejoice nor to be greatly afflicted,
                       whether sweetness and tenderness fail it,

        or our Lord grants them,
             has already travelled a great part of the road.

         Let that soul, then, have no fear that it is going back,
             though it may frequently stumble;
         for the building is begun on a firm foundation.

It is certain that the love of God does
         not consist in tears,
         nor in this sweetness and tenderness
               which we for the most part desire, and
               with which we console ourselves;
         but rather in serving Him
               in justice, fortitude, and humility.

That seems to me to be a receiving
         rather than a giving of anything on our part.

21. As for poor women,
       such as I am, weak and infirm of purpose,
it seems to me to be necessary that
      I should be led on through consolations,
 as God is doing now,
      so that I might be able to endure certain afflictions
  which it has pleased His Majesty I should have.

But when the servants of God,
    who are men of weight, learning, and sense,
make so much account, as I see they do,
   whether God gives them
              sweetness in devotion or not,
   I am disgusted when I listen to them.

I do not say that they ought not to accept it,
   and make much of it,
        when God gives it—
because, when He gives it,
       His Majesty sees it to be necessary for them—

but I do say that they ought not to grow weary
       when they have it not.

They should then
        - understand that they have no need of it, and
        - be masters of themselves,
     when His Majesty does not give it.

Let them be convinced of this,
     there is a fault here;

     I have had experience of it, and know it to be so.

Let them believe it as an imperfection: they
     - are not advancing in liberty of spirit,
     - but shrinking like cowards from the assault.

22. It is not so much
- to beginners that I say this—
    though I do insist upon it,
       because it is of great importance to them
       that they should begin
               with this liberty and resolution—
- as to others, of whom there are many,
    who make a beginning, but never come to the end;
             (never progress as far as  the goal)
       and that is owing,
                   I believe, in great measure,
       to their not having embraced the Cross
                  from the first.

They are distressed,
   - thinking they are doing nothing;
   - the understanding ceases from its acts,
   - and they cannot bear it.

Yet, perhaps, at that very time,
   - the will is feeding  
       and gathering strength, and
   -they know it not.

23. We must suppose
            that our Lord does not regard these things;
                - for though they seem to us to be faults,
                - yet they are not.

His Majesty knoweth our misery and natural vileness
      better than we do ourselves.

He knoweth that these souls long to be always
  - thinking of Him and l
  - loving Him.

It is this resolution that He seeks in us;

the other anxieties
           which we inflict upon ourselves
     serve to no other end but to disquiet the soul—

        which, if it be unable
                    to derive any profit in one hour,
                    will by them be disabled for four.

This comes most frequently from bodily indisposition—
    I have had very great experience in the matter,
    and I know it is true;
for I have carefully observed it
    and discussed it afterwards with spiritual persons—

        for we are so wretched,
          that this poor prisoner of a soul
                shares in the miseries of the body.

The changes of the seasons,
    and the alterations of the humours,
very often compel it, without fault of its own,
   not to do what it would,
but rather to suffer in every way.

Meanwhile, the more
                               we force the soul on these occasions,
                     the greater the mischief, and
                     the longer it lasts.

Some discretion must be used,
     in order to ascertain
          whether ill-health be the occasion or not.

The poor soul must not be stifled.
Let those who thus suffer
           understand that they are ill;
    a change should be made in the hour of prayer,
    and oftentimes that change
         should be continued for some days.

Let souls pass out of this desert as they can,
     for it is very often the misery
                     of one that loves God
              to see itself l
                   - living in such wretchedness,
                   -  unable to do what it would,
          because it has to keep so evil a guest as the body.

24. I spoke of discretion,
    because sometimes the devil will do the same work;
   
and so it is not always right
  - to omit prayer when the understanding
         is greatly distracted and disturbed,
  - nor to torment the soul to the doing of
         that which is out of its power.

There are other things then to be done—
      exterior works,
              as of charity and spiritual reading—
         though at times the soul will not be able to do them.

Take care, then, of the body, for the love of God,
   because at many other times
        the body must serve the soul;

and let recourse be had to some recreations—
      holy ones—such as
              conversation,
              or going out into the fields,
          as the confessor shall advise.

Altogether, experience is a great matter,
     and it makes us understand
          what is convenient for us.

Let God be served in all things—
        His yoke is sweet; [176]
        and it is of great importance
               that the soul
                  - should not be dragged,
                         as they say,
                  - but carried gently,
                 that it may make greater progress.

25. So, then, I come back
                 to what I advised before [177] —
and though I repeat it often, it matters not;

it is of great importance
   that no one should distress himself
           - on account of aridities, or
           - because his thoughts are restless and distracted;
  
neither should he be afflicted thereat,
   if he would attain to liberty of spirit,
   and not be always in trouble.

Let him begin by not being afraid of the Cross,
and he will see
    - how our Lord will help him to carry it,
    - how joyfully he will advance, and
    - what profit he will derive from it all.

It is now clear,
    if there is no water in the well,
        that we at least can put none into it.

It is true
   we must not be careless about drawing it
        when there is any in it,
   because at that time
         it is the will of God to multiply our virtues
                by means thereof.
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[170] [166]Ch. 10 # 1.
[171] 2. Vide St. Bernard, in Cantic. Serm. 30. n. 7, ed. Ben.
[172] [167]Ch. 13 #23
[173] See [168]ch. 15 #7
[174] Epist. 22, ad Eustochium:
"O quoties ego ipse in eremo constitutus, et
in illa vasta solitudine quæ exusta solis
ardoribus horridum monachis
præstat habitaculum putabam me Romanis
interesse deliciis. Sedebam
solus. . . Horrebant sacco membra deformia. . . .
Ille igitur ego, qui ob
Gehennæ metum tali me carcere damnaveram,
scorpionum tantum socius et
ferarum, sæpe choris intereram puellarum,
pallebant ora jejuniis, et mens
desideriis æstuabat in frigido corpore,
et ante hominem sua jam carne
præmortuum sola libidinum incendia bulliebant."
[175] St. Matt. 20; 22: "Potestis bibere calicem?"
[176] St. Matt. 11; 30: "Jugum enim meum suave est."
[177] [169]# 18.
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