Chapter 26 - The Life of Teresa of Jesus - Autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila

   
   The Life of Holy Mother
        Teresa of Jesus
   
   The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel


       CHAPTER 26


She continues 
- the same subject;
- explains and tells things 
    that have happened to her 
  which caused her to lose fear 
  and convinced her that the spirit 
    which spoke to her was a good one.


 - How the Fears of the Saint Vanished. 
- How She Was Assured 
    That Her Prayer Was
   the Work of the Holy Spirit.


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        Topics/ Questions
           to keep in mind
          as we read along:


1). What did  St. Teresa say about 
       "one of the greatest mercies 
       which (God) has bestowed upon me"?
         [Life: Ch26: # 1 ]


2). By what "certain great signs...
      does.. the soul...perceive
      whether it loves God" ?
                [Life: Ch26: # 2, 7 ]


3). What was "the safest course"
      that St. Teresa followed regarding
       the state of her soul
       and her state of  prayer? 
              [ Life: Ch26: # 4,5,6 ]


4). When St. Teresas was 
    "deprived of books written in Spanish",
      how did Our Lord console her?
          [ Life: Ch26: # 6 ]


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              Chapter 26


1. I look upon the courage 
             which our Lord has implanted in me 
                    against evil spirits 
      as one of the greatest mercies 
              which He has bestowed upon me; 


     for a cowardly soul, 
               afraid of anything 
                    but sin against God, 
          is a very unseemly thing, 
               when we have on our side 
          the King omnipotent, 
          our Lord most high, who
                can do all things, and 
                subjects all things to Himself. 


 There is nothing to be afraid of 
     if we walk, as I said before, [376] 
         in the truth, 
         in the sight of His Majesty, 
                with a pure conscience. 


     And for this end, 
             as I said in the same place, 
     I would have myself all fears, 
      that I may not for one instant
            offend Him 
      who in that instant is able to destroy us. 


If His Majesty is pleased with us, 
        whoever resists us
                   be he who he may 
                  (whoever he may be)
            will be utterly disappointed.


2. It may be so, 
               you will say; 
    but, then, 
      where is that soul so just 
                 as to please Him in everything? 


    and that is the reason why we are afraid.


Certainly it is not my soul, 
     which is most wretched, unprofitable, 
         and full of misery. 


God is not like man in His ways; 
    He knows our weakness. 


But the soul perceives, 
       by the help of certain great signs, 
  whether it loves God of a truth; 


      for the love of those souls 
          who have come to this state 
       is not hidden as it was at first, 
       but is full 
               of high impulses, and 
               of longings for the vision of God, 
         as I shall show hereafter 
         or rather, as I have shown already. [377] 


  Everything wearies, 
  everything distresses, 
  everything torments the soul, 
       unless it be suffered 
           with God, or 
           for God. 


There is no rest 
       which is not a weariness, 
because the soul knows itself 
        to be away from its true rest; 


and so love is made most manifest, 
       and, as I have just said,
    impossible to hide.


3. It happened to me, on another occasion 
to be 
        grievously tried, and
        much spoken against 
           on account of a certain affair,
              of which I will speak hereafter, [378]
    by almost everybody in the place 
            where I am living, and 
    by the members of my Order. 
  
 When I was in this distress, 
    and afflicted by many occasions of disquiet
      wherein I was placed, 
     our Lord spoke to me, saying:
        "What art thou afraid of?
           knowest thou not that I am almighty? 
          I will do what I have promised thee." 


    And so, afterwards, was it done.


   I found myself at once so strong, 
      that I could have undertaken anything, 
   so it seemed, immediately, 
      even if I 
          had to endure greater trials 
                 for His service, and 
          had to enter on a new state of suffering. 


These locutions are so frequent, 
   that I cannot count them; 


   many of them are reproaches, 


   and He sends them 
      when I fall into imperfections. 
   They are enough to destroy a soul. 


   They correct me, however; 


    for His Majesty, 
              as I said before [379],  
       gives both counsel and relief. 


   There are others 
      which bring my former sins 
         into remembrance,
      particularly when He is about to bestow 
          upon me some special grace,
               in such a way 
          that the soul beholds itself 
               as being really judged;


          for those reproaches of God 
               put the truth before it so distinctly, 
          that it knows not what to do with itself. 


     Some are warnings against certain dangers 
               to myself or others; 


    Many of them are prophecies 
              of future things, 
        three or four years beforehand; 


         and all of them have been fulfilled: 
         Some of them I could mention. 


    Here, then, are so many reasons 
         for believing 
     that they come from God, 
         as make it impossible, I believe, 
      for anybody to mistake them.


4. The safest course in these things is to
       - declare, without fail, 
             --  the whole state of the soul, 
             --  together with the graces
                         our Lord gives me, 
                  to a confessor who is learned, and
       - obey him. 


        I do so; 
            and if I did not, I should have no peace. 


       Nor is it right that we women, 
            who are unlearned, 
          should have any:


        there can be no danger in this, 
            but rather great profit. 


         This is what our Lord has 
            often commanded me to do, 
          and it is what I have often done.


          I had a confessor [380] 
              who mortified me greatly, 
           and now and then distressed me: 


            he tried me heavily, 
               for he disquieted me exceedingly;   
            and yet he was the one 
                who, I believe, 
                      did me the most good. 


           Though I had a great affection for him,
                I was occasionally tempted
                      to leave him;


           I thought that the pain 
                he inflicted on me 
                      disturbed my prayer. 


           Whenever I was resolved 
                 on leaving him,
            I used to feel instantly 
                 that I ought not to do so; 


            and one reproach of our Lord 
                 would press more heavily upon me
            than all that my confessor did. 


            Now and then, I was worn out --
                torture on the one hand, 
                reproaches on the other. 


            I required it all, 
                for my will was but little subdued. 


     Our Lord said to me once, 
          that there was no obedience 
             where there was no resolution 
                          to suffer;


          that I was to think of His sufferings, 
              and then everything would be easy.


5. One of my confessors, 
        to whom I went in the beginning, 
     advised me once,
        now that my spiritual state was known 
                to be the work of God, to
        - keep silence, and 
        - not speak of these things to any one, 
           on the ground that it was safer 
               to keep these graces secret. 


   To me, the advice seemed good, 
         because I felt it so much 
    whenever I had to speak of them 
          to my confessor; [381] 
   I was also so ashamed of  myself, 
     that I felt it 
          more keenly at times 
                     to speak of them 
          than I should have done 
                     in confessing grave sins, 
     particularly when the graces 
                     I had to reveal 
          were great. 


    I thought 
       (that) they did not believe me, and
        that  they were laughing at me.


    I felt it so much, 
         for I look on this 
    as an irreverent treatment 
         of the marvels of God,
     that I was glad to be silent. 


    I learned then 
         that I had been ill-advised 
                 by that confessor, 
    because I ought never to hide 
         from my confessor; 


    for I should find great security
          if I told everything; 
    and if I did otherwise, 
          I might at any time 
                  fall into delusions. [382]


6. Whenever our Lord commanded me 
          to do one thing in prayer, and
     if my confessor forbade it, 
           our Lord Himself told me 
      to obey my confessor. 


His Majesty afterwards 
      would change the mind of that confessor,
so that he would have me do 
      what he had forbidden before. 


When we were 
           deprived of many books
                 written in Spanish, and 
           forbidden to read them,
      I felt it deeply, 
           - for some of these books 
                 were a great comfort to me, 
           - and I could not read them in Latin,
      our Lord said to me, 
           "Be not troubled; 
             I will give thee a living book." 


     I could not understand 
             why this was said to me, 
     for at that time I had never had a vision. 
             [[310]8] [383] 


    But, a very few days afterwards, 
      I understood it well enough; for
       - I had 
             -- so much to think of, and
             -- such reasons for self-recollection 
                  in what I saw before me and 


       - our Lord dealt so lovingly with me, 
             -- in teaching me in so many ways, 
      that I had little or no need
                 whatever of books. 


His Majesty has been to me,
           a veritable Book, 
    in which I saw all truth. 


Blessed be such a Book, 
     which leaves behind an impression 
         of what is read therein, and 
      in such a way that it cannotbe forgotten!


7. Who can look upon our Lord, 
           covered with wounds, and 
           bowed down under persecutions,  
     without accepting, loving, and longing 
           for them? 


Who can behold but a part of that glory 
          which He will give to those 
               who serve Him 
     without confessing that 
               all he may do, and 
               all he may suffer, 
           are altogether as nothing, 
      when we may hope for such a reward? 


Who can look at the torments 
                of lost souls without     
    - acknowledging 
                the torments of this life 
                         to be joyous delights 
                in comparison, and
    - confessing how much they owe 
                to our Lord in having saved them 
       so often from the place of torments? [384] 


But as, by the help of God, 
     I shall speak more at large
                of certain things, 


I wish now to go on 
     with the story of my life. 


Our Lord grant 
      that I have been clear enough
  in what I have hitherto said! 


I feel assured 
      that he will understand me 
          who has had experience herein, and    
      that he will see I have partially succeeded;


      but as to him 
          who has had no such experience, 
      I should not be surprised 
          if  he regarded it all as folly. 


      It is enough for him 
           that it is I who say it,
      in order to be free from blame; 


      neither will I blame any one 
           who shall so speak of it. 


 Our Lord grant 
      that I may never fail to do His will! 
      Amen.


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[376] [311]Ch. xxv.  § 26.


[377] [312]Ch. xv.    § 6.


[378] [313]Ch. xxxiii.; 
                    the foundation of the house 
                    of St. Joseph.


[379] [314]Ch. xxv.  § 23.


[380] The Bollandists, n. 185, 
           attribute some of the severity
           with which her confessor 
              treated the Saint 
           to the spirit of desolation 
            with which he was then tried himself; 


           and, in proof of it, 
              refer to the account 
           which F. Baltasar Alvarez gave 
              of his own prayer to the General 
              of the Society.


[381] See [315]Relation, vii. § 7.


[382] St. John of the Cross, Mount Carmel, 
           bk. ii. ch. 22, § 14.


[383] The visions of the Saint began in 1558 
           (De la Fuente) 
           or, according to Father Bouix, in 1559.


[384] St. Luke xvi. 28: 
          "Ne et ipsi veniant in hunc locum 
           tormentorum."
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