The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel
CHAPTER 35
Continuation
- of the foundation of this house
of our glorious Father St. Joseph;
- in what manner our Lord ordained
that holy poverty should be observed there;
- the reason why she left the lady
with whom she had been staying, and
- some other things that happened.
- The Foundation of the House of St. Joseph.
- The Observation of Holy Poverty Therein.
- How the Saint Left Toledo.
______________________
Topics/ Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along:
1). What did St. Teresa learn
regarding the Rule?
[Life: Ch.35: #2 ]
2). What were the concerns regarding
founding a monastery that was
without any revenue,
endowments or secure income
of its own?
[Life: Ch.35: #1,2,3,4,5,
6,7,10,12,13,14,15]
3). Regarding the election at her convent,
what was :
a). St. Teresa's initial concerns
[Life: Ch.35: #8 ]
b). Her first reaction to the news
of the election
[Life: Ch. 35: #8,9]
c). God's will
[Life: Ch. 35: #9 ]
d). The reason why
she later wanted to leave at once
[Life: Ch. 35: #10 ]
e). Her two contrary feelings
and their resolution
[Life: Ch. 35: #10, 11, 12 ]
__________________________
Chapter 35
1. When I was staying with this lady,
[510] already spoken of,
in whose house I remained
more than six months,
our Lord ordained
that a holy woman of our Order
[511] should hear of me,
who was more than seventy leagues
away from the place.
She happened to travel this way,
and went some leagues
out of her road
that she might see me.
Our Lord had moved her
in the same year, and
in the same month of the year,
that He had moved me,
to found another monastery
of the Order;
and as He had given her this desire,
she
sold all she possessed, and
went to Rome to obtain
the necessary faculties.
She went on foot, and barefooted.
She is a woman
of great penance and prayer,
one to whom our Lord
gave many graces; and
our Lady
appeared to her, and
commanded her
to undertake this work.
Her progress
in the service of our Lord
was so much greater than mine,
that I was ashamed to stand
in her presence.
She showed me Briefs
she brought from Rome,
and during the fortnight
she remained with me
we laid our plan for the founding
of these monasteries.
2. Until I spoke to her, I never knew
that our rule,
before it was mitigated,
required of us
that we should possess nothing; [512]
nor was I going to found a monastery
without revenue, [513]
for my intention was
that we should be without anxiety
about all that was necessary for us,
and I did not think
of the many anxieties
which the possession of property
brings in its train.
This holy woman,
taught of our Lord,
perfectly understood
-- though she could not read --
what I was ignorant of,
notwithstanding my having read
the Constitutions [514] so often;
and when she told me of it,
I thought it right,
though I feared
they would never consent to this,
but would tell me
I was committing follies, and
that I ought not to do anything
whereby I might bring suffering
upon others.
If this concerned only myself,
nothing should have kept me back,
-- on the contrary,
it would have been my great joy
to think that I was observing
the counsels of Christ our Lord;
for His Majesty had already given me
great longings for poverty. [515]
3. As for myself,
I never doubted
that this was the better part;
for I had now for some time
wished it were possible in my state
to go about begging,
for the love of God --
to have no house of my own,
nor anything else.
But I was afraid that others
-- if our Lord did not give them
the same desire --
might live in discontent.
Moreover, I feared
that it might be the cause
of some distraction:
for I knew some poor monasteries
not very recollected, and
I did not consider
that their not being recollected
was the cause of their poverty, and
that their poverty was not
the cause of their distraction:
distraction never makes people richer,
and God never fails those
who serve Him.
In short,
I was weak in faith;
but not so this servant of God.
4. As I took the advice
of many in everything,
I found scarcely any one of this opinion
-- neither my confessor,
nor the learned men
to whom I spoke of it.
They gave me so many reasons
the other way,
that I did not know what to do.
But when I saw
what the rule required, and
that poverty was the more perfect way,
I could not persuade myself
to allow an endowment.
And though they did persuade me
now and then
that they were right,
yet, when I returned to my prayer,
and saw Christ on the cross,
so poor and destitute,
I could not bear to be rich,
and I implored Him with tears
so to order matters
that I might be poor as He was.
5. I found
that so many inconveniences resulted
from an endowment, and saw
that it was the cause
of so much trouble,
and even distraction,
that I did nothing but dispute
with the learned.
I wrote to that Dominican friar [516]
who was helping us, and
he sent back two sheets
by way of reply,
full of objections and theology
against my plan,
telling me
that he had thought much
on the subject.
I answered
that, in order to escape from
my vocation,
the vow of poverty I had made, and
the perfect observance
of the counsels of Christ,
I did not want any theology
to help me,
and in this case
I should not thank him
for his learning.
"I replied that I had no wish to make use of theology and should not thank him for his learning in this matter if it was going to keep me from following my vocation, from being true to the vow of poverty that I had made, and from observing Christ's precepts with due perfection" - Peers Translation |
"Yo le respondí que para no seguir mi llamamiento y el voto que tenía hecho de pobreza y los consejos de Cristo con toda perfección, que no quería aprovecharme de teología, ni con sus letras en este caso me hiciese merced". - "La Vida de la Madre Teresa de Jesús escrita de su misma mano, con una aprobación del P. Maestro Fr. Domingo Báñez su confesor y cathedrático de prima en Salamanca". "The Life of Mother Teresa of Jesus written in her same hand with the approval of Fr Domingo Banez, her confessor" |
Blogger's poor translation I answered him that I did not want to take advantage of theology that was not supportive for to follow/continue - my call and - the vow of poverty I had made and - Christ's counsels with all perfection, nor with their learning which in this case, was not doing me any mercy. |
If I found any one
who would help me,
it pleased me much.
The lady in whose house
I was staying
was a great help to me in this matter.
Some at first told me
that they agreed with me;
afterwards, when they had considered
the matter longer,
they found in it so many inconveniences
that they insisted on my giving it up.
I told them
that, though they changed their opinion
so quickly,
I would abide by the first.
6. At this time,
because of my entreaties,
-- for the lady had never
seen the holy friar,
Peter of Alcantara, --
it pleased our Lord to bring him
to her house.
As he
was a great lover of poverty, and
had lived in it for so many years,
he knew well the treasures
it contains, and so
he was a great help to me;
he charged me on no account
whatever to give up my purpose.
Now, having this opinion and sanction,
-- no one was better able to give it,
because he knew what it was
by long experience, --
I made up my mind to seek
no further advice.
7. One day, when I was very earnestly
commending the matter to God,
our Lord told me
that I must by no means
give up my purpose
of founding the monastery
in poverty;
it was
His will, and
the will of His Father:
He would help me.
I was in a trance; and
the effects were such,
that I could have no doubt it
came from God.
On another occasion,
He said to me
- that endowments bred confusion,
- with other things in praise of poverty; and
- assured me
that whosoever served Him
would never be in want
of the necessary means of living:
and this want, as I have said, [517]
I never feared myself.
Our Lord changed the dispositions
also of the licentiate,
-- I am speaking of the
Dominican friar, [518] --
who,
as I said, wrote to me
that I should not found the monastery
without an endowment.
Now, I was in the greatest joy
at hearing this;
and having these opinions in my favour,
it seemed to me
nothing less than the possession
of all the wealth of the world,
when I had resolved to live in poverty
for the love of God.
8. At this time, my Provincial
withdrew
the order and
the obedience, in virtue
of which I was staying
in that house. [519]
He left it to me to do as I liked:
if I wished to return
I might do so;
if I wished to remain
I might also do so for a certain time.
But during that time
the elections in my monastery [520]
would take place
and I was told that many of the nuns
wished to lay on me
the burden of superiorship.
The very thought of this alone
was a great torment to me;
for though I was resolved
to undergo readily
any kind of martyrdom for God,
I could not persuade myself at all
to accept this;
for, putting aside
the great trouble it involved,
-- because the nuns
were so many, --
and other reasons,
such as that I
never wished for it,
nor for any other office,
-- on the contrary,
had always refused them, --
it seemed to me
that my conscience would be
in great danger; and
so I praised God
that I was not then in my convent.
I wrote to my friends and
asked them not to vote for me.
9. When I was rejoicing
that I was not in that trouble,
our Lord said to me
- that I was on no account
to keep away;
- that as I longed for a cross,
there was one ready for me, and
- that a heavy one:
- that I was not to throw it away,
- but go on with resolution;
- He would help me, and
- I must go at once.
I was
very much distressed, and
did nothing but weep,
because I thought that my cross
was to be the office of prioress;
and, as I have just said,
I could not persuade myself
that it would be at all good for my soul
-- nor could I see any means
by which it would be.
I told my confessor of it, and
he commanded me
- to return at once:
- that to do so was clearly
the most perfect way; and
- that, because the heat was very great,
-- it would be enough
if I arrived
before the election, --
I might wait a few days,
in order that my journey
might do me no harm.
10. But our Lord
had ordered it otherwise.
I had to go at once,
because
- the uneasiness I felt
was very great; and
- I was unable to pray, and
- thought I was failing in obedience
to the commandments
of our Lord, and
- that as I was happy and contented
where I was,
I would not go to meet trouble.
- All my service of God there
was lip-service:
- why did I, having the opportunity
of living in greater perfection,
neglect it?
- If I died on the road, let me die.
- Besides, my soul was in great straits,
and our Lord had taken from me
all sweetness in prayer.
In short, I was in such a state of torment,
that I begged the lady to let me go;
for my confessor,
when he saw the plight I was in,
had already told me to go,
God having moved him
as He had moved me.
The lady felt my departure very much,
and that was another pain to bear;
for it had cost her
- much trouble, and
- diverse importunities of the Provincial,
to have me in her house.
11. I considered it a very great thing
for her to have given her consent,
when she felt it so much;
but, as she was a person
who feared God exceedingly,
-- and as I told her,
among many other reasons,
that my going away
tended greatly to His service, and
held out the hope
that I might possibly return, --
she gave way,
but with much sorrow.
I was now not sorry myself
at coming away,
for I knew
that it was an act
of greater perfection, and
for the service of God.
So the pleasure
I had in pleasing God
took away the pain
of quitting that lady,
-- whom I saw suffering so keenly, --
and others to whom I owed much,
particularly my confessor
of the Society of Jesus,
in whom I found all I needed.
But
the greater the consolations
I lost for our Lord's sake,
the greater was my joy
in losing them.
I could not understand it,
for I had a clear consciousness
of these two contrary feelings
-- pleasure, consolation, and joy
in that which weighed down my soul
with sadness.
I was joyful and tranquil,
and had opportunities
of spending many hours in prayer;
and I saw that I was going
to throw myself into a fire;
for our Lord had already told me
that I was going to carry a heavy cross,
-- though I never thought
it would be so heavy
as I afterwards found it to be, --
yet I went forth rejoicing.
I was distressed
because I had not
already begun the fight,
since it was our Lord's will
that I should be in it.
Thus His Majesty
gave me strength, and
established it in my weakness. [521]
12. As I have just said,
I could not understand
how this could be.
I thought of this illustration:
if I were possessed
of a jewel,
or any other thing
which gave me great pleasure,
and it came to my knowledge
that a person
whom I loved
more than myself, and
whose satisfaction I preferred
to my own,
wished to have it,
it would give me great pleasure
to deprive myself of it,
because I would give all I possessed
to please that person.
Now, as the pleasure of giving pleasure
to that person
surpasses any pleasure
I have in that jewel myself,
I should not be distressed
in giving away that
or anything else I loved,
nor at the loss of that pleasure
which the possession of it gave me.
So now, though I wished
to feel some distress
when I saw
that those whom I was leaving
felt my going so much,
yet, notwithstanding
my naturally grateful disposition,
-- which, under other circumstances,
would have been enough
to have caused me great pain, --
at this time,
though I wished to feel it,
I could feel none.
13. The delay of another day
was so serious a matter
in the affairs of this holy house,
that I know not
how they would have been settled
if I had waited.
Oh, God is great!
I am often lost in wonder
when I consider and see the special help
which His Majesty gave me
towards the establishment
of this little cell of God,
-- for such I believe it to be, --
the lodging wherein His Majesty delights;
for once, when I was in prayer,
He told me
that this house was the paradise
of his delight. [522]
It seems, then,
that His Majesty has chosen these
whom he has drawn hither,
among whom I am living
very much ashamed of myself. [523]
I could not have even wished for souls
such as they are
for the purpose of this house,
where enclosure, poverty, and prayer
are so strictly observed;
they submit
with so much joy and contentment,
that every one of them thinks herself
unworthy of the grace
of being received into it,
-- some of them particularly;
for our Lord has called them
out of the vanity and dissipation
of the world,
in which, according to its laws,
they might have lived contented.
Our Lord has multiplied their joy,
so that they see clearly
how He had given them a hundredfold
for the one thing they have left, [524] and
for which they cannot
thank His Majesty enough.
Others He has advanced
from well to better.
To the young He gives
courage and knowledge,
so that they may
desire nothing else, and also
understand that to live away
from all things in this life
is to live in greater peace
even here below.
To those
who are no longer young, and
whose health is weak, He gives
-- and has given --
the strength to undergo
the same austerities and penance
with all the others.
14. O my Lord!
how Thou dost show Thy power!
There is no need
to seek reasons for Thy will;
for with Thee,
against all natural reason,
all things are possible:
so that thou teachest clearly
there is no need of anything
but of
- loving Thee [525] in earnest, and
- really giving up everything for Thee,
in order that Thou, O my Lord,
might make everything easy.
It is well said
that Thou feignest
to make Thy law difficult: [526]
I do not see it,
nor do I feel that the way
that leadeth unto Thee is narrow.
I see it as
a royal road, and
not a pathway;
a road upon
which whosoever really enters,
travels most securely.
No mountain passes and
no cliffs are near it:
these are the occasions of sin.
I call that
a pass,
-- a dangerous pass, -- and
a narrow road, which has
on one side
a deep hollow,
into which one stumbles, and
on the other
a precipice,
over which they who are careless
fall, and
are dashed to pieces.
He who loves Thee, O my God,
travels safely
by the open and royal road,
far away from the precipice:
he has scarcely stumbled at all,
when Thou stretchest forth Thy hand
to save him.
One fall -- yea, many falls --
if he does but love
- Thee, and
- not the things of the world,
are not enough to make him perish;
he travels in the valley of humility.
I cannot understand what it is
that makes men afraid
of the way of perfection.
15. May our Lord of His mercy
make us see
- what a poor security we have
in the midst of dangers so manifest,
when we live
like the rest of the world; and
- that true security consists
in striving to advance
in the way of God!
Let us
fix our eyes upon Him, and
have no fear that the Sun of justice
will ever set, or
suffer us to travel to our ruin by night,
unless we first look away from Him.
People are not afraid of living
in the midst of lions,
every one of whom seems eager
to tear them:
I am speaking
of honours, pleasures, and the like joys,
as the world calls them:
and herein the devil seems
to make us afraid of ghosts.
I am astonished a thousand times,
and ten thousand times
would I relieve myself by
weeping, and
proclaim aloud
my own great blindness and wickedness,
if, perchance, it might help
in some measure to open their eyes.
May He, who is almighty, of His goodness
open their eyes, and
never suffer mine to be blind again!
__________________________________
Foot Notes:
[510] Dona Luisa de la Cerda.
[511] Maria of Jesus was the daughter
of a Reporter of Causes in the
Chancery of Granada;
but his name and that of his wife are not known.
Maria married, but became a widow soon afterwards.
She then became a novice in the
Carmelite monastery in Granada,
and during her noviciate had revelations,
like those of St. Teresa, about a reform of the Order.
Her confessor made light of her revelations,
and she then referred them to F. Gaspar de Salazar,
a confessor of St. Teresa, who was then in Granada.
He approved of them, and Maria left the noviciate,
and went to Rome with two holy women
of the Order of St. Francis.
The three made the journey on foot,
and, moreover, barefooted.
Pope Pius IV. heard her prayer, and,
looking at her torn and bleeding feet,
said to her, "Woman of strong courage,
let it be as thou wilt."
She returned to Granada, but both the Carmelites
and the city refused her permission
to found her house there, and
some went so far as to threaten
to have her publicly whipped.
Dona Leonor de Mascareñas gave her
a house in Alcala de Henares,
of which she took possession Sept. 11, 1562;
but the house was formally constituted July 23, 1563,
and subjected to the Bishop ten days after
(Reforma, i. c. 59;
and Don Vicente, vol. i. p. 255).
The latter says that the Chronicler is in error
when he asserts that this
monastery of Maria of Jesus was endowed.
[512] The sixth chapter of the rule is:
"Nullus fratrum sibi aliquid proprium,
esse dicat, sed sint vobis omnia communia."
[513] See [397]ch. xxxii. § 13.
[514] The Constitutions which the Saint
read in the Monastery of the Incarnation
must have been the Constitutions
grounded on the Mitigated Rule
which was sanctioned by Eugenius IV.
(Romani Pontificis, A.D. 1432).
[515] See [398]Relation, i. § 10.
[516] F. Pedro Ibanez.
[517] [399]Ch. xi. § 3.
[518] F. Pedro Ibanez.
[519] The house of Dona Luisa, in Toledo.
[520] The monastery of the Incarnation, Avila.
[521] 2 Cor. xii. 9:
"Virtus in infirmitate perficitur."
[522] See Way of Perfection, ch. xxii.;
but ch. xiii. ed. Doblado.
[523] See Foundations, ch. I, § 1.
[524] St. Matt. xix. 29:
"Et omnis qui reliquerit domum . . .
propter nomen Meum, centuplum accipiet,
et vitam aeternam possidebit."
[525] When the workmen were busy
with the building, a nephew of the Saint,
the child of her sister and Don Juan de Ovalle,
was struck by some falling stones and killed.
The workmen took the child to his mother:
and the Saint, then in the house of
Dona Guiomar de Ulloa, was sent for.
Dona Guiomar took the dead boy into her arms,
gave him to the Saint,
saying that it was a grievous blow
to the father and mother, and
that she must obtain his life from God.
The Saint took the body, and, laying it in her lap,
ordered those around her to cease their lamentations,
of whom her sister was naturally the loudest, and be silent.
Then, covering her face and her body with her veil,
she prayed to God, and God gave the child his life again.
The little boy soon after ran up to his aunt and
thanked her for what she had done.
In after years the child used to say to the Saint that,
as she had deprived him
of the bliss of heaven by bringing him back to life,
she was bound to see that he did not suffer loss.
Don Gonzalo died three years after St. Teresa,
when he was twenty-eight years of age
(Reforma, i. c. 42, § 2).
[526] Psalm xciii. 20:
"Qui fingis laborem in praecepto."
~ End of Chapter 35 ~ |
