The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel.
CHAPTER 20
- She speaks of the difference
between Union and Trance, and
- explains what a Trance is;
- she also says something about the good
a soul derives from being,
through God's goodness,
led so far.
- She speaks of the effects of Union.
_____________________________
- The difference between union and rapture.
- What rapture is.
- The blessing it is to the soul.
- The effects of it.
______________________________
CHAPTER 20
Topics / Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along
1). How does St. Teresa describe
the difference between
Union with God and Rapture ?
[ Life: Ch. 20: # 2,3,4,9,10,
15,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,29,
30,31,32,33,34,36,37,38 ]
2). From her experience with raptures,
what does St Teresa say
regarding her fears, resistance,
and her prayerful response?
[ Life: Ch. 20: # 2,4,5,6,7,8,9 ]
3). How did St. Teresa describe a
most recent type of distress / pain
that she was experiencing ?
[ Life: Ch. 20: #10,11,12,13,14,15,16
17,19,20,21,22,23 ]
4). Because"......the pain has increased so
much..."it seeks solitude no longer".
[ Life: Ch. 20: #18 ]
In describing her most recent distress,
what does St. Teresa say
about companionship ?
[ Life: Ch. 20: #12,13,15,17,18,
31,34,38]
5). Why did St. Teresa
"esteem this grace
(her current state)
more than all the others
( that God) had given me"
[ Life: Ch. 20: #21,22 ]
6). Why did St. Teresa
"expound...at such great length"
on the subject of raptures?
[ Life: Ch. 20: #27, 28 ]
______________________
Chapter 20
1. I wish I could explain,
with the help of God, wherein
union differs
from rapture, or
from transport, or
from flight of the spirit, as they speak, or
from a trance,
which are all one. [1]
I mean, that all these are
- only different names
for that one and the same thing,
which is also called ecstasy. [2]
It is
- more excellent than union,
- the fruits of it are much greater, and
- its other operations more manifold;
for union is uniform
in the beginning,
the middle, and
the end, and is so
also interiorly.
But as raptures
- have ends of a much higher kind,
- they produce effects both within and without. [3]
As our Lord has explained the other matters,
so also may He explain this;
for certainly, if He had not shown me
in what way and
by what means
this explanation was in some measure possible,
I should never have been able to do it.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #1 ]
2. Consider we now that
this last water,
of which I am speaking,
is so abundant
that, were it not that the ground
refuses to receive it,
we might suppose
that the cloud of His great Majesty
is here raining down upon us on earth.
And when we are giving Him thanks
for this great mercy,
drawing near to Him in earnest,
with all our might,
then it is our Lord draws up the soul,
as the clouds, so to speak,
gather the mists from the face of the earth,
and carries it away out of itself,--
I have heard it said that
the clouds, or the sun,
draw the mists together, [4]--and
as a cloud,
rising up to heaven,
takes the soul with Him, and
begins to show it the treasures of the kingdom
which He has prepared for it.
I know not whether the comparison
be accurate or not;
but the fact is,
that is the way in which it is brought about.
During rapture,
- the soul does not seem to animate the body,
- the natural heat of which is perceptibly lessened;
-- the coldness increases,
- though accompanied with exceeding joy
and sweetness. [5]
[ Life: Ch. 20: #2 ]
3. - A rapture is absolutely irresistible;
whilst union,
inasmuch as
- we are then on our own ground,
- may be hindered,
-- though that resistance be painful and violent;
-- it is, however, almost always impossible.
Note: (Blog note) Spanish version*: "resistir se puede casi siempre" English: "To resist can almost always " "can almost always resist" Peers translation: "resistance may be painful and violent but it can almost always be effected" End (of Blog note) |
But rapture, for the most part,
- is irresistible.
- It comes, in general, as a shock, quick and sharp,
- before you can collect your thoughts,
or help yourself in any way, and
- you see and feel it as a cloud, or a strong eagle
rising upwards, and
carrying you away on its wings.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #3 ]
4. I repeat it:
- you feel and see yourself carried away,
you know not whither.
- For though we feel how delicious it is,
- yet the weakness of our nature
makes us afraid at first, and
- we require a much more
resolute and courageous spirit
than in the previous states,
in order
-- to risk everything,
come what may, and
-- to abandon ourselves into the hands of God,
-- and go willingly whither we are carried,
seeing that we must be carried away,
however painful it may be; and
- so trying is it,
that I would very often resist,
and exert all my strength,
particularly at those times
when the rapture was coming on me in public.
I did so, too, very often when I was alone,
because I was afraid of delusions.
Occasionally I was able, by great efforts,
to make a slight resistance;
but afterwards I was worn out,
like a person who had been contending
with a strong giant;
at other times it was impossible
to resist at all:
my soul was carried away,
and almost always my head with it,--
I had no power over it,--
and now and then the whole body as well,
so that it was lifted up from the ground.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #4 ]
5. This has not happened to me often:
Once, however, it took place
when we were all together in choir, and
I, on my knees,
on the point of communicating.
It was a very sore distress to me;
for I thought it a most extraordinary thing,
and was afraid it would occasion much talk;
so I commanded the nuns--
for it happened after I was made Prioress--
never to speak of it.
But at other times, the moment
I felt that our Lord was about to repeat the act,
and once, in particular, during a sermon,--
it was the feast of our house,
some great ladies being present,--
I threw myself on the ground;
then the nuns came around me to hold me;
but still the rapture was observed.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #5 ]
6. I made many supplications to our Lord,
that He would be pleased
to give me no more of those graces
which were outwardly visible;
- for I was weary of living
under such great restraint, and
- because His Majesty could not bestow
such graces on me
without their becoming known.
Note: (Blog Note) Spanish version*: "Su Majestad hacérmela sin que se entendiese." English: His Majesty could accomplish it without its being grasped/comprehended (by others) Peers translation: "His Majesty could grant me that favour without its becoming known." End (of Blog Note) |
It seems that, of His goodness,
He has been pleased to hear my prayer;
for I have never been enraptured since.
It is true that it was not long ago. [6]
[ Life: Ch. 20: #6 ]
7. It seemed to me,
when I tried to make some resistance,
as if a great force beneath my feet
lifted me up.
I know of nothing with which to compare it;
but it was much more violent
than the other spiritual visitations, and
I was therefore as one ground to pieces;
for it is a great struggle,
and, in short, of little use,
whenever our Lord so wills it.
There is no power against His power.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #7 ]
8. At other times He is pleased to be satisfied
when He makes us see
that He is ready to give us this grace, and
that it is not He
that withholds it.
Then, when we resist it out of humility,
He produces those very effects
which would have resulted
if we had fully consented to it.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #8 ]
9. The effects of rapture
are great:
- one is that the mighty power of our Lord
is manifested;
- and as we are not strong enough,
when His Majesty wills it,
to control either soul or body,
so neither have we any power over it;
but, whether we like it or not,
we see
- that there is one mightier than we are,
- that these graces are His gifts, and
- that of ourselves
we can do nothing whatever; and
- humility is deeply imprinted in us.
And further, I confess
that it threw me into great fear,
very great indeed at first;
for when I saw
my body thus lifted up from the earth,
how could I help it?
Though the spirit draws it upwards after itself,
and that with great sweetness,
if unresisted,
the senses are not lost;
at least, I was so much myself
as to be able to see that I was being lifted up.
The majesty of Him
who can effect this
so manifests itself,
that the hairs of my head stand upright, [7]
and a great fear comes upon me
of offending God, who is so mighty.
This fear is bound up in exceedingly great love,
which is acquired anew,
and directed to Him,
who, we see, bears so great a love
to a worm so vile, and
who seems not (only) to be satisfied
with attracting the soul to Himself
in so real a way,
but
who will have the body also,
though it be
-- mortal and
-- of earth so foul,
such as it is
through our sins, which are so great.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #9 ]
10. Rapture leaves behind
- a certain strange detachment also,
which I shall never be able to describe;
I think I can say that it is
in some respects different from--
yea, higher than--the other graces,
which are simply spiritual;
for though these effect a complete
detachment in spirit from all things,
it seems that in this of rapture
our Lord would have the body itself
to be detached also:
and thus a certain singular estrangement
from the things of earth is wrought,
which makes life much more distressing.
Afterwards it causes a pain,
which we can never inflict of ourselves,
nor remove when once it has come.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #10 ]
11. I should like very much to explain
this great pain, and
I believe I shall not be able;
however, I will say something if I can.
And it is to be observed that
this is my present state,
and one to which I have been brought
very lately,
after all the visions and revelations
of which I shall speak, and
after that time, wherein I gave myself to prayer,
in which our Lord gave me
so much sweetness and delight. [8]
Even now I have that sweetness occasionally;
but it is the pain of which I speak
that is the most frequent and the most common.
It varies in its intensity.
I will now speak of it
when it is sharpest;
for I shall speak later on [9]
of the great shocks
I used to feel
when our Lord would throw me
into those trances,
and which are, in my opinion,
as different
from this pain
as the most corporeal thing is
from the most spiritual;
and I believe that
I am not exaggerating much.
For though the soul feels that pain,
- it is in company with the body; [10]
- both soul and body apparently share it,
and
- it is not attended
with that extremity of abandonment
which belongs to this.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #11 ]
12. As I said before, [11]
we have no part in causing this pain;
but very often
there springs up a desire unexpectedly,--
I know not how it comes,--
and because of this desire,
which pierces the soul in a moment,
the soul begins to be wearied,
so much so that
it rises upwards above itself,
and above all created things.
God then so strips it of everything, that,
do what it may,
there is nothing on earth
that can be its companion.
Neither, indeed, would it wish to have any;
it would rather die in that loneliness.
If people spoke to it, and
if itself made every effort possible to speak,
it would be of little use:
the spirit, notwithstanding all it may do,
cannot be withdrawn from that loneliness;
and though God seems, as it were,
far away from the soul at that moment,
yet He reveals His grandeurs at times
in the strangest way conceivable.
That way is indescribable;
I do not think any one can believe
or comprehend it
who has not previously had experience of it.
It is a communication made,
not to console,
but to show the reason
why the soul must be weary;
because it is far away from the Good
which in itself comprehends all good.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #12 ]
13. In this communication
- the desire grows,
- so also does the bitterness of that loneliness
wherein the soul beholds itself,
suffering a pain so sharp and piercing
that, in that very loneliness in which it dwells
it may literally say of itself,--
and perhaps the royal prophet said so,
being in that very loneliness himself,
except that our Lord may have granted to him,
being a saint, to feel it more deeply,--
"Vigilavi, et factus sum sicut passer solitarius
in tecto." [12]
Psalm ci. 8:
"I have watched, and
become as a sparrow
alone on the house-top."
These words presented themselves to me
in such a way that I thought
I saw them fulfilled in myself.
It was a comfort to know
that others had felt this extreme loneliness;
how much greater my comfort,
when these persons were such as David was!
The soul is then--so I think--
not in itself,
but on the house-top, or on the roof,
above itself, and
above all created things;
for it seems to me
to have its dwelling higher
than even in the highest part of itself.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #13]
14. On other occasions,
the soul seems to be, as it were,
in the utmost extremity of need,
asking itself, and saying,
"Where is Thy God?" [13]
Psalm 41; 4: "Ubi est Deus tuus?"
And it is to be remembered,
that I did not know how to express in Spanish
the meaning of those words.
Afterwards, when I understood what it was,
I used to console myself with the thought,
that our Lord,
without any effort of mine,
had made me remember them.
At other times, I used to recollect
a saying of St. Paul's, to the effect
that he was crucified to the world. [14]
I do not mean that this is true of me:
I know it is not;
but I think
it is the state of the enraptured soul.
No consolation reaches it from heaven,
and it is not there itself;
it wishes for none from earth,
and it is not there either;
but it is, as it were,
- crucified between heaven and earth,
- enduring its passion:
- receiving no succour from either.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #14]
15. Now, the succour it receives from heaven--
which, as I have said, [15]
is a most marvellous knowledge of God,
above all that we can desire--
brings with it greater pain;
for the desire then so grows,
that, in my opinion,
its intense painfulness now and then
robs the soul of all sensation;
only, it lasts but for a short time
after the senses are suspended.
It seems as if it were the point of death;
only, the agony carries with it so great a joy,
that I know of nothing
wherewith to compare it.
It is a sharp martyrdom,
full of sweetness;
for if any earthly thing
be then offered to the soul,
even though it may be that
which it habitually found most sweet,
the soul will have none of it;
yea, it seems to throw it away at once.
The soul sees distinctly
that it seeks nothing but God;
yet its love dwells not
on any attribute of Him in particular;
it seeks Him as He is, and
knows not what it seeks.
I say that it knows not,
because the imagination
forms no representation whatever;
and, indeed, as I think,
during much of that time
the faculties are at rest.
Pain suspends them then,
as joy suspends them
in union and in a trance.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #15]
16. O Jesus! oh, that some one would
clearly explain this to you, my father,
were it only that you may tell me
what it means,
because this is the habitual state of my soul!
Generally, when I am not particularly occupied,
I fall into these agonies of death, and
I tremble when I feel them coming on,
because they are not unto death.
But when I am in them,
I then wish to spend therein
all the rest of my life,
though the pain be so very great,
that I can scarcely endure it.
Sometimes
- my pulse ceases, as it were,
to beat at all,--
so the sisters say,
who sometimes approach me, and
who now understand the matter better,--
- my bones are racked, and
- my hands become so rigid,
that I cannot always join them.
Even on the following day
I have a pain
in my wrists, and
over my whole body,
as if my bones were out of joint. [16]
Well, I think sometimes,
if it continues as at present,
that it will end,
in the good pleasure of our Lord,
by putting an end to my life;
for the pain seems to me
sharp enough
to cause death;
only, I do not deserve it.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #16 ]
17. All my anxiety (longing, yearning)
at these times
is that I should die:
I do not think
of purgatory,
nor of the great sins I have committed,
and by which I have deserved hell.
I forget everything in my eagerness to see God;
and this abandonment and loneliness
seem preferable to any company in the world.
If anything can be a consolation in this state,
it is to speak to one
who has passed through this trial,
seeing that,
though the soul may complain of it,
no one seems disposed to believe in it.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #17 ]
18. The soul is tormented also
- because the pain has increased so much,
that it seeks
-- solitude no longer,
as it did before,
-- nor companionship,
unless it be that of those
to whom it may make its complaint.
It is now like a person,
who, having a rope around his neck,
and being strangled,
tries to breathe.
This desire of companionship seems to me
to proceed from our weakness;
for, as pain brings with it the risk of death,--
which it certainly does;
for I have been occasionally
in danger of death,
in my great sickness and infirmities,
as I have said before, [17]
and I think I may say
that this pain is as great as any,--
so the desire not to be parted,
which possesses soul and body,
is that which raises the cry for succour
in order to breathe,
and by speaking of it,
by complaining, and distracting itself,
causes the soul to seek means of living
very much against the will of
the spirit, or
the higher part of the soul,
(which) would not wish
to be delivered from this pain.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #18 ]
19. I am not sure
that I am correct in what I say,
nor do I know how to express myself,
but to the best of my knowledge
it comes to pass in this way.
See, my father,
what rest I can have in this life,
now that
that which I once had
in prayer and loneliness--
therein our Lord used to comfort me--
has become in general a torment of this kind;
while, at the same time,
it is so full of sweetness,
that the soul,
discerning its inestimable worth,
prefers it
to all those consolations
which it formerly had.
It seems also
to be a safer state,
because it is the way of the cross;
and involves, in my opinion,
a joy of exceeding worth,
because the state of the body in it
is only pain.
It is the soul that suffers and exults alone
in that joy and contentment
which suffering supplies.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #19]
20. I know not how this can be,
but so it is;
it comes from the hand of our Lord,
and, as I said before, [18]
is not anything that I have acquired myself,
because it is exceedingly supernatural,
and I think I would not barter it
for all the graces
of which I shall speak further on:
I do not say for all of them together,
but for any one of them separately.
And it must not be forgotten that,
as I have just said,
these impetuosities came upon me
after I had received those graces from our Lord
[19] which I am speaking of now,
and all those described in this book,
and it is in this state our Lord keeps me
at this moment. [20]
[ Life: Ch. 20: #20 ]
21. In the beginning I was afraid--
it happens to me to be almost always so
when our Lord leads me by a new way,
until His Majesty reassures me as I proceed--
and so our Lord bade me not to fear,
but to esteem this grace
more than all the others He had given me;
for the soul was purified by this pain--
burnished, or refined as gold in the crucible,
so that it might be the better enamelled
with His gifts,
and the dross burnt away in this life,
which would have to be burnt away
in purgatory.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #21]
22. I understood perfectly
that this pain was a great grace;
but I was much more certain of it now
and my confessor tells me I did well.
And though I was afraid,
because I was so wicked,
I never could believe it was anything wrong:
on the other hand,
the exceeding greatness of the blessing
made me afraid,
when I called to mind how little I had deserved it.
Blessed be our Lord, who is so good! Amen.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #22]
23. I have, it seems, wandered from my subject;
for I began by speaking of raptures,
and that of which I have been speaking
is even more than a rapture,
and the effects of it are what I have described.
Now let us return to raptures,
and speak of their ordinary characteristics.
I have to say that,
when the rapture was over,
my body seemed frequently to be buoyant,
as if all weight had departed from it;
so much so,
that now and then
I scarcely knew
that my feet touched the ground.
But during the rapture itself
- the body is very often
as if it were dead, perfectly powerless.
- It continues in the position it was in
when the rapture came upon it--
-- if sitting, sitting;
-- if the hands were open, or if they were shut,
they will remain open or shut. [21]
- For though the senses fail but rarely,
it has happened to me occasionally
to lose them wholly--
seldom, however, and
then only for a short time.
But in general they are in disorder;
and though they have no power whatever
to deal with outward things,
there remains the power of hearing and seeing;
but it is as if the things heard and seen
were at a great distance, far away.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #23]
24. I do not say that the soul sees and hears
when the rapture is at the highest,--
I mean by "at the highest",
when the faculties are lost,
because profoundly united with God,--
for then it
neither sees,
nor hears,
nor perceives,
as I believe;
but, as I said of the previous prayer of union, [22]
this utter transformation of the soul in God
continues only for an instant;
yet while it continues
no faculty of the soul
- is aware of it, or
- knows what is passing there.
Nor can it be understood
while we are living on the earth--
at least,
God will not have us understand it,
because we must be incapable
of understanding it.
I know it by experience.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #24 ]
25. You, my father, will ask me:
How comes it, then,
that a rapture occasionally lasts so many hours?
What has often happened to me is this,--
I spoke of it before,
when writing of the previous state of prayer, [23]
- the rapture is not continuous,
- the soul is frequently absorbed,
or, to speak more correctly,
our Lord absorbs it in Himself;
and when He has held it thus
for a moment,
the will alone
remains
in union with Him.
The movements of the two other faculties
seem to me
to be like those of the needle of sun-dials,
which is never at rest;
yet when the Sun of Justice will have it so,
He can hold it still.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #25 ]
26. This, I speak of, lasts but a moment;
yet, as the impulse and the upraising of the spirit
were vehement, and
though
the other faculties
bestir themselves again,
the will
continues absorbed, and
causes this operation in the body,
as if it were the absolute mistress;
for now that the two other faculties are
- restless, and
- attempt to disturb it,
it (the Will) takes care--
for if it (the Will) is to have enemies,
the fewer the better--
that the senses also shall not trouble it:
and thus it comes to pass
that the senses are suspended;
for so our Lord wills it.
And for the most part the eyes are closed,
though we may not wish to close them;
and if occasionally they remain open,
as I said just now,
the soul neither discerns
nor considers what it sees.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #26 ]
27. What the body then can do here
is still less
in order that,
when the faculties come together again,
there may not be so much to do.
Let him, therefore,
to whom our Lord has granted this grace,
be not discouraged
when he finds himself in this state--
- the body
under constraint for many hours,
- the understanding and the memory
occasionally astray.
The truth is that, in general,
- they are inebriated
-- with the praises of God, or
-- or with searching to
comprehend or understand
that which has passed over them.
And yet even for this
they are not thoroughly awake,
but are rather like one
who has slept long, and dreamed,
and is hardly yet awake.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #27 ]
28. I dwell so long on this point
because I know that there are persons now,
even in this place, [24]
to whom our Lord is granting these graces;
and if their directors
have had no experience in the matter,
they will think, perhaps,
that they must be as dead persons
during the trance--
and they will think so the more
if they have no learning.
It is piteous to see what those confessors
who do not understand this
make people suffer.
I shall speak of it by and by. [25]
Perhaps I do not know what I am saying.
You, my father, will understand it,
if I am at all correct;
for our Lord has admitted you
to the experience of it:
yet, because that experience is not very great,
it may be, perhaps,
that you have not considered the matter
so much as I have done.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #28 ]
29. So then, though I do all I can,
- my body has no strength
to move for some time;
the soul took it all away.
- Very often, too, he who was
before sickly and full of pain
remains healthy, and even stronger;
for it is something great
that is given to the soul in rapture;
and sometimes, as I have said already, [26]
our Lord will have the body rejoice,
because it is obedient
in that which the soul requires of it.
When we recover our consciousness,
the faculties may remain,
if the rapture has been deep,
for a day or two, and even for three days,
so absorbed, or as if stunned,--
so much so, as to be in appearance
no longer themselves.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #29 ]
30. Here comes the pain
of returning to this life;
here it is the wings
of the soul grew,
to enable it to fly so high:
the weak feathers are fallen off.
Now the standard of Christ is raised up aloft,
which seems to be nothing else but
the going up, or
the carrying up,
of the Captain of the fort
to the highest tower of it,
there to raise up the standard of God.
The soul,
as in a place of safety,
looks down on those below;
it fears no dangers now--
yea, rather, it courts them,
as one assured beforehand of victory.
It sees most clearly
- how lightly are the things of this world
to be esteemed, and
- the nothingness thereof.
The soul now
- seeks not, and
- possesses not,
any other will
but that of doing our Lord's will, [27]
and so it prays Him to let it be so;
it gives to Him the keys of its own will.
Lo, the gardener is now become
the commander of a fortress!
The soul will do nothing
but the will of our Lord;
it will not act as the owner
even of itself,
nor of anything,
not even of a single apple in the orchard;
only, if there be any good thing in the garden,
it is at His Majesty's disposal;
for from henceforth the soul
will have nothing of its own,--
all it seeks is to do
everything for His glory, and
according to His will.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #30 ]
31. This is really the way
in which these things come to pass;
if the raptures be true raptures,
- the fruits and advantages spoken of
abide in the soul;
but if they did not,
I should have great doubts
about their being from God--
yea, rather, I should be afraid
they were those frenzies
of which St. Vincent speaks. [28]
I have seen it myself, and
I know it by experience,
that the soul in rapture
- is mistress of everything, and
- acquires such freedom in one hour,
and even in less,
as to be unable to recognize itself.
- It sees distinctly
that all this does not belong to it,
- neither knows it
how it came to possess so great a good;
- but it clearly perceives
the very great blessing
which every one of these raptures
always brings.
No one will believe this
who has not had experience of it,
and so they do not believe the poor soul:
they saw it lately so wicked,
and now they see it pretend
to things of so high an order;
for it is not satisfied with serving our Lord
in the common way,--
it must do so forthwith
in the highest way it can.
They consider this a temptation and a folly;
yet they would not be astonished,
if they knew that it comes
not from the soul,
but from our Lord,
to whom it has given up the keys
of its will.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #31 ]
32. For my part, I believe
that a soul which has reached this state
- neither speaks
- nor acts
of itself,
but rather that the supreme King takes care
of all it has to do.
O my God,
how clear is the meaning of those words, and
what good reason the Psalmist had,
and all the world will ever have,
to pray for the wings of a dove! [29]
It is plain that
this is the flight of the spirit,
rising upwards
above all created things,
and chiefly above itself:
but it is a sweet flight, a delicious flight--
a flight without noise.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #32 ]
33. Oh, what power that soul possesses
which our Lord raises to this state!
how it looks down upon everything,
entangled by nothing!
how ashamed it is of the time
when it was entangled!
how it is amazed at its own blindness!
how it pities those
who are still in darkness,
especially if they are men of prayer,
and have received consolations from God!
It would like to cry out to them,
that they might be made to see the delusions
they are in:
and, indeed, it does so now and then;
and then a thousand persecutions fall upon it
as a shower.
People consider it wanting in humility,
and think it means to teach those
from whom it should learn,
particularly if it be a woman.
Hence its condemnation;
and not without reason;
because they know not
how strong the influence is that moves it.
The soul at times cannot help itself;
nor can it refrain
from undeceiving those it loves,
and whom it longs to see delivered
out of the prison of this life;
for that state in which the soul itself
had been before
neither is, nor seems to be,
anything else but a prison.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #33 ]
34. The soul is weary
- of the days during which it respected
points of honour, and
- the delusion which led it to believe
that to be honour
which the world calls by that name;
now it sees it to be the greatest lie,
and that we are all walking therein.
It understands that true honour is
not delusive,
but real,
esteeming that which is worthy of esteem, and
despising that which is despicable;
for everything is nothing,
and less than nothing,
(is) whatever passeth away, and
is not pleasing unto God.
The soul laughs at itself
when it thinks of the time in which it
regarded money, and
desired to possess it,--
though, as to this, I verily believe
that I never had to confess such a fault;
it was fault enough
to have regarded money at all.
If I could purchase with money
the blessings which I possess,
I should make much of it;
but it is plain
that these blessings are gained
by abandoning all things.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #34 ]
35. What is there that is procurable
by this money which we desire?
Is it anything of worth, and
anything lasting?
Why, then, do we desire it?
A dismal resting place it provides,
which costs so dear!
Very often it obtains for us
hell itself, fire everlasting,
and torments without end.
Oh, if all men would but regard it
as profitless dross,
how peaceful the world would be!
how free from bargaining!
How friendly all men would be one with another,
if no regard were paid to honour and money!
I believe it would be a remedy for everything.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #35]
36. The soul sees
how blind men are
to the nature of pleasure--
how by means of it
they provide for themselves
trouble and
disquietude
even in this life.
What restlessness!
how little satisfaction!
what labour in vain!
It sees, too,
not only the cobwebs that cover it,
and its great faults,
but also the specks of dirt,
however slight they may be;
for the sun shines most clearly; and
thus, however much the soul
may have laboured at its own perfection,
it sees itself to be very unclean,
if the rays of the sun fall really upon it.
The soul is like water in a vessel,
which appears pellucid
when the sun does not shine through it;
but if it does,
the water then is found to be full of motes.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #27 ]
37. This comparison is literally correct.
Before the soul fell into the trance,
it thought
- itself, to be careful
about not offending God, and that
- it did what it could
in proportion to its strength;
but now that it has attained to this state,
in which the Sun of Justice shines upon it,
and makes it open its eyes,
- it beholds so many motes,
that it would gladly close them again.
It is not so truly the child of the noble eagle,
that it can gaze upon the sun;
but, for the few instants it can keep them open,
- it beholds itself wholly unclean.
It remembers the words:
"Who shall be just in Thy presence?" [30]
When it looks on this Divine Sun,
the brightness thereof dazzles it,--
when it looks on itself,
its eyes are blinded by the dust:
the little dove is blind.
So it happens very often:
the soul is utterly blinded, absorbed,
amazed, dizzy
at the vision of so much grandeur.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #37 ]
38. It is in rapture
that true humility is acquired--
Humility that will
never say any good of self,
nor suffer others to do so.
The Lord of the garden,
not the soul,
distributes the fruit thereof,
and so none remains in its hands;
all the good it has,
it refers to God;
if it says anything about itself,
it is for His glory.
It knows that it possesses nothing here;
and even if it wished,
it cannot continue ignorant of that.
It sees this,
as it were, with the naked eye;
for, whether it will or not,
its eyes are
- shut against the things
of this world, and
- open to see the truth.
[ Life: Ch. 20: #38 ]
___________________________
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* Reference to the version in Spanish:
"La Vida de la Madre Teresa de Jesus"
escrita de su misma mano,
con una aprobacion del P.Maestro Fr Domingo Banez
su confesor y cathedratico de proma en Salamanca
Footnotes:
1. See Inner Fortress, vi. ch. v.;
Philippus a SS. Trinitate,
Theolog. Mystic. par. iii. tr. i, disp. iii., art. 3;
"Hæc oratio raptus superior est præcedentibus
orationis gradibus, etiam oratione unionis
ordinariæ, et habet effectus
multoexcellentiores et multas alias operationes."
2. "She says that rapture is more excellent
than union; that is, that the soul in a rapture
has a greater fruition of God,
and that God takes it then more
into His own hands.
That is evidently so;
because in a rapture the soul loses the use
of its exterior and interior faculties.
When she says that union is the
beginning, middle, and end,
she means that pure union is almost always
uniform; but that there are degrees in rapture,
of which some are, as it were,
the beginning, some the middle, others the end.
That is the reason why it is called
by different names;
some of which denote the least,
others the most, perfect form of it,
as it will appear hereafter."
--Note in the Spanish edition of Lopez
(De la Fuente).
3. Anton. a Spirit. Sancto, Direct. Mystic.
tr. 4, d. i. n. 95:
"Licet oratio raptus idem sit apud mysticos
ac oratio volatus, seu elevationis spiritus
seu extasis;
reipsa tamen raptus aliquid addit super extasim;
nam extasis importat simplicem excessum
mentis in seipso secundum quem aliquis
extra suam cognitionem ponitur.
Raptus vero super hoc addit violentiam
quandam ab aliquo extrinseco."
4. The words between the dashes are in the
handwriting of the Saint--
not however, in the text,
but on the margin (De la Fuente).
5. See Inner Fortress, vi. ch. v.
"Primus effectus orationis ecstaticæ est in
corpore, quod ita remanet, ac si per animam non
informaretur, infrigidatur enim calore naturali
deficiente, clauduntur suaviter oculi, et alii
sensus amittuntur: contingit tamen quod corpus
infirmum in hac oratione sanitatem recuperat."
Anton. a Spirit. Sancto, Direct. Mystic.
tr. iv. d. 2, § 4, n. 150.
6. This passage could not have been in the first Life;
for that was written before she had ever been
Prioress.
7. Job. iv. 15: "Inhorruerunt pili carnis meæ."
(See St. John of the Cross. Spiritual Canticle,
sts. 14, 15, vol. ii p. 83, Engl. trans.)
8. See ch. xxix.
9. See ch. xx. § 21.
10. § 9, supra.
11. § 10.
12. Psalm ci. 8: "I have watched, and become as a
sparrow alone on the house-top."
13. Psalm xli. 4: "Ubi est Deus tuus?"
14. Galat. vi. 14: "In cruce Jesu Christi: per quem
mihi mundus crucifixus est, et ego mundo."
15. §§ 9 and 12.
16. Daniel x. 16:
"In visione tua dissolutæ sunt compages meæ."
See St. John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticle,
st. 14, vol. ii. p. 84, Engl. trans.;
and also Relation, viii. § 13,
where this is repeated.
17. Ch. v. § 18.
18. § 12.
19. The words from "I have just said" to "our Lord"
are in the margin of the text,
but in the handwriting of the Saint
(De la Fuente).
20. See § 11.
21. See Relation, viii. § 8.
22. Ch. xviii. § 16.
23. Ch. xviii. § 17.
24. Avila.
25. Ch. xxv. § 18.
26. § 9.
27. "Other will . . . Lord's will."
These words--in Spanish,
"Otra voluntad, sino hacer la de nuestro Señor"--
are not in the handwriting of the Saint;
perhaps it was Father Bañes who wrote them.
The MS. is blurred, and the original text seems
to have been, "libre alvedrio ni guerra"
(De la Fuente).
28. St. Vincent. Ferrer, Instruct. de Vit. Spirit.
c. xiv. p. 14:
"Si dicerent tibi aliquid quod sit contra fidem,
et contra Scripturam Sacram,
aut contra bonos mores, ahhorreas earum
visionem et judicia, tanquam stultas dementias,
et earum raptus, sicut rabiamenta"--
which word the Saint translates
by "rabiamientos."
29. Psalm liv. 7:
"Quis dabit mihi pennas sicut columbæ?"
30. Job iv. 17:
"Numquid homo Dei comparatione
justificabitur?"
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