Friday, November 12, 2010
Chapter 33 - The Life of Teresa of Jesus - Autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila
The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel
CHAPTER 33
She continues
- the subject of the foundation of the glorious St. Joseph.
- How she was commanded to have nothing (further)
to do with it,
- how she abandoned it,
- also the troubles it brought her and
- how God consoled her in all this.
- The Foundation of the Monastery Hindered.
- Our Lord Consoles the Saint.
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Topics/ Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along:
1). How did St. Teresa describe the
reaction of others in her convent
to her wish "to found another
(monastery) with stricter enclosure" ?
[Life: Ch33: # 2]
2). How did St. Teresa respond
to these reactions?
[Life: Ch33: # 2]
3). St. Teresa had encountered
many trials and obstacles
while trying to found a new monastery.
Despite this, why did she remain
"exceedingly happy and joyful" ?
[Life: Ch33: # 3, 4, 5 ]
4). How did St. Teresa describe her
spiritual relationship
with the new rector?
(Gaspar de Salazar)
[Life: Ch33: # 11, 12]
5). In pursuing the founding
of a new monastery,
St. Teresa said she intended
to reject an available house
because it "was too small".
What did she say Our Lord
said to her, regarding this ?
[Life: Ch33: # 14]
6). What did St. Teresa say
regarding St. Claire?
[Life: Ch33: # 15]
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Chapter 33
1. When the matter was in this state--
so near its conclusion,
that on the very next day
the papers were to be signed--
then it was that the Father Provincial
changed his mind.
I believe that
the change was divinely ordered--
so it appeared afterwards;
for while so many prayers were made,
our Lord was
perfecting His work and
arranging its execution
in another way.
When the Provincial refused us,
my confessor bade me forthwith
to think no more of it,
notwithstanding the great
trouble and distress
which our Lord knows it cost me
to bring it to this state.
When the work was
given up and abandoned,
people were the more convinced
that it was altogether
the foolishness of women;
and the complaints against me
were multiplied,
although I had until then
this commandment of my Provincial
to justify me.
2. I was now very much disliked
throughout the whole monastery,
because I wished to found another
with stricter enclosure.
It was said
- I insulted my sisters;
- that I could serve God among them
as well as elsewhere,
for there were many among them
much better than I;
- that I did not love the house, and
- that it would have been better
if I had procured greater resources
for it than for another.
Some said I ought to be put in prison;
others --but they were not many--
defended me in some degree.
I saw well enough
that they were for the most part right,
and now and then
I made excuses for myself;
though, as I could not tell them
the chief reason,
which was the commandment
of our Lord,
I knew not what to do,
and so was silent.
3. In other respects
God was most merciful unto me,
for all this caused me no uneasiness;
and I gave up our design
with much readiness and joy,
as if it cost me nothing.
No one could believe it,
not even those men of prayer
with whom I conversed;
for they thought
I was exceedingly pained and sorry:
even my confessor himself
could hardly believe it.
I had done,
as it seemed to me,
all that was in my power.
I thought myself obliged
to do no more
than I had done
to fulfil our Lord's commandment,
and so I remained in the house
where I was,
exceedingly happy and joyful;
though, at the same time,
I was never able
to give up my conviction
that the work would be done.
I had now no means of doing it,
nor did I know how or when
it would be done;
but I firmly believed
in its accomplishment.
4. I was much distressed at one time
by a letter
which my confessor wrote to me,
as if I had done anything in the matter
contrary to his will.
Our Lord also must have meant
that suffering should not fail me
there where I should feel it most;
and so, amid the multitude
of my persecutions,
when, as it seemed to me,
consolations should have come
from my confessor,
he told me that I ought to
recognise in the result
- that all was a dream;
- that I ought to lead a new life
by ceasing to have anything to do
f or the future with it, or
(by) even to speak of it any more,
seeing the scandal
it had occasioned.
He made some further remarks,
all of them very painful.
This was a greater affliction to me
than all the others together.
I considered
- whether I had done
anything myself, and
- whether I was to blame for anything
that was an offence unto God;
- whether
all my visions were illusions,
all my prayers a delusion,
and I, therefore,
deeply deluded and lost.
This pressed so heavily upon me,
that I was altogether disturbed and
most grievously distressed.
But our Lord,
who never failed me
in all the trials I speak of,
so frequently consoled
and strengthened me,
that I need not speak of it here.
He told me then
not to distress myself;
that I
had pleased God greatly, and
had not sinned against Him
throughout the whole affair;
that I was to do
what my confessors required of me,
and be silent on the subject
till the time came to resume it.
I was so comforted and so happy,
that the persecution
which had befallen me
seemed to be as nothing at all.
5. Our Lord now showed me
what an exceedingly great blessing
it is to be tried and persecuted
for His sake;
for the growth of the love of God
in my soul,
which I now discerned,
as well as of many other virtues,
was such as to fill me with wonder.
It made me unable
to abstain from desiring trials,
and yet those about me
thought I was
exceedingly disheartened;
and I must have been so,
if our Lord in that extremity
had not succoured me
with His great compassion.
Now was the beginning
of those more violent impetuosities
of the love of God
of which I have spoken before, [482]
as well as of those profounder trances.
I kept silence, however, and
never spoke of those graces
to any one.
The saintly Dominican [483]
( Fr. Pedro Ibanez - See Footnote)
was as confident as I was
that the work would be done;
and as I would not speak of it,
in order that nothing might take place
contrary to the obedience
I owed my confessor,
he communicated with my companion,
and they wrote letters to Rome
and made their preparations.
6. Satan also contrived now
that persons should hear
one from another
that I had had a revelation in the matter;
and people came to me in great terror,
saying that the times were dangerous,
that something might be laid
to my charge, and
that I might be taken
before the Inquisitors.
I heard this with pleasure,
and it made me laugh,
because I never was afraid of them;
for I knew well enough
that in matters of faith
I would not break the least ceremony
of the Church,
that I would expose myself
to die a thousand times
rather than
that any one should see me go
against it or
against any truth of Holy Writ.
So I told them
I was not afraid of that,
for my soul must be in a very bad state
if there was anything the matter with it
of such a nature as to make me
fear the Inquisition;
I would go myself
and give myself up,
if I thought there was anything amiss;
and if I should be denounced,
our Lord would deliver me,
and I should gain much.
7. I had recourse
to my Dominican father;
for I could rely upon him, because
he was a learned man.
I told him all about
my visions,
my way of prayer,
the great graces
our Lord had given me,
as clearly as I could, and
I begged him to
consider the matter well, and
tell me if there was anything therein
at variance
with the Holy Writings, and
give me his opinion
on the whole matter.
He reassured me much, and, I think,
profited himself;
for though he was exceedingly good,
yet, from this time forth,
he gave himself
more and more to prayer, and
retired to a monastery of his Order
which was very lonely,
that he might apply himself
more effectually to prayer,
where he remained
more than two years.
He was dragged out of his solitude
by obedience,
to his great sorrow:
his superiors required his services;
for he was a man of great ability.
I, too, on my part,
felt his retirement very much,
because it was a great loss to me,
though I did not disturb him.
But I knew it was a gain to him;
for when I was so much distressed
at his departure,
our Lord bade me be comforted,
not to take it to heart,
for he was gone under good guidance.
8. So, when he came back,
his soul had made such great progress,
and he was so advanced
in the ways of the spirit,
that he told me on his return
he would not have missed that journey
for anything in the world.
And I, too, could say the same thing;
for where he reassured and consoled me
formerly by his mere learning,
he did so now through
that spiritual experience he had gained
of supernatural things.
And God, too,
brought him here in time;
for He saw that his help
would be required in the foundation
of the monastery,
which His Majesty willed
should be laid.
9. I remained quiet after this
for five or six months,
neither thinking nor speaking
of the matter;
nor did our Lord once
speak to me about it.
I know not why,
but I could never rid myself
of the thought that the monastery
would be founded.
At the end of that time,
the then Rector [484]
(Fr. Dionisio Vasquez - See footnote)
of the Society of Jesus
having gone away,
His Majesty brought into his place,
another (rector), [485]
(Fr. Gaspar de Salazar - See footnote)
of great spirituality, high courage,
strong understanding,
and profound learning,
at the very time
when I was in great straits.
As he
who then heard my confession
had a superior over him
-- the fathers of the Society
are extremely strict
about the virtue of obedience
and never stir
but in conformity with the will
of their superiors,--
so he would not dare,
though he
- perfectly understood
my spirit, and
- desired the accomplishment
of my purpose,
to come to any resolution;
and he had many reasons
to justify his conduct.
I was at the same time subject
to such great impetuosities of spirit,
that I felt my chains extremely heavy;
nevertheless, I never swerved
from the commandment he gave me.
10. One day, when in great distress,
because I thought my confessor
did not trust me,
our Lord said to me,
Be not troubled;
this suffering will soon be over.
I was very much delighted,
thinking I should die shortly;
and I was very happy
whenever I recalled those words
to remembrance.
Afterwards I saw clearly
that they referred to
the coming of the rector
of whom I am speaking,
for never again had I any reason
to be distressed.
The rector that came
never interfered with the Father-Minister
who was my confessor.
On the contrary,
he told him
- to console me,
--that there was nothing
to be afraid of,-- and
- not to direct me
along a road so narrow,
but to leave the operations
of the Spirit of God alone;
for now and then it seemed
as if these great impetuosities
of the spirit took away
the very breath of the soul.
11. The rector came to see me, and
my confessor bade me speak to him
in all freedom and openness.
I used to feel
the very greatest repugnance
to speak of this matter;
but so it was,
when I went into the confessional,
I felt in my soul something,
I know not what.
I do not remember to have felt so
either before or after towards any one.
I cannot tell what it was,
nor do I know of anything
with which I could compare it.
It was a spiritual joy, and
a conviction in my soul
that his soul must understand mine,
that it was in unison with it,
and yet, as I have said,
I knew not how.
If I had ever spoken to him, or
had heard great things of him,
it would have been nothing
out of the way
that I should rejoice in the conviction
that he would understand me;
but he had never spoken to me before,
nor I to him, and, indeed,
he was a person of whom
I had no previous knowledge whatever.
12. Afterwards, I saw clearly
that my spirit was not deceived;
for my relations with him
were in every way of the utmost service
to me and my soul,
because his method of direction
is proper for those persons
whom our Lord seems to have led
far on the way,
seeing that He makes them
run, and
not to crawl step by step.
His plan is to render them
thoroughly detached and mortified,
and our Lord has endowed him
with the highest gifts herein
as well as in many other things beside.
As soon as I began
to have to do with him,
I knew his method at once, and saw
that he had a pure and holy soul,
with a special grace of our Lord
for the discernment of spirits.
He gave me great consolation.
Shortly after I had begun
to speak to him,
our Lord began to constrain me
to return to the affair
of the monastery, and
to lay before
my confessor and
the Father-Rector
many reasons and considerations
why they should not stand in my way.
Some of these reasons
made them afraid,
for the father-rector never had a doubt
of its being the work
of the Spirit of God,
because he regarded the fruits of it
with great care and attention.
At last, after much consideration,
they did not dare to hinder me. [486]
13. My confessor gave me leave
to prosecute the work
with all my might.
I saw well enough the trouble
I exposed myself to,
for I was utterly alone,
and able to do so very little.
We agreed that it should be carried on
with the utmost secrecy;
and so I contrived
that one of my sisters, [487]
who lived out of the town,
should buy a house, and
prepare it as if for herself,
with money which our Lord
provided for us. [488]
I made it a great point
to do nothing against obedience;
but I knew that if I spoke of it
to my superiors
all was lost,
as on the former occasion,
and worse even might happen.
In holding the money,
in finding the house,
in treating for it,
in putting it in order,
I had so much to suffer;
and, for the most part,
I had to suffer alone,
though my friend did what she could:
she could do but little,
and that was almost nothing.
Beyond giving
her name and
her countenance,
the whole of the trouble was mine;
and that fell upon me in so many ways,
that I am astonished now
how I could have borne it. [489]
Sometimes, in my affliction,
I used to say:
O my Lord,
how is it that Thou commandest me
to do that which seems impossible?
--for, though I am a woman,
yet, if I were free, it might be done;
but when I am tied
in so many ways,
without
money, or
the means of procuring it,
either for the purpose of the Brief
or for any other, --
what, O Lord, can I do?
14. Once when I was
in one of my difficulties,
- not knowing what to do,
- unable to pay the workmen,
St. Joseph, my true father and lord,
appeared to me, and
gave me to understand
- that money would not be wanting, and
- I must hire the workmen.
So I did,
though I was penniless;
and our Lord, in a way
that filled those
who heard of it
with wonder,
provided for me.
The house offered me was too small,
-- so much so,
that it seemed as if
it could never be made
into a monastery, --
and I wished to buy another,
but had not the means, and
there was neither way nor means
to do so.
I knew not what to do.
There was another little house
close to the one we had,
which might have formed
a small church.
One day, after Communion,
our Lord said to me,
'I have already bidden thee
to go in anyhow.'
And then, as if exclaiming, said:
'Oh, covetousness of the human race,
thinking that even the whole earth
is too little for it!
how often have I slept
in the open air,
because I had no place
to shelter Me!' [490]
I was alarmed, and saw
that He had good reasons to complain.
I went to the little house,
arranged the divisions of it, and
found that it would make
a sufficient, though small, monastery.
I did not care now
to add to the site by purchase, and
so I did nothing but contrive
to have it prepared in such a way
that it could be lived in.
Everything was coarse, and
nothing more was done to it
than to render it not hurtful to health
-- and that must be done everywhere.
15. As I was going to Communion
on her feast,
St. Clare appeared to me
in great beauty
and bade me
take courage, and
go on with what I had begun;
she would help me.
I began to have a great devotion
to St. Clare; and
she has so truly kept her word,
that a monastery of nuns of her Order
in our neighbourhood
helped us to live;
and, what is of more importance,
by little and little
she so perfectly fulfilled my desire,
- that the poverty
which the blessed Saint observes
in her own house
is observed in this, and
- we are living on alms.
It cost me no small labour
to have this matter settled by
the plenary sanction and authority
of the Holy Father, [491]
so that it shall never be otherwise, and
we possess no revenues.
Our Lord is doing more for us
-- perhaps we owe it to the prayers
of this blessed Saint;
for, without our asking anybody,
His Majesty supplies
most abundantly
all our wants.
May He be blessed for ever!
Amen.
16. On one of these days
--it was the Feast
of the Assumption of our Lady --
I was in the church of the monastery
of the Order
of the glorious St. Dominic,
thinking
of the events of my wretched life, and
of the many sins which in times past
I had confessed in that house.
I fell into so profound a trance,
that I was, as it were, beside myself.
I sat down, and
it seemed as if I could
neither see the Elevation
nor hear Mass.
This afterwards became a scruple to me.
I thought then,
when I was in that state,
that I saw myself clothed
with a garment
of excessive whiteness and splendour.
At first I did not see
who was putting it on me.
Afterwards I saw
our Lady on my right hand, and
my father St. Joseph on my left,
clothing me with that garment.
I was given to understand
that I was then cleansed from my sins.
When I had been thus clad
-- I was filled with
the utmost delight and joy --
our Lady seemed at once
to take me by both hands.
She said
that I pleased her very much
by being devout
to the glorious St. Joseph;
that I might rely on it
my desires about the monastery
were accomplished, and
that our Lord and they too
would be greatly honoured in it;
that I was to be afraid
of no failure whatever,
though the obedience under which
it would be placed
might not be according to my mind,
because they would watch over us, and
because her Son had promised
to be with us [492] --
and, as a proof of this,
she would give me that jewel.
She then seemed to throw
around my neck
a most splendid necklace of gold,
from which hung a cross
of great value.
The stones and gold were so different
from any in this world,
that there is nothing
wherewith to compare them.
The beauty of them is such
as can be conceived
by no imagination,
-- and no understanding
can find out the materials
of the robe,
nor picture to itself
the splendours
which our Lord revealed,
in comparison with which
all the splendours of earth,
so to say,
are a daubing of soot.
This beauty,
which I saw in our Lady,
was exceedingly grand,
though I did not trace it
in any particular feature,
but rather in the whole form of her face.
She was clothed in white and
her garments shone
with excessive lustre
that was not dazzling, but soft.
I did not see St. Joseph so distinctly,
though I saw clearly that he was there,
as in the visions
of which I spoke before, [493]
in which nothing is seen.
Our Lady seemed to be very young.
17. When they had been with me
for a while,
-- I, too, in the greatest
delight and joy,
greater than I had ever
had before,
as I think, and with which
I wished never to part, --
I saw them, so it seemed,
ascend up to heaven,
attended by a great multitude of angels.
I was left in great loneliness,
though so comforted and raised up,
so recollected in prayer and softened,
that I was for some time
unable to move or speak
-- being, as it were, beside myself.
I was now possessed
by a strong desire
to be consumed
for the love of God, and
by other affections of the same kind.
Everything took place
in such a way
that I could never have a doubt
--though I often tried --
that the vision came from God. [494]
It left me
in the greatest consolation and peace.
18. As to that
which the Queen of the Angels
spoke about obedience,
it is this:
it was painful to me
not to subject the monastery
to the Order, and
our Lord had told me
that it was inexpedient to do so.
He told me the reasons
why it was in no wise convenient
that I should do it
but I must send to Rome
in a certain way,
which He also explained;
He would take care
that I found help there:
and so I did.
I sent to Rome,
as our Lord directed me,
-- for we should never
have succeeded otherwise, --
and most favourable was the result.
19. And as to subsequent events,
it was very convenient
to be under the Bishop, [495]
( Don Alvaro de Mendoza - See footnote)
but at that time
I did not know him,
nor did I know what kind
of a superior he might be.
It pleased our Lord
that he should be
as good and favourable
to this house
as it was necessary he should be
- on account of the great opposition
it met with at the beginning,
as I shall show hereafter, [496]
and also
- for the sake of bringing it
to the condition
it is now in.
Blessed be He who has done it all!
Amen.
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Foot Notes
[482] [384]Ch. xxi. § 6,
[385]ch. xxix. §§ 10, 11.
[483] Pedro Ibanez.
See [386]ch. xxxviii. § 15.
[484] Dionisio Vasquez.
Of him the Bollandists say that
he was very austere and harsh
to his subjects,
notwithstanding his great learning:
"homini egregie docto ac rebus gestis claro,
sed in subditos, ut ex historia
Societatis Jesu liquet, valde immiti"
(n. 309).
[485] Gaspar de Salazar was made rector
of the house in Avila in 1561,
therein succeeding Vasquez (Bollandists, ibid.).
[486] St. Teresa was commanded by our Lord
to ask Father Baltasar Alvarez
to make a meditation on Psalm xci. 6:
"Quam magnificata sunt opera Tua."
The Saint obeyed, and the meditation was made.
From that moment, as F. Alvarez
afterwards told Father de Ribera
(Life of St. Teresa, i. ch. vii.),
there was no further hesitation on the part
of the Saint's confessor.
[487] Juana de Ahumada,
wife of Juan de Ovalle.
[488] The money was a present from her brother,
Don Lorenzo de Cepeda;
and the Saint acknowledges the receipt of it,
and confesses the use made of it,
in a letter to her brother, written in Avila, Dec. 31, 1561
(De la Fuente).
[489] One day, she went with her sister
-- she was staying in her house --
to hear a sermon in the church of St. Thomas.
The zealous preacher denounced visions and revelations;
and his observations were so much to the point,
that there was no need of his saying
that they were directed against St. Teresa,
who was present.
Her sister was greatly hurt,
and persuaded the Saint to return
to the monastery at once
(Reforma, i. ch. xlii. § 1).
[490] St. Luke ix. 58:
"Filius autem hominis non habet
ubi caput reclinet."
[491] Pius IV., on Dec. 5, 1562, (Bouix).
See [387]ch. xxxix. § 19.
[492] [388]Ch. xxxii. § 14.
[493] See [389]ch. xxvii. § 7.
[494] "Nuestro Señor," "our Lord,"
though inserted in the printed editions
after the word "God," is not in the MS.,
according to Don V. de la Fuente.
[495] Don Alvaro de Mendoza,
Bishop of Avila, afterwards of Palencia.
[496] See [390]ch. xxxvi. § 15;
Way of Perfection, ch. v. § 10;
Foundations, ch. xxxi. § 1.
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