The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel
CHAPTER 29
She continues and tells
- of some great mercies God showed her, and
- what His Majesty said to her in order
to assure her (of the truth of these visions), and
to assure her (of the truth of these visions), and
- taught her how to answer contradictors.
- Of Visions.
- The Graces Our Lord Bestowed on the Saint.
- The Answers Our Lord Gave Her
for Those Who Tried Her.
_______________________
Topics/ Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along:
1). Can one produce an imaginary vision
through their own efforts?
[ Life: Ch29: #1, 3 ]
2). What, according to St. Teresa,
does God regard in those
to whom He grants graces ?
[ Life: Ch.30: #3 ]
3a). What distress did St. Teresa's
experience because of the report
of her visions?
[ Life: Ch.30: #4,5 ]
3b). What was St. Teresa's reaction?
[ Life: Ch.30: #5 ]
4). What did God advise her to do
when her Confessor advised her
"to make a show of contempt"
"when I had a vision"?
[ Life: Ch.30: #7 ]
5). St Teresa said "His Majesty began...
to make it clear that it was He Himself
who appeared" in the vision.
How was it made clear?
[ Life: Ch.30: #10 ]
6), St Teresa discusses "Certain great
impetuosities of love"; loving impulses.
6a). How does she describe
those impetuosities of love
to which "nature itself
may be contributing "?
[ Life: Ch.30: #11,12 ]
6b). How does she describe
those impulses which are
beyond human capability
[ Life: Ch.30: #13, 14, 15 ]
7). Continuing in her discussion of the
great impetuosities of love,
she talks of her vision of angels
and the piercing of the heart.
7a). How did St. Teresa describe her
visions of the Angels ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 16 ]
7b). How did she describe
the transverberation,
"the piercing of the heart"?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 17, 18, 19, 13 ]
__________________________
Chapter 29
1. I have wandered far from the subject;
for I undertook to give reasons why
the vision was no work of the imagination.
For how can we,
by any efforts of ours,
picture to ourselves
the Humanity of Christ, and
imagine His great beauty?
No little time is necessary,
if our conception is in any way
to resemble it.
Certainly, the imagination
may be able to picture it,
and a person may for a time
contemplate that picture,
the form and the brightness of it, and
gradually make it more perfect, and
so lay up that image in his memory.
Who can hinder this,
seeing that it could be fashioned
by the understanding?
But as to the vision
of which I am speaking,
there are no means of bringing it about;
only we must behold it
when our Lord is pleased
to present it before us,
as He wills and what He wills;
and there is no possibility
of taking anything away from it, or
of adding anything to it;
nor is there any way of effecting it,
whatever we may do,
nor of seeing it when we like,
nor of abstaining from seeing;
if we try to gaze upon it
-- part of the vision --
in particular the vision of Christ
is lost at once.
2. For two years and a half
God granted me this grace very frequently;
but it is now more than three years
since He has taken away from me
its continual presence,
through another of a higher nature,
as I shall perhaps explain hereafter. [425]
And though I saw Him speaking to me,
and though I was contemplating
His great beauty, and
the sweetness
with which those words of His
came forth from His divine mouth,
they were sometimes uttered with severity,
and though I was extremely desirous
to behold
the colour of His eyes, or
the form of them,
so that I might be able to describe them,
yet I never attained to the sight of them,
and I could do nothing for that end;
on the contrary,
I lost the vision altogether.
And though I see that He looks upon me
at times with great tenderness,
yet so strong is His gaze,
that my soul cannot endure it;
I fall into a trance so deep,
that I lose the beautiful vision,
in order to have a greater fruition
of it all.
3. Accordingly, willing or not willing,
the vision has nothing to do with it.
Our Lord clearly regards nothing but
- humility and
- confusion of face,
- the acceptance of what
He wishes to give, and
- the praise of Himself, the Giver.
This is true of all visions without exception:
- we can contribute nothing towards them
- we cannot add to them,
- nor can we take from them;
- our own efforts can neither make
nor unmake them.
Our Lord would have us see most clearly
that it is
- no work of ours,
- but of His Divine Majesty;
we are therefore the less able
to be proud of it:
on the contrary,
it makes us humble and afraid;
for we see that,
as our Lord can take from us
the power of seeing
what we would see,
so also can He take from us
these mercies and His grace,
and we may be lost for ever.
We must therefore
walk in His fear
while we are living in this our exile.
4. Our Lord showed Himself to me
almost always as He is
after His resurrection.
It was the same in the Host;
only at those times
when I was in trouble, and
when it was His will to strengthen me,
did He show His wounds.
Sometimes I saw Him
on the cross,
in the Garden,
crowned with thorns,
but that was rarely;
sometimes also carrying His cross because
of my necessities, I may say so,
or those of others;
but always in His glorified body.
Many reproaches and many vexations
have I borne while telling this
many suspicions
and much persecution also.
So certain were they
to whom I spoke
that I had an evil spirit,
that some would have me exorcised.
I did not care much for this;
but I felt it bitterly
when I saw
that my confessors were afraid
to hear me, or
when I knew that they were told
of anything about me.
5. Notwithstanding all this,
I never could be sorry
that I had had these heavenly visions;
nor would I exchange even one of them for
all the wealth and
all the pleasures of the world.
I always regarded them
as a great mercy from our Lord;
and to me
they were the very greatest treasure,
of this our Lord assured me often.
I used to go to Him
to complain of all these hardships;
and I came away from prayer consoled,
and with renewed strength.
I did not dare to contradict those
who were trying me;
for I saw that it made matters worse,
because they looked on my doing so
as a failure in humility.
I spoke of it to my confessor;
he always consoled me greatly
when he saw me in distress.
6. As my visions grew in frequency,
one of those who used to help me before
-- it was to him I confessed
when the father-minister [426]
could not hear me --
( when Fr. Baltasar Alvarez
was not available -see footnote)
began to say
that I was certainly under
the influence of Satan.
He bade me, now
that I had no power of resisting,
always to make the sign of the cross
when I had a vision, to
- point my finger at it
by way of scorn, [427] and
- be firmly persuaded
of its diabolic nature.
If I did this, the vision would not recur.
I was to be without fear on the point;
God would
watch over me, and
take the vision away. [428]
This was a great hardship for me;
for, as I could not believe
that the vision did not come from God,
it was a fearful thing for me to do;
and I could not wish, as I said before,
that the visions should be withheld.
However, I did at last as I was bidden.
I prayed much to our Lord,
that He would deliver me from delusions.
I was always praying to that effect,
and with many tears.
I had recourse also to St. Peter and St. Paul;
for our Lord had said to me,
-- it was on their feast
that He had appeared to me
the first time [429] --
that they would preserve me from delusion.
I used to see them frequently most distinctly
on my left hand;
but that vision was not imaginary.
These glorious Saints
were my very good lords.
7. It was to me a most painful thing
to make a show of contempt
whenever I saw our Lord in a vision;
for when I saw Him before me,
if I were to be cut in pieces,
I could not believe it was Satan.
This was to me, therefore,
a heavy kind of penance;
and accordingly,
that I might not be so continually
crossing myself,
I used to hold a crucifix in my hand.
This I did almost always;
but I did not always make signs of contempt,
because I felt that too much.
It reminded me of the insults
which some heaped upon Him;
and so I prayed Him
to forgive me,
seeing that I did so in obedience to him
who stood in His stead, and
not to lay the blame on me,
seeing that he was one of those
whom He had placed
as His ministers in His Church.
He said to me
that I was not to distress myself
that I did well to obey;
but He would make them see the truth
of the matter.
He seemed to me to be angry [430]
when they made me give up my prayer.
He told me to say to them
that this was tyranny.
He gave me reasons
for believing that the vision
was not satanic;
some of them I mean to repeat by and by.
8. On one occasion,
when I was holding in my hand
the cross of my rosary,
He took it from me into His own hand.
He returned it;
but it was then four large stones
incomparably more precious than diamonds;
for nothing can be compared
with what is supernatural.
Diamonds seem
counterfeits and imperfect
when compared
with these precious stones.
The five wounds were delineated on them
with most admirable art.
He said to me,
that for the future
that cross would appear so to me always;
and so it did.
I never saw the wood
of which it was made,
but only the precious stones.
They were seen, however,
by no one else,
only by myself. [431]
9. When they had begun to insist
on my
putting my visions
to a test like this, and
resisting them,
the graces I received
were multiplied more and more.
I tried to distract myself;
I never ceased to be in prayer:
even during sleep
my prayer seemed to be continual;
for now my love grew,
I made piteous complaints to our Lord,
and told Him I could not bear it.
Neither was it in my power
though I desired,
and, more than that,
even strove to give up thinking of Him.
Nevertheless, I obeyed
to the utmost of my power;
but my power was little or nothing
in the matter;
and our Lord never released me
from that obedience;
but though He bade me obey my confessor,
He reassured me in another way, and
taught me what I was to say.
He has continued to do so until now; and
He gave me reasons so sufficient,
that I felt myself perfectly safe.
10. Not long afterwards
His Majesty began,
according to His promise,
to make it clear
that it was He Himself who appeared,
by the growth in me
of the love of God so strong,
that I knew not who could have infused it;
for it was most supernatural,
and I had not attained to it
by any efforts of my own.
I saw myself dying
with a desire to see God, and
I knew not how to seek that life
otherwise than by dying.
Certain great impetuosities of love, [432]
though not so intolerable
as those of which
I have spoken before, [433]
nor yet of so great worth,
overwhelmed me.
I knew not what to do;
for nothing gave me pleasure,
and I had no control over myself.
It seemed as if my soul were really torn
away from myself.
Oh, supreme artifice of our Lord!
how tenderly didst Thou deal
with Thy miserable slave!
Thou didst hide Thyself from me, and
didst yet constrain me
with Thy love,
with a death so sweet,
that my soul would never wish it over.
11. It is not possible for any one
to understand these impetuosities
if he has not experienced them himself.
They are not an upheaving of the breast,
nor those devotional sensations,
not uncommon,
which seem on the point
of causing suffocation,
and are beyond control.
That prayer is of a much lower order;
and those agitations should be avoided
by gently endeavouring to be recollected;
and the soul should be kept in quiet.
This prayer is like the sobbing
of little children,
who seem on the point of choking, and
whose disordered senses are soothed
by giving them to drink.
So here reason should draw in the reins,
because nature itself
may be contributing to it
and we should consider with fear
that all this may not be perfect, and
that much sensuality may be involved in it.
The infant soul should be soothed
by the caresses of love,
which shall draw forth its love
in a gentle way, and
not, as they say, by force of blows.
This love
should be inwardly under control, and
not as a caldron,
fiercely boiling
because too much fuel
has been applied to it, and
out of which everything is lost.
The source of the fire
must be kept under control, and
the flame must be quenched
in sweet tears, and
not with those painful tears
which come out of these emotions, and
which do so much harm.
12. In the beginning,
I had tears of this kind.
They left me with
a disordered head and
a wearied spirit,
and for a day or two afterwards
unable to resume my prayer.
Great discretion, therefore,
is necessary at first,
in order
that everything may proceed gently, and
that the operations of the spirit
may be within;
all outward manifestations should
be carefully avoided.
13. These other impetuosities
are very different.
It is not we
who apply the fuel;
the fire is already kindled,
and we are thrown into it
in a moment
to be consumed.
It is by no efforts of the soul
that it sorrows over the wound
which the absence of our Lord
has inflicted on it;
it is far otherwise;
for an arrow is driven
into the entrails
to the very quick, [434] and
into the heart at times,
so that the soul knows
not what is the matter with it,
nor what it wishes for.
It understands clearly enough
that it wishes for God, and
that the arrow seems tempered
with some herb
which makes the soul
- hate itself
for the love of our Lord, and
- willingly lose its life for Him.
It is impossible
to describe or explain
the way in which God wounds the soul,
nor the very grievous pain inflicted,
which deprives it of all self-consciousness;
yet this pain is so sweet,
that there is no joy in the world
which gives greater delight.
As I have just said, [435]
the soul would wish to be
always dying of this wound.
14. This pain and bliss together
carried me out of myself, and
I never could understand how it was.
Oh, what a sight a wounded soul is!
-- a soul, I mean, so conscious of it,
as to be able to say of itself
that it is wounded for so good a cause;
and seeing distinctly
- that it never did anything
whereby this love should come to it, and
- that it does come from that exceeding love
which our Lord bears it.
A spark seems to have fallen
suddenly upon it,
that has set it all on fire.
Oh, how often do I remember,
when in this state,
those words of David:
"Quemadmodum desiderat cervus
ad fontes aquarum"! [436]
[ Foot Note:
Psalm 41. 2:
"As the longing of the hart
or the fountains of waters,
so is the longing of my soul for Thee,
O my God." ]
They seem to me to be literally true
of myself.
15. When these impetuosities
are not very violent
they seem to admit of a little mitigation
at least, the soul seeks some relief,
because it knows not what to do
through certain penances;
the painfulness of which,
and even the shedding of its blood,
are no more felt
than if the body were dead.
The soul seeks for ways and means
to do something that may be felt,
for the love of God;
but the first pain is so great,
that no bodily torture I know of
can take it away.
As relief is not to be had here,
these medicines are too mean
for so high a disease.
Some slight mitigation may be had,
and the pain may pass away a little,
by praying God to relieve its sufferings:
but the soul sees no relief except in death
by which it thinks to attain completely
to the fruition of its good.
At other times, these impetuosities
are so violent,
that the soul can do
neither this
nor anything else;
the whole body is contracted, and
neither hand nor foot can be moved:
if the body be upright at the time,
it falls down,
as a thing that has no control over itself.
It cannot even breathe;
all it does is to moan,
not loudly,
because it cannot:
its moaning, however, comes
from a keen sense of pain.
16. Our Lord was pleased
that I should have at times
a vision of this kind:
I saw an angel close by me,
on my left side,
in bodily form.
This I am not accustomed to see,
unless very rarely.
Though I have visions of angels frequently,
yet I see them
only by an intellectual vision,
such as I have spoken of before.
[[344]13] [437]
It was our Lord's will
that in this vision
I should see the angel in this wise.
He was not large, but small of stature,
and most beautiful,
his face burning,
as if he were one of the highest angels,
who seem to be all of fire:
they must be those
whom we call cherubim. [438]
Their names they never tell me;
but I see very well
that there is in heaven so great a difference
between one angel and another, and
between these and the others,
that I cannot explain it.
17. I saw in his hand a long spear of gold,
and at the iron's point there
seemed to be a little fire.
He appeared to me
to be thrusting it
at times into my heart, [439] and
to pierce my very entrails;
when he drew it out,
he seemed
to draw them out also, and
to leave me all on fire
with a great love of God.
The pain was so great,
that it made me moan; and
yet so surpassing was the sweetness
of this excessive pain,
that I could not wish to be rid of it.
The soul is satisfied now
with nothing less than God.
The pain is
not bodily,
but spiritual;
though the body has its share in it,
even a large one.
It is a caressing of love so sweet
which now takes place
between the soul and God,
that I pray God of His goodness
to make him experience it
who may think that I am lying. [440]
18. During the days that this lasted,
I went about as if beside myself.
I wished to see, or speak with, no one,
but only to cherish my pain,
which was to me a greater bliss
than all created things could give me. [441]
19. I was in this state from time to time,
whenever it was our Lord's pleasure
to throw me into those deep trances,
which I could not prevent
even when I was in the company of others,
and which, to my deep vexation,
came to be publicly known.
Since then,
I do not feel that pain so much,
but only that which I spoke of before,
I do not remember the chapter, [442]
which is in many ways very different
from it, and of greater worth.
On the other hand,
when this pain,
of which I am now speaking,
begins,
our Lord seems
to lay hold of the soul, and
to throw it into a trance,
so that there is no time for me
to have any sense of pain or suffering,
because fruition ensues at once.
May He be blessed for ever,
who hath bestowed such great graces
on one who has responded so ill
to blessings so great!
_____________________________________
FootNotes:
[425] [345]Ch. xl.
[426] Baltasar Alvarez was father-minister
of the house of St. Giles, Avila,
in whose absence she had recourse
to another father of that house (Ribera, i. ch. 6).
[427] Y diese higas.
"Higa es una manera de menosprecio
que hacemos cerrando el puño,
y mostrando el dedo pulgar por entre el dedo indice,
y el medio"
(Cobarruvias, in voce).
[428] See Book of the Foundations, ch. viii. § 3,
where the Saint refers to this advice,
and to the better advice given her later
by F. Dominic Bañes, one of her confessors.
See also Inner Fortress, vi. 9, § 7.
[429] See [346]ch. xxvii. § 3, and
[347]ch. xxviii. § 4.
[430] [348]Ch. xxv. § 18.
[431] The cross was made of ebony (Ribera).
It is not known where that cross is now.
The Saint gave it to her sister,
Doña Juana de Ahumada, who begged it of her.
Some say that the Carmelites of Madrid possess it;
and others, those of Valladolid
(De la Fuente).
[432] See [349]Relation, i. § 3.
[433] [350]Ch. xx. § 11.
[434] Inner Fortress, vi. 11, § 2;
St. John of the Cross, [351]Spiritual
Canticle, st. 1, p. 22, Engl. trans.
[435] [352] § 10.
[436] Psalm xli. 2:
"As the longing of the hart for the fountains of waters,
so is the longing of my soul for Thee,
O my God."
[437] [353]Ch. xxvii. § 3.
[438] In the MS. of the Saint preserved in the Escurial,
the word is "cherubines;"
but all the editors before Don Vicente de la Fuente
have adopted the suggestion, in the margin, of Bañes,,
who preferred "seraphim."
F. Bouix, in his translation, corrected the mistake;
but, with his usual modesty,
did not call the reader's attention to it.
[439] See [354]Relation, viii. § 16.
[440] "The most probable opinion is,
that the piercing of the heart of the Saint
took place in 1559.
The hymn which she composed on that occasion
was discovered in Seville in 1700
("En las internas entrañas").
On the high altar of the Carmelite church
in Alba de Tormes,
the heart of the Saint thus pierced is to be seen;
and I have seen it myself more than once"
(De la Fuente).
[441] Brev. Rom. in fest. S. Teresiæ, Oct. 15, Lect. v.:
"Tanto autem divini amoris incendio cor ejus conflagravit,
ut merito viderit Angelum ignito
jaculo sibi præcordia transverberantem."
The Carmelites keep the feast of this piercing
of the Saint's heart
on the 27th of August.
[442] [355]Ch. xx. § 11.
__________________________
