The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel.
CHAPTER 21
She continues and
- concludes this last degree of prayer, and
- says what a soul having reached it feels
when obliged to turn back
and live in the world, and
- speaks of the light God gives
concerning the deceits (of the world).
This is good doctrine.
- Conclusion of the Subject.
- Pain of the Awakening.
- Light Against Delusions.
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Topics / Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along:
1). What does St. Teresa say about
the desires and actions of one
who has been brought by God
to the 4th degree of prayer ?
[ Life: Ch. 21: #6, 7, 10 ]
2). What did St. Teresa say
regarding:
a). the effects of the experience
of rapture ?
[Life: Ch. 21: #10]
b). why the effects are described
in this way?
[Life: Ch. 21: #10, 15]
c). The soul's own efforts
[Life: Ch. 21: # 10,11 ]
3). Why or when does God
grant a soul these favors?
[ Life: Ch. 21: #11, 14 ]
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Chapter 21
1. To bring this matter to an end,
I say that
- it is not necessary for the soul
to give its consent here;
- it is already given:
the soul knows that
- it has given up its will
into His hands, [296] and that
- it cannot deceive Him,
because He knoweth all things.
It is not here as it is in the world,
where all life is full
of deceit and double-dealing.
When you think you have gained
one man's good will,
because of the outward show he makes,
you afterwards learn that all was a lie.
No one can live in the midst
of so much scheming,
particularly if there be any interests at stake.
2. Blessed, then, is that soul
which our Lord draws on
to the understanding of the truth!
Oh, what a state for kings!
How much better it would be for them
if they strove for this,
rather than for great dominions!
How justice would prevail under their rule!
What evils would be prevented,
and might have been prevented already!
Here no man fears to lose life or honour
for the love of God.
What a grand thing this would be to him
who is more bound
than those beneath him
to regard the honour of our Lord!
or it is kings whom the crowd must follow.
To make one step
in the propagation of the faith, and
to give one ray of light to heretics,
I would forfeit a thousand kingdoms.
And with good reason:
for it is another thing altogether
to gain a kingdom
that shall never end,
because one drop of the water
of that kingdom,
if the soul but tastes it,
renders the things of this world
utterly loathsome.
3. If, then, the soul should be wholly engulfed,
what then?
O Lord, if Thou wert to give me
the right to publish this abroad,
people would not believe me
as they do not believe many
who are able to speak of it
in a way very different from mine;
but I should satisfy myself, at least.
I believe I should count my life as nothing,
if I might make others understand
but one of these truths.
I know not what I shall do afterwards,
for I cannot trust myself;
though I am what I am,
I have a violent desire,
which is wasting me,
to say this to those
who are in authority.
And now that I can do no more,
I betake myself to Thee, O my Lord,
to implore a remedy for all.
Thou knowest well
that I would gladly
- divest myself of all the graces
which Thou hast given me,
provided I remained in a condition
never to offend Thee, and
- give them up to those who are kings;
for I know it would then be impossible
for them to
- allow what they allow now, or
- fail to receive the very greatest blessings.
4. O my God, make kings to understand
how far their obligations reach!
Thou hast been pleased
to distinguish them on earth
in such a way that
so I have heard
Thou showest signs in the heavens
when Thou takest any of them away.
Certainly, when I think of this,
my devotion is stirred,
because Thou wilt have them learn,
O my King,
even from this,
that they must imitate Thee
in their lives,
seeing that, when they die,
signs are visible in the heavens,
as it was when Thou wert dying Thyself.
5. I am very bold;
if it be wrong, you, my father,
will tear this out:
only believe that I should speak
much more to the purpose
in the presence of kings,
if I might,
or thought they would listen to me,
for I recommend them greatly to God, and
I wish I might be of service to them.
All this makes one risk life;
for I long frequently to lose mine, and
that would be to lose a little
for the chance of gaining much;
for surely it is not possible to live,
when we see with our eyes
the great delusion
wherein we are walking, and
the blindness
in which we are living.
6. A soul that has attained to this (state)
- is not limited to the desires
it has to serve God;
- for His Majesty gives it strength
to bring those desires to good effect.
Nothing can be put before it
into which it will not throw itself,
if only it thinks that God may be served thereby:
and yet it is doing nothing,
because, as I said before, [297]
it sees clearly
that all is nothing,
except pleasing God.
The trial is,
that those who are so worthless as I am,
have no trial of the kind.
May it be Thy good pleasure, O my God,
that the time may come
in which I may be able to pay
one farthing at least,
of the heavy debt I owe Thee!
Do Thou, O Lord, so dispose matters
according to Thy will,
that this Thy servant
may do Thee some service.
Other women there have been
who did heroic deeds for Thee;
I am good only to talk;
and so it has not been Thy pleasure, O my God,
that I should do any thing:
all ends in talk and desires
that is all my service.
And yet even in this I am not free,
because it is possible
I might fail altogether.
7. Strengthen Thou my soul, and
prepare it,
O Good of all good;
and, my Jesus,
then ordain Thou
the means whereby
I may do something for Thee,
so that there may be
not even one
who can bear to
- receive so much, and
- make no payment in return.
Cost what it may, O Lord,
let me not
- come before Thee
- with hands so empty, [298]
seeing that the reward of every one
will be according to his works. [299]
Behold my life,
behold my good name
and my will;
I have given them all to Thee;
I am Thine:
dispose of me according to Thy will.
I see well enough, O Lord,
how little I can do;
but now,
having drawn near to Thee
having ascended to this watchtower,
from which the truth may be seen,
and while Thou departest not from me,
I can do all things;
but if Thou departest from me,
were it but for a moment,
I shall go thither
where I was once
that is, to hell. [300]
8. Oh, what it is for a soul in this state
to have
to return to the commerce of the world,
to see and look on the farce of this life, [301]
so ill-ordered;
to waste its time in attending to the body
by sleeping and eating! [302]
All is wearisome;
it cannot run away,
it sees itself chained and imprisoned;
it feels then most keenly
the captivity into which the body
has brought us, and
the wretchedness of this life.
It understands the reason why
St. Paul prayed to God
to deliver him from it. [303]
The soul
cries with the Apostle, and
calls upon God to deliver it,
as I said on another occasion. [304]
But here it often cries
with so much violence,
that it seems as if
it would go out of the body
in search of its freedom,
now that they do not take it away.
It is as a slave sold into a strange land; and
what distresses it most is,
that it cannot find many who make
- the same complaint and
- the same prayer:
the desire of life is more common.
9. Oh,
if we were utterly detached,
if we never placed our happiness
in anything of this world,
how the pain,
caused by living always
(separated) away from God,
would temper the fear of death
with the desire of enjoying the true life!
Sometimes I consider,
if a person like myself
because our Lord has given this light
to me,
whose love is so cold, and
whose true rest is so uncertain,
for I have not deserved it
by my works
frequently feels her banishment so much,
(then imagine) what the feelings
of the Saints must have been.
What must St. Paul and the Magdalene,
and others like them,
have suffered,
in whom the fire of the love of God
has grown so strong?
Their life must have been
a continual martyrdom.
It seems to me
that they
who bring me any comfort, and
whose conversation is any relief,
are those persons
in whom I find these desires
I mean, desires with acts.
I say "with acts",
for there are people
who think themselves detached, and
who say so of themselves
and it must be so,
for their vocation demands it,
as well as the many years
that are passed
since some of them began to walk
in the way of perfection,
but my soul distinguishes clearly,
and afar off,
between
those who are detached
in words, and
those who make good those words
by deeds.
The little progress of the former, and
the great progress of the latter,
make it plain.
This is a matter
which a person of any experience
can see into most clearly.
10. So far, then, of the effects of those raptures
which come from the Spirit of God.
The truth is, that these are
- greater or
- less.
I say less, because
in the beginning,
though the effects are wrought,
they are not tested by works, and
so it cannot be clear
that a person has them; and
Perfection, too, is a thing
of growth, and
of labouring after freedom
from the cobwebs of memory;
and this requires some time.
Meanwhile,
the greater the growth
of love and humility in the soul,
the stronger the perfume
of the flowers of virtues is
for itself and
for others.
The truth is,
that our Lord can so work in the soul
in an instant during these raptures,
that but little remains for the soul to do
in order to attain to perfection.
No one, who has not had experience of it,
will ever be able to believe
what our Lord now bestows on the soul.
No effort of ours,
so I think,
can ever reach so far.
11. However, I do not mean to say
that those persons
who during many years make use
of the method prescribed
by writers on prayer,
who discuss
the principles thereof, and
the means whereby it may be acquired,
will not, by the help of our Lord,
attain to perfection and great detachment
with much labour;
but they will not attain to it so rapidly
as by the way of raptures,
in which our Lord works
independently of us,
- draws the soul utterly away from earth, and
- gives it dominion over all things
here below,
though the merits of that soul
may not be greater than mine were:
I cannot use stronger language,
for my merits are as nothing.
Why His Majesty doeth this
is, because it is His pleasure, and
He doeth it according to His pleasure;
even if the soul be
without the fitting disposition,
He disposes it for the reception
of that blessing which He is giving to it.
Although it be most certain
that He never fails to comfort those
who do well, and strive to be detached,
still He does not always give these effects
because they have deserved them
at His hands
by cultivating the garden,
but because it is His will
- to show His greatness at times
in a soil which is most worthless,
as I have just said, and
- to prepare it for all good:
and all this in such a way
that it seems as if the soul was now,
in a manner,
unable to go back and live
in sin against God, as it did before.
12. The mind is now so inured
to the comprehension of that
which is Truth indeed,
that everything else seems to it
to be but child's play.
It laughs to itself, at times,
when it sees
grave men
men given to prayer,
men of religion
make much of points of honour,
which itself is trampling
beneath its feet.
They say
that discretion, and
the dignity of their callings,
require it of them as a means
to do more good;
but that soul knows perfectly well
that they would do more good
in one day
by preferring the love of God
to this their dignity,
than they will do
in ten years
by considering it.
13. The life of this soul
is a life of trouble:
the cross is always there,
but the progress it makes is great.
When those who have to do with it
think it has arrived
at the summit of perfection,
within a little while they see it
much more advanced;
for God is ever giving it grace upon grace.
God is the soul of that soul now;
it is He who has the charge of it;
and so He enlightens it;
for He seems to be
- watching over it,
always attentive to it,
that it may not offend Him,
- giving it grace, and
- stirring it up in His service.
When my soul reached this state,
in which God showed me
mercy so great,
my wretchedness came to an end,
and our Lord gave me strength
to rise above it.
The former occasions of sin,
as well as
the persons with whom I was accustomed
to distract myself
did me no more harm
than if they had never existed;
on the contrary,
that which ordinarily did me harm,
helped me on.
Everything contributed
to make me know God more, and
to love Him;
to make me see how much I owed Him,
as well as
to be sorry for being what I had been.
14. I saw clearly
- that this did not come
from myself,
- that I had not brought it about
by any efforts of my own, and
- that there was not time enough for it.
His Majesty,
of His mere goodness,
had given me strength for it.
From the time
our Lord began
to give me the grace of raptures,
until now,
this strength has gone on increasing.
He, of His goodness,
hath held me by the hand,
that I might not go back.
I do not think
that I am doing anything myself
certainly I do not;
for I see distinctly
that all this is the work of our Lord.
For this reason, it seems to me
that the soul
in which our Lord worketh these graces,
if it
- walks in humility and fear,
- always acknowledging
-- the work of our Lord, and
-- that we ourselves
can do, as it were, nothing
may be thrown among any companions, and
however distracted and wicked
these may be,
(that soul ) will neither be
hurt nor disturbed in any way;
on the contrary, as I have just said, that
- will help it on, and
- be a means unto it whereby
it may derive much greater profit.
15. Those souls are strong
which are chosen by our Lord
to do good to others;
still, this their strength
is not their own.
When our Lord brings a soul on to this state,
He communicates to it
of His greatest secrets by degrees.
True revelations, the great gifts, and visions
come by ecstasies,
all tending
to make the soul humble and strong,
to make it
despise the things of this world, and
have a clearer knowledge
of the greatness of the reward
which our Lord has prepared
for those who serve Him. [305]
16. May it please His Majesty
that the great munificence
with which He hath dealt with me,
miserable sinner that I am,
may have some weight
with those who shall read this,
so that they may be
strong and courageous enough
to give up everything utterly for God.
If His Majesty repays us so abundantly,
that even in this life
the reward and gain
of those who serve Him
become visible,
what will it be in the next?
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[296] Ch. xx. § 30.
[297] Ch. xx. § 34.
[298] Exod. xxiii. 15:
"Non apparebis in conspectu
meo vacuus."
[299] Apoc. ii. 23:
"Dabo unicuique vestrum
secundum opera sua."
[300] See [261]ch. xxxii. § 1.
[301] "Farsa de esta vida
tan mal concertada."
[302] Inner Fortress, iv. ch. i. § 11.
[303] Rom. vii. 24:
"Quis me liberabit
de corpore mortis hujus?"
[304] [262]Ch. xvi. § 7.
[305] 1 Cor. ii. 9:
"Quæ præparavit Deus
his qui diligunt Illum."
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