The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel.
CHAPTER 23
She returns to
- the history of her life,
- how she began to practise
greater perfection.
- This is profitable for those
who have to direct souls practising prayer
that they may know
how to deal with beginners, and
She speaks of
- the profit she derived from such knowledge.
The Saint Resumes
- the History of Her Life.
- Aiming at Perfection.
- Means Whereby It May Be Gained.
- Instructions for Confessors.
________________________
Topics/ Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along:
1). St. Teresa wrote:
"I shall now return
to that point in my life
where I broke off, [331]
having made...a longer digression...
in order that what is still to come
may be more clearly understood".
What was this digression ?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #1, Footnote #1 ]
2). Describe what led up to
St. Teresa's desire
to "seek diligently
to "seek diligently
for spiritual persons
with whom (she) might
...(discuss her)...state.
[ Life: Ch. 23: #1,2,3,5,6 ]
3). St. Teresa said that she
was aware that the Jesuit Fathers
were in her local.
She was "greatly attracted by them...
because...of their way of life and
of prayer.
Why had she not requested
Spiritual Direction from them
up to that time ?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #4]
4). Later, she writes that
she consulted the ecclesiastic
( Fr. Gaspar Daza ).
She made his acquaintance
through a holy layman
(Don Francisco de Salcedo)
who was distantly related to her
through marriage.
What concerns did she experience
from this encounter?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #8, 9 ]
5). Later, she writes that
she confered with that holy layman
(Don Francisco de Salcedo).
5a). How did he encourage her?
[ Life: Ch. 23: # 10, 11 ]
5b). What concerns did she experience
from this encounter? and
How was she eventually led to the
Jesuits for Spiritual Direction?
[ Life: Ch. 23: # 12,14,15,16,17]
6a). What book did St. Teresa
show to her Spiritual Directors
( Fr. Gaspar Daza and
Don Francisco de Salcedo,
a holy layman ) ?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #13,
Foot Note 340 ]
6b). Why did she show this book to them?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #13 ]
7). What consoled her
while she prepared to confer
with the Jesuit Father ?
[ Life: Ch. 23: # 17,
Footnote 346 ]
8). How did St. Teresa prepare
for her general Confession
and how did it affect her?
[ Life: Ch. 23: # 17]
9a). What did the Jesuit Father
tell her regarding
her prayer state?
[ Life: Ch. 23: # 18 ]
9b) What recommendations
did he give to St. Teresa?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #18,
Footnote 347 ]
10). What was her impression
of this Jesuit father?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #18, 19 ]
11). Who was this Jesuit Father
to whom St. Teresa was referred
and who greatly benefited St. Teresa?
[ Life: Ch. 23: #19
Foot Note 347 ]
______________________
Chapter 23
1. I shall now return
to that point in my life
where I broke off, [331]
having made, I believe,
a longer digression
than I need have made,
in order that what is still to come
may be more clearly understood.
Henceforth,
it is
another and a new book,
I mean,
another and a new life.
Hitherto,
my life was my own;
my life,
since I began to explain
these methods of prayer,
is the life which God lived in me,
so it seems to me;
for I feel it to be impossible
that I should have escaped
in so short a time
from ways and works
that were so wicked.
May our Lord be praised,
who has delivered me from myself!
2. When, then, I began
- to avoid the occasions of sin, and
- to give myself more unto prayer,
our Lord also began
to bestow His graces upon me,
as one who desired, so it seemed,
that I too should be willing
to receive them.
His Majesty began to give me most frequently
the grace of the prayer of quiet,
and very often that of union,
which lasted some time.
But as, in these days,
women have fallen into great delusions
and deceits of Satan, [332]
I began to be afraid,
because the joy and sweetness
which I felt were so great, and
very often beyond my power to avoid.
On the other hand,
I felt in myself a very deep conviction
that God was with me,
especially when I was in prayer.
I saw, too,
that I grew better and stronger thereby.
3. But if I was a little distracted,
I began
to be afraid, and
to imagine
that perhaps it was Satan that
suspended my understanding,
making me think it to be good,
in order to
- withdraw me from mental prayer,
- hinder my meditation
on the Passion, and
- debar me the use of my understanding:
this seemed to me,
who did not comprehend the matter,
to be a grievous loss
but, as His Majesty was pleased
to give me light
- to offend Him no more, and
- to understand how much I owed Him,
this fear so grew upon me,
that it made me seek diligently
for spiritual persons
with whom I might treat of my state.
I had already heard of some;
for the Fathers of the Society of Jesus
had come hither; [333]
and I, though I knew none of them,
was greatly attracted by them,
merely because I had heard of their way
of life and of prayer;
but I did not think myself
- fit to speak to them, or
- strong enough to obey them;
and this made me still more afraid;
-- for to converse with them,
and (then) remain what I was,
seemed to me somewhat rude.
4. I spent some time in this state,
till, after much
inward contention and fear,
I determined to confer
with some spiritual person,
- to ask him to tell me
what that method of prayer was
which I was using, and
- to show me whether
I was in error.
I was also resolved to do everything I could
not to offend God;
for the want of courage
of which I was conscious,
as I said before, [334]
made me so timid.
O my God,
Was there ever delusion so great as mine,
when I withdrew from good
in order to become good!
The devil must lay much stress on this
in the beginning of a course of virtue;
for I could not overcome my repugnance.
(The devil) knows that
the whole relief of the soul
consists in conferring
with the friends of God.
Hence it was that no time was fixed
in which I should resolve to do this.
I waited to grow better first,
as I did before
when I ceased to pray, [335] and
perhaps I never should have become better;
for I had now sunk so deeply
into the petty ways of an evil habit,
I could not convince myself
- that they were wrong,
- that I needed the help of others,
who should hold out a hand
to raise me up.
Blessed be Thou, O Lord!
for the first hand outstretched to me
was Thine.
5. When I saw that my fear was going so far,
it struck me
because I was making
progress in prayer
that this must be
a great blessing,
or
a very great evil;
for I understood perfectly
that what had happened
was something supernatural,
because
- at times I was unable to withstand it;
- to have it when I would
( to have it when I wanted to have it)
was also impossible.
I thought to myself
that there was no help for it,
but in
- keeping my conscience pure,
- avoiding every occasion (of sin)
even of venial sins;
for if it was the work of the Spirit of God,
the gain was clear;
and if the work of Satan,
so long as I strove to please,
and did not offend, our Lord,
Satan could do me little harm;
on the contrary,
he must lose in the struggle.
- Determined on this course, and
- always praying God to help me,
- striving also after purity of conscience
for some days,
I saw that
my soul had not strength to go forth alone
to a perfection so great.
I had certain attachments to trifles,
which, though not very wrong in themselves,
were yet enough to ruin all.
6. I was told of a learned ecclesiastic, [336]
( Fr. Gaspar Daza )
dwelling in this city,
whose goodness and pious life
our Lord was beginning to make known
to the world.
I contrived to make his acquaintance
through a saintly nobleman [337]
( Don Francisco de Salcedo )
living in the same place.
This latter is a married man;
but his life is
so edifying and virtuous,
so given to prayer, and
so full of charity,
that the goodness and perfection of it
shine forth in all he does:
and most justly so;
for many souls have been greatly blessed
through him,
because of his great gifts,
which,
though his condition of a layman
be a hindrance to him,
never lie idle.
He is a man of great sense,
and very gentle with all people;
his conversation is never wearisome,
but so sweet and gracious,
as well as upright and holy,
that he pleases everybody very much
with whom he has any relations.
He directs it all to the great good
of those souls
with whom he converses and
he seems to have no other end in view
but to do all he may be permitted to do
for all men,
and make them content.
7. This blessed and holy man, then,
seems to me,
by the pains he took,
to have been the beginning of salvation
to my soul.
His humility in his relations with me
makes me wonder;
for he had spent, I believe,
nearly forty years in prayer,
it may be two or three years less, and
all his life was ordered
with that perfection
which his state admitted.
His wife is
so great a servant of God, and
so full of charity,
that nothing is lost to him on her account,
[338] in short, she was the chosen wife
of one who God knew would
serve Him so well.
Some of their kindred are married
to some of mine.
Besides, I had also much communication
with another great servant of God,
married to one of my first cousins.
8. It was thus I contrived
that the ecclesiastic I speak of,
( Fr. Gaspar Daza )
who was so great a servant of God,
and his great friend,
should come to speak to me,
intending
to confess to him, and
to take him for my director.
When he had brought him to speak to me,
I, in the greatest confusion
at finding myself
in the presence of so holy a man,
revealed to him
the state of my soul, and
my way of prayer.
He would not be my confessor;
he said that he was very much occupied:
and so, indeed, he was.
He began with a holy resolution
to direct me as if I was strong,
I ought to have been strong,
according to the method of prayer
which he saw I used,
so that I should in nothing
offend God.
When I saw
- that he was resolved
to make me break off at once
with the petty ways
I spoke of before, [339] and
- that I had not the courage
to go forth at once
in the perfection
he required of me,
I was distressed; and
When I perceived
that he ordered the affairs of my soul
as if I ought to be perfect at once,
I saw that much more care
was necessary in my case.
In a word,
I felt that the means
he would have employed
were not those
by which my soul could be helped onwards;
for they were fitted for a soul
more perfect than mine; and
though the graces
I had received from God
were very many,
I was still at the very beginning
in the matter
of virtue and
of mortification.
9. I believe certainly,
if I had only had this ecclesiastic
( Fr. Gaspar Daza )
to confer with,
that my soul would have made no progress;
for the pain it gave me
to see that I
- was not doing
and, as I thought,
- could not do
what he told me,
was enough to
destroy all hope, and
make me abandon the matter altogether.
I wonder at times
how it was
that he,
being one who had a particular grace
for the direction of beginners
in the way of God,
was not permitted
to understand my case, or
to undertake the care of my soul.
I see it was all
for my greater good,
in order that I might know and converse
with persons so holy
as the members of the Society of Jesus.
10. After this,
I arranged with that saintly nobleman
(Don Francisco de Salcedo)
that he should come
and see me now and then.
It shows how deep his humility was;
for he consented to converse with a person
so wicked as I was.
He began his visits, he
encouraged me, and
told me that
- I ought not to suppose (that)
I could give up everything
in one day;
- God would bring it about
by degrees:
- he himself had for some years
been unable to free himself
from some very slight imperfections.
O humility!
what great blessings thou bringest
to those in whom thou dwellest, and
to them who draw near to those
who possess thee!
This holy man,
for I think I may justly call him so,
told me of weaknesses of his own,
in order to help me.
He, in his humility,
thought them weaknesses;
but, if we consider his state,
they were neither faults nor imperfections;
yet, in my state,
it was a very great fault to be subject to them.
11. I am not saying this
without a meaning,
though I seem to be enlarging on trifles;
but these trifles
contribute so much
towards the beginning of
the soul's progress and
its flight upwards,
though it has no wings,
as they say;
and yet no one will believe it
who has not had experience of it;
but, as I hope in God
that your reverence will help many a soul,
I speak of it here.
My whole salvation depended
on his knowing how to treat me,
on his humility,
on the charity with
which he conversed with me, and
on his patient endurance of me
when he saw that I
did not mend my ways at once.
He went on discreetly,
by degrees showing me
how to overcome Satan.
My affection for him so grew upon me,
that I never was more at ease
than on the day I used to see him.
I saw him, however, very rarely.
When he was long in coming,
I used to be very much distressed,
thinking that he would not see me
because I was so wicked.
12. When he found out my great imperfections,
they might well have been sins,
though since I conversed with him
I am somewhat improved, and
when I recounted to him,
in order to obtain light from him,
the great graces
which God had bestowed upon me,
he told me
- that these things were inconsistent
one with another;
- that these consolations were given
to people who had
made great progress, and
led mortified lives;
- that he could not help being
very much afraid
he thought that the evil spirit might
have something to do in my case;
he would not decide that question, however,
but he would have me
- carefully consider
my whole method of prayer, and
- then tell him of it.
That was the difficulty:
I did not understand it myself, and so
I could tell him nothing of my prayer;
for the grace to
- understand it and,
- understanding it, to describe it
has only lately been given me of God.
This saying of his,
together with the fear I was in,
distressed me exceedingly,
and I cried;
for certainly I was anxious to please God,
and I could not persuade myself
that Satan had anything to do with it.
But I was afraid,
on account of my great sins,
that God might leave me blind,
so that I should understand nothing.
13. Looking into books
to see if I could find anything there
by which I might recognise
the prayer I practised,
I found
- in one of (the books)
called the Ascent of the Mount[340]
( "Ascent of Mount Zion"
"Subida del Monte Sion",
by a Franciscan friar,
Bernardino de Laredo"
[Foot Note 340] )
- in that part of it which relates
to the union of the soul with God,
-- all those marks (signs)
which I had in myself, in that
I could not think of anything.
This is what I most dwelt on
- that I could think of nothing
when I was in prayer.
I marked that passage,
and gave him the book,
that he, (Don Francisco de Salcedo )
and the ecclesiastic mentioned before, [341]
saint and servant of God, (Fr. Gaspar Daza)
- might consider it, and
- tell me what I should do.
If they thought it right,
I would give up
that method of prayer altogether;
for why should I expose myself to danger,
when, at the end of nearly twenty years,
during which I had used it,
I had gained nothing,
but had fallen into a delusion of the devil?
It was better for me to give it up.
And yet this seemed to me hard;
for I had already discovered
what my soul would become
without prayer.
Everything seemed full of trouble.
I was like a person
in the middle of a river,
who, in whatever direction he may turn,
fears a still greater danger, and
is well-nigh drowned.
This is a very great trial,
and I have gone through many like it,
as I shall show hereafter; [342]
and though it does not seem
to be of any importance,
it will perhaps be advantageous
to understand how the spirit
is to be tried.
14. And certainly
the affliction to be borne is great, and
caution is necessary,
particularly in the case of women,
for our weakness is great,
and much evil may be the result
of telling them very distinctly
that the devil is busy with them;
yea, rather,
the matter should be
very carefully considered,
and they should be removed
out of reach of the dangers
that may arise.
They should be advised
to keep things secret;
and it is necessary, also,
that their secret should be kept.
I am speaking of this
as one to whom
it has been a sore trouble;
for some of those
with whom I spoke of my prayer
did not keep my secret,
but, making inquiries one of another,
for a good purpose,
did me much harm;
for they made things known
which might well have remained secret,
because not intended for every one and
it seemed as if
I had made them public myself. [343]
15. I believe that our Lord permitted [344]
this to be done
without sin on their part,
in order that I might suffer.
I do not say that they revealed
anything I discussed with them
in confession;
still, as they were persons to whom,
in my fears,
I gave a full account of myself,
in order that they might
give me light,
I thought they ought to have been silent.
Nevertheless, I never dared to conceal anything
from such persons.
My meaning, then, is,
that women should be directed
with much discretion;
their directors should
- encourage them, and
- bide the time
when our Lord will help them,
as He has helped me.
If He had not,
the greatest harm would have befallen me,
for I was in great fear and dread;
and as I suffered from disease of the heart,
[345] I am astonished that all this
did not do me a great deal of harm.
16. Then, when I had given him the book,
and told the story
of my life and
of my sins,
the best way I could in general,
for I was not in confession,
because he was a layman;
( Don Francisco de Salcedo )
yet I gave him clearly to understand
how wicked I was,
those two servants of God,
( Fr. Gaspar Daza
Don Francisco de Salcedo )
with great charity and affection,
considered what was best for me.
When they had made up their minds
what to say,
I was waiting for it in great dread,
having begged many persons
to pray to God for me,
and I too had prayed much
during those days,
the nobleman came to me in great distress,
( Don Francisco de Salcedo )
and said
- that, in the opinion of both,
I was deluded by an evil spirit;
- that the best thing for me to do
was to apply to a certain father
of the Society of Jesus,
who would come to me
if I sent for him,
saying I had need of him;
- that I ought, in a general confession,
to give him an account
of my whole life, and
of the state I was in,
and all with great clearness:
God would, in virtue
of the Sacrament of Confession,
give him more light concerning me;
for those fathers
were very experienced men
in matters of spirituality.
- Further, I was not to swerve
in a single point
from the counsels of that father;
for I was in great danger,
if I had no one to direct me.
17. This answer so alarmed and distressed me,
that I knew not what to do
I did nothing but cry.
Being in an oratory
in great affliction,
not knowing what would become of me,
I read in a book
it seemed as if our Lord
had put it into my hands
that St. Paul said,
God is faithful; [346]
that He will never permit Satan
to deceive those who love Him.
This gave me great consolation.
I began
to prepare for my general confession, and
to write out all the evil and all the good:
a history of my life,
as clearly as I
understood it, and
knew how to make it,
omitting nothing whatever.
I remember,
when I saw I had written
so much evil, and
scarcely anything that was good,
that I was exceedingly distressed
and sorrowful.
It pained me, also,
that the nuns of the community
should see me converse
with such holy persons as those
of the Society of Jesus;
for I was afraid
of my own wickedness,
and I thought I should be obliged
to cease from it,
and give up my amusements;
and that if I did not do so,
I should grow worse:
so I persuaded
the sacristan and the portress
to tell no one of it.
This was of little use, after all;
for when I was called down
there was one at the door,
as it happened,
who told it to the whole convent.
But what difficulties and what terrors
Satan troubles them with
who would draw near unto God!
18. I communicated
the whole state of my soul
to that servant of God [347]
[ Father Juan de Padranos]
and he was a great servant of His,
and very prudent.
He understood all I told him,
explained it to me, and
encouraged me greatly.
He said
- that all was very evidently
the work of the Spirit of God;
- only it was necessary for me
to go back again to my prayer,
because I was not well grounded,
and had not begun to understand
what mortification meant,
that was true,
for I do not think I knew it
even by name,
- that I was by no means to give up prayer;
- on the contrary,
I was to do violence to myself
in order to practise it,
because God had bestowed on me
such special graces
as made it impossible to say
whether it was, or was not,
the will of our Lord
to do good to many through me.
He went further,
for he seems to have prophesied of that
which our Lord afterwards did with me,
and said
that I should be very much to blame
if I did not correspond with the graces
which God bestowed upon me.
It seems to me
that the Holy Ghost was speaking
by his mouth
in order to heal my soul,
so deep was the impression he made.
He made me very much ashamed of myself,
and directed me by a way
which seemed to change me altogether.
What a grand thing it is
to understand a soul!
He told me
- to make my prayer every day
on some mystery of the Passion,
and that I should profit by it, and
- to fix my thoughts
on the Sacred Humanity only,
- resisting to the utmost of my power
those recollections and delights,
to which I was not to yield
in any way
till he gave me further directions
in the matter.
19. He left me consoled and fortified:
our Lord came to my succour and to his,
so that he might understand
- the state I was in, and
- how he was to direct me.
I made a firm resolution
not to swerve from anything
he might command me,
and to this day I have kept it.
Our Lord be praised,
who has given me grace
to be obedient to my confessors, [348]
however imperfectly!
and they have almost always been
those blessed men
of the Society of Jesus;
though, as I said,
I have but imperfectly obeyed them.
My soul began to improve visibly,
as I am now going to say.
__________________________
[331] At the end of [277]ch. 9
The thirteen chapters interposed between
that and this the twenty-third
are a treatise on mystical theology.
[332] She refers to Magdalene of the Cross
(Reforma de los Descalos, vol. i.
lib. i. c. xix. § 2).
[333] The college of the Society at Avila was
founded in 1555;
but some of the Fathers had come
thither in 1553 (De la Fuente).
[334] [278]Ch. vii. § 37.
[335] [279]Ch. xix. §§ 7, 8.
[336] Gaspar Daza had formed a society of
priests in Avila, and was a very
laborious and holy man.
It was he who said the first Mass in the
monastery of St. Joseph,
founded by St. Teresa, whom he survived,
dying Nov. 24, 1592.
He committed the direction of his priests
to F. Baltasar Alvarez (Bouix).
Juan of Avila acted much in the same
way when the Jesuits settled in Avila
(De la Fuente).
[337] Don Francisco de Salcedo.
After the death of his wife,
he became a priest, and was chaplain
and confessor of the Carmelite nuns
of St. Joseph.
For twenty years of his married life
he attended regularly the theological
lectures of the Dominicans,
in the house of St. Thomas.
His death took place Sept. 12, 1580,
when he had been a priest for ten years
(St. Teresa's Letters, vol. iv. letter 43,
note 13: letter 368, ed. of De la Fuente).
[338] Dona Mencia del Aguila (De la Fuente,
in a note on letter 10, vol. ii. p. 9,
where he corrects himself,
having previously called her Mencia
de Avila).
[339] [280] § 4.
[340] Subida del Monte Sion,
by a Franciscan friar,
Bernardino de Laredo
(Reforma, vol. i. lib. i. c. xix. § 7).
[341] [281] § 6.
[342] See [282]ch. xxv. § 18.
[343] See [283]ch. xxviii. § 18.
[344] See [284]Relation, vii. § 17.
[345] See [285]ch. iv. § 6.
[346] 1 Cor. x. 13:
"Fidelis autem Deus est,
qui non patietur vos tentari
supra id quod potestis."
[347] F. Juan de Padranos, whom St. Francis de
Borja had sent in 1555, with
F. Fernando Alvarez del Aguila,
to found the house of the Society in Avila
(De la Fuente).
Ribera, i. 5, says he heard that F. Juan de
Padranos gave in part the Exercises
of St. Ignatius to the Saint.
[348] See [286]Relation, i. § 9.
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