The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel
Discussion of Chapter 30
She continues
- the history of her life, and
- how God sent her a remedy for all her anxieties
by calling the holy Friar Fray Pedro de Alcantara
of the Order of the glorious St. Francis
to the place where she lived.
She mentions
- some great temptations and interior trials
through which she sometimes had to pass.
- St. Peter of Alcantara Comforts the Saint.
- Great Temptations and
- Interior Trials.
_______________________
Topics/ Questions
1). Regarding the great impulses of love
that she experienced, what did
St. Teresa find hard to understand ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 1 ]
2). How did St. Teresa describe her
initial method of Confession
to St. Peter of Alcantara?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 4 ]
3). Why was it so important
and beneficial for St. Teresa
that her Confessor have experience
and advancement in prayer?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 4, 6, 7, 5, 12, 13 ]
4). What does St. Teresa say is a great
"pleasure or comfort"
for "a person, whom our Lord
has raised to this state" ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 6 ]
5). How did St. Teresa describe
"false humility" in herself ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 10 ]
6). How did she distinguish between
true humility and false humility?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 10, 11, 12 ]
7). St. Teresa described the state of her soul
and its interior trials.
Her description seems to corresponds
to the later writings
of St. John of the Cross regarding
the dark night of faith,
the night of the spirit".
What were her comments ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14, 15, 18, 19, 22 ]
8). What helped her
in her interior trials and
what does she advise?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 16, 17 ]
9). What did St. Teresa say about her
need for books written
on the subject of prayer?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 20, 21 ]
10). How does she compare
her current state
with "the other states (wherin)
so great are the effects" such as,
"those great impetuosities of love"?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 23, 25]
11). How does St. Teresa discuss
the value of bodily weakness
and poor health in terms
of Penance?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 25, 26 ]
12). What did St. Teresa say about
her love for God and her ability
to render good works?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21, 24, 26 ]
__________________________
1). Regarding the great impulses of love
that she experienced, what did
St. Teresa find hard to understand ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 1 ]
St. Teresa said that she "could not understand"
how she could experience
both spiritual pain and spiritual joy
together at the same time.
"the coexistence
of a spiritual pain
so excessive as this, and
of joy
so deep,
troubled my understanding."
"I began also to be afraid of them,
because I could not understand
how this pain and joy
could subsist together.
However, she did understand that one could
endure bodily pain while
experiencing spiritual joy:
"I knew it was possible enough
for bodily pain and spiritual joy
to dwell together".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 1 ]
______________________
2). How did St. Teresa describe her
initial method of Confession
to St. Peter of Alcantara?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 4 ]
She strived
"to be perfectly frank and exact"
in order to "make known
the state of my soul" to him.
She not only discussed:
- her life
but also
- her prayer method and experiences
and also
- her "first impulses"
(her immediate reactions
first motions or stirrings )
- and accusations against herself.
"I gave him an account,
as briefly as I could,
of my life, and
of my way of prayer,
with the utmost clearness in my power.
"Even my first impulses
I wish them to known"
"I used to make the most of
...doubtful and suspicious matters…
by...(putting forth arguments, accusations )...
against myself.
"Even my first impulses
I wish them to know;
and as for doubtful
and suspicious matters,
I used to make the most of them by
arguing against myself".
"Thus, then,
without equivocation or concealment,
I laid before him the state of my soul."
[ Life: Ch.30: # 4 ]
___________________________
3). Why was it so important
and beneficial for St. Teresa
that her Confessor have experience
and advancement in prayer?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 4, 6, 7, 5, 12, 13 ]
St. Teresa said that it was necessary that
her Confessor have experience
in advanced prayer states
because at that time:
a). She did not know
- herself or
- how to express her own experience
in words.
"for at that time I did not know myself
as I do now,
so as to give an account of my state.
"It was necessary, then,
that he who would
clearly understand and
explain my state
should have had experience
of it, himself".
She said of St. Peter of Alcantara:
"I saw almost at once
that he understood me,
by reason of his own experience.
That was all I required".
Later, she was given the graces
of self-knowledge and
of better understanding her state and
of being able to describe these
graces which the Lord granted her:
"It was at a later time
that God enabled me to
understand myself, and
describe the graces
which His Majesty bestows upon me.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 4 ]
b). She was undergoing a great trial
of being misunderstood,
contradicted, and frightened
by those to whom she
went to for guidance.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 6 ]
Those
who were not led in the way
that she was being led by God and
who did not have this experience
"told me that the devil
had power over me"
[ Life: Ch.30: # 7 ]
St. Peter of Alcantara "told me
that one of the greatest trials
in this world
was that which I had borne, namely,
the contradiction of good people,
and that more was in reserve for me:
I had need, therefore, of some one
--and there was no one in this city--
who understood me".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 6 ]
St. Peter of Alcantara...
by virtue of his experience in prayer
"explained it to me, and
bade me
not to be distressed,
but to praise God, and
to abide in the full conviction
that this was the work
of the Spirit of God"
[ Life: Ch.30: # 5 ]
St. Peter of Alcantara..."would speak
to my confessor, and (others)...
explained the matter, and
gave them reasons
why they should
reassure themselves, and
disturb me no more.
My confessor was easily satisfied,
not so the nobleman;
for though they were not enough
to keep him quiet,
yet they kept him in some measure
from frightening me so much
as he used to do".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 6 ]
c). She seem to say
that experience is needed
to detect the subtle inventions
of the devil
because "learning and knowledge
are of (not of) any use here"
and that by her experience
she now able to recognize
these inventions.
(For example: false humility)
"This invention of Satan is one
of the most painful, subtle, and crafty
that I have known him to possess;
I should therefore like to warn you,
my father, of it, in order that,
if Satan should tempt you herein,
you may
have some light, and
be aware of his devices...
because you must not suppose
that learning and knowledge
are of any use here;
for though I have none
(learning and knowledge)
of them myself ,
yet now that I have escaped
out of his hands
I see clearly that this is folly".
[ Life: Ch.30: #12 ]
"As a person who,
having travelled often
by a particular road,
knows,
though it be night and dark,
by his past experience of it,
where he may stumble, and
where he ought to be
on his guard
against that risk,
because he has seen the place by day,
so the soul avoids offending God:
[ Life: Ch.30: #13 ]
_______________________________
4). What does St. Teresa say is a great
"pleasure or comfort"
for "a person, whom our Lord
has raised to this state" ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 6 ]
St. Teresa said:
"To a person
whom our Lord has raised to this state,
there is no pleasure or comfort
equal to that of
meeting with another
whom our Lord has begun
to raise in the same way".
"At that time, however,
it must have been
only a beginning with me..."
[ Life: Ch.30: # 6 ]
_________________________
5). How did St. Teresa describe
"false humility" in herself ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 10 ]
Regarding "false humility",
St. Teresa said
that by her own sins,
she was the cause of "all the evils"
"I looked upon myself
as so wicked
as to have been the cause,
by my sins,
of
all the evils and
all the heresies
that had sprung up.
This is but a false humility,
and Satan invented it
for the purpose of
disquieting me, and
trying whether he could thereby
drive my soul to despair".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 10 ]
___________________________
6). How did she distinguish between
true humility and false humility?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 10, 11, 12 ]
~ True Humility:
Although
"the soul acknowledges itself
to be miserable, and...
it is painful to us
to see ourselves as we are, and...
we have most deep convictions
of our own wickedness,
deep...and really felt,
true humility
is not attended with trouble;
it does not disturb the soul;
it causes neither obscurity nor aridity:
on the contrary,
it consoles.
It is altogether different,
bringing with it
calm, sweetness, and light.
It is no doubt painful;
but, on the other hand, it is consoling,
because we see
how great is the mercy of our Lord
in allowing the soul to have that pain,
and how well the soul is occupied.
On the one hand,
the soul grieves
over its offences against God;
on the other,
His compassion makes it glad.
It has light,
which makes it ashamed of itself; and
it gives thanks to His Majesty,
who has borne with it so long.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 11 ]
~ False Humility:
"which is the work of Satan,
furnishes no light for any good work;
it pictures God
as bringing upon everything
fire and sword;
it dwells upon His justice;
the soul's faith in the mercy of God
is of such a nature
as to give...no consolation:
on the contrary,
the consideration of mercies so great
helps to increase the pain,
because I look upon myself
as bound to render greater service.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 11 ]
That it is (the work of the devil) is clear
from
the restlessness and discomfort
with which it begins, and
the trouble it causes in the soul
while it lasts;
from
the obscurity and distress,
the aridity and indisposition
for prayer and
for every good work,
which it produces.
It seems to
stifle the soul and
trammel the body,
so as to make them good for nothing".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 10 ]
"Satan invented it for the purpose of
disquieting me, and
trying whether he could thereby
drive my soul to despair.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 10 ]
"This invention of Satan
is one of the most
painful, subtle, and crafty
that I have known him to possess".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 12 ]
_______________________________
7). St. Teresa described the state of her soul
and its interior trials.
Her description seems to corresponds
to the later writings
of St. John of the Cross regarding
the dark night of faith,
the night of the spirit".
What were her comments ?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14, 15, 18, 19, 22 ]
~ Regarding Faith and other virtues:
"Faith is then as dead, and asleep,
like all the other virtues;
not lost, however,--
for the soul truly believes
all that the church holds;
but its profession of the faith
is hardly more
than an outward profession
of the mouth.
And, on the other hand,
temptations seem to
press it down, and
make it dull,
so that its knowledge of God
becomes to it as that of something
which it hears of far away".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14 ]
~ Regarding Love:
"So tepid is its love
that, when it hears God spoken of,
it listens and believes
that He is what He is,
because the Church so teaches;
but it recollects nothing
of its own former experience".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14 ]
~ Regarding Prayer or Solitude:
"Vocal prayer or solitude is only
a greater affliction,
because the interior suffering...
is unendurable, and,
as it seems to me,
in some measure a counterpart of hell.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14 ]
So it is, as our Lord showed me
in a vision;
for the soul itself is then
burning in the fire,
knowing
not who has kindled it,
nor whence it comes,
nor how to escape it,
nor how to put it out"
~ Regarding Spiritual Reading:
"if it seeks relief from the fire
by spiritual reading,
it cannot find any,
just as if it could not read at all.
On one occasion, it occurred to me
to read a life of a Saint,
that I might
forget myself, and
be refreshed with the recital
of what he had suffered.
Four or five times, I read as many lines
...I understood them less at the end
than I did when I began:
so I gave it up".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14 ]
~ Regarding Conversation:
"To converse with any one is worse,
for the devil then sends
so offensive a spirit of bad temper,
that I think I could eat people up;
nor can I help myself.
I feel that I do something
when I keep myself under control;
or rather our Lord does so,
when He holds back with His hand
any one in this state
from saying or doing something
that may be
hurtful to his neighbours and
offensive to God.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 15 ]
~ Regarding her own state:
"it seems to me
as if the very possibility of
thinking a good thought, or
desiring the accomplishment of it,
were utterly taken from me:
both soul and body are
altogether useless and
a heavy burden".
"....when I am in this state,
I ...suffer
from a certain loathing
of I know not what, and
my soul finds pleasure in nothing".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 18 ]
"On other occasions,
I find myself unable
to pray or
to fix my thoughts with
- any distinctness upon God, or
- anything that is good,
though I may be alone;
but I have a sense that I know Him"
[ Life: Ch.30: # 18]
"My soul, also, is subject occasionally
to a certain foolishness...
when I seem to be doing
neither good nor evil...
without pain or pleasure,
indifferent to
life and death,
pleasure and pain.
The soul seems to me like a little ass,
which feeds and thrives,
because it accepts the food
which is given it, and
eats it without reflection.
The soul in this state must be feeding
on some great mercies of God,
seeing
that its miserable life
is no burden to it, and
that it bears it patiently
but it is conscious
of no sensible movements or results,
whereby it may ascertain
the state it is in.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 22]
~ Regarding the faculties:
"It is
the Understanding and
the Imagination,...
which hurt me here;
for it seems to me
that I have a good Will,
disposed for all good;
but the Understanding is so lost,
that it seems to be nothing else
but a raving lunatic,
which nobody can restrain, and of
which I am not mistress enough
to keep it quiet for a minute.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 18]
Sometimes I
laugh at myself, and
recognise my wretchedness:
I watch my understanding, and
leave it alone
to see what it will do.
...it (doesn't concern itself with )
what is wrong,
but only on indifferent things,
(such as,) what is going on
here, or there, or elsewhere.
I see then, more and more,
the exceeding great mercy
of our Lord to me,
when He keeps this lunatic
(the understanding)
bound in the chains
of perfect contemplation.
"When, O my God, shall I see
my whole soul praising Thee,
that it may have
the fruition of Thee
in all its faculties?
Let me be no longer, O Lord,
thus torn to pieces,
and every one of them,...
running in a different direction.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 19]
_______________________
8). What helped her
in her interior trials and
what does she advise?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 16, 17 ]
St. Teresa stated that
~ the reception of the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist
gave her blessings and consolation
in her interior trials and physical condition.
~ the perseverance in trials, making efforts
to do what one can and
to rejoice "in suffering for His sake"
"will be all the greater gain".
- "Sometimes, almost always,
--at least, very frequently,--
I used to find rest after Communion;
now and then,
even, as I drew near
to the most Holy Sacrament,
all at once my soul and body
would be so well,
that I was amazed.
It seemed to be nothing else
but an instantaneous dispersion
of the darkness that covered my soul:
when the sun rose,
I saw how silly I had been.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 16 ]
- "though trials and persecutions increase,
yet, if we bear them
without offending our Lord,
rejoicing in suffering for His sake,
it will be all the greater gain:
[ Life: Ch.30: # 17]
_____________________________
9). What did St. Teresa say about her
need for books written
on the subject of prayer?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 20, 21 ]
St. Teresa felt she had
no further need of books
on the subject of prayer
because
- God had brought her
into an advanced state of prayer and
- eventually she received an understanding
of the prayer states.
But when she considered
- this attitude of thinking she didn't need
any book's guidance on prayer
- the deficits in her service to God,
"my conduct,...the many imperfections
I discern in myself"
she saw a lack of humility in herself.
She saw that she had
"not yet begun to serve God,
though He showers down upon me
those very graces".
She read books on the lives of the saints
hoping to learn and receive inspiration
regarding their service to God.
St. Teresa said:
"all the books which I read
on the subject of prayer,
I thought
(that) I understood thoroughly, and
that I required them no longer,
because our Lord had given me
the gift of prayer.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 20]
I therefore ceased to read those books,
and applied myself to lives of Saints,
thinking that this would
improve me and
give me courage;
for I found myself very defective
in every kind of service
which the Saints rendered unto God.
Then it struck me
that I had very little humility,
when I could think
that I had attained
to this degree of prayer;
and so, when I could not come
to any other conclusion,
I was greatly distressed,
until certain learned persons,
and the blessed friar, Peter of Alcantara,
told me not to trouble myself
about the matter.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 20]
I see clearly enough
that I have not yet begun
to serve God,
though He showers down upon me
those very graces
which He gives to many good people.
I am a mass of imperfection,
except in desire and in love;
for herein I see well
that our Lord has been gracious to me,
in order that I may please Him
in some measure.
I really think that I love Him;
but
my conduct, and
the many imperfections
I discern in myself,
make me sad.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21]
______________________
10). How does she compare
her current state
with "the other states (wherin)
so great are the effects"
such as, "those great impetuosities of love"?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 23, 25]
~ The other states (wherein)
so great are the effects"
such as, "those great impetuosities of love":
"the soul sees almost at once
an improvement in itself,
because the desires instantly
are on fire,
and the soul is never satisfied.
It is like those little wells
I have seen flowing,
wherein the upheaving of the sand
never ceases.
their love is ever active,
thinking what it may do;
it cannot contain itself,
as the water remains
not in the earth,
but is continually welling upwards
So is the soul, in general;
it is not at rest,
nor can it contain itself,
because of the love it has:
it is so saturated therewith,
that it would have others drink of it,
because there is more than
enough for itself,
in order that they might help it
to praise God.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 23]
This love is also like a great fire,
which requires fuel continually,
in order that it may not burn out.
So those souls I am speaking of,
however much it may cost them,
will always bring fuel,
in order that the fire
may not be quenched.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 25]
~ How she describes her own state:
"now like sailing
with a very gentle wind,
when one makes much way
without knowing how"
[ Life: Ch.30: # 23]
As for me, I should be glad,
considering what I am,
if I had but straw
even to throw upon it.
And so it is with me occasionally
--and, indeed, very often.
At one time, I laugh at myself; and
at another, I am very much distressed.
The inward stirring of my love
urges me to do something
for the service of God;
and I am not able to do more than
adorn images with boughs and flowers
clean or arrange an oratory,
or some such trifling acts,
so that I am ashamed of myself.
If I undertook any penitential practice,
the whole
was so slight, and
was done in such a way,
that if our Lord did not accept
my good will,
I saw it was all worthless,
and so I laughed at myself.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 25]
"and then it seems to me
as if the very possibility of
thinking a good thought, or
desiring the accomplishment of it,
were utterly taken from me:
[ Life: Ch.30: # 17]
_________________________
11). How does St. Teresa discuss
the value of bodily weakness
and poor health in terms
of Penance?
[ Life: Ch.30: # 25, 26 ]
St. Teresa is referring to those
whom God has granted advancement
in prayer and love.
She states that for these souls,
the inability to do penance and sacrifices
for the love of God,
is, itself, a great penance.
"The failure of bodily strength,
sufficient to do something for God,
is no light affliction for those souls
to whom He, in His goodness,
has communicated this fire
of His love in its fulness.
It is a very good penance;
for when souls
are not strong enough
to heap fuel on this fire,
and die of fear
that the fire may go out,
it seems to me that they
become fuel themselves,
are reduced to ashes, or
dissolved in tears, and
burn away:
and this is suffering enough,
though it be sweet.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 25]
“...one neither knows nor comprehends
the blessing he possesses,
unless he knows by experience
what it is to be powerless
to serve God in anything,
and at the same time
to be receiving much from Him".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 26]
21. "Alabe muy mucho al Señor el alma que ha llegado aquà y le da fuerzas corporales para hacer penitencia, o le dio letras y talentos y libertad para predicar y confesar y llegar almas a Dios" "The Life of Mother Teresa of Jesus written in her same hand with the approval of Fr Domingo Banez, her Confessor" Ch. 30 #21 Blogger's poor translation: Let the soul praise the Lord very much who has arrived here and (who) was given the bodily strength to do penance, or the learning and the ability and the freedom to preach and confess and bring souls to God confesar - to confess ( to admit) in terms of sins - to hear confession (in the context of a Priest) St. Teresa seems to be talking to her Confessor and using "confesar" as "to hear confessions" since 1). the context also includes preaching and bringing souls to God. 2). The next paragraph (#27) explicitly addresses the Priest who asked her to write this account of her life. "But as you, my father, bade me again" |
_________________________________
12). What did St. Teresa say about
her love for God and her ability
to render good works?
St. Teresa stated
that her desires to please God were strong
but her actions were deficient;
that her actions didn't measure up
to her desires.
However, she said
that God saw and accepted her
efforts and "good will".
"for it seems to me
that I have a good will,
disposed for all good;"
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21 ]
St. Teresa described:
~ Her desire to love God:
"I am a mass of imperfection,
except in desire and in love;"
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21 ]
"I call to remembrance
that living water
of which our Lord spoke
to the Samaritan woman.
That Gospel has a great attraction
for me;...
I used to pray much to our Lord
for that living water".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 24 ]
"On other occasions,
I find myself unable
to pray or
to fix my thoughts with
- any distinctness upon God, or
- anything that is good,
though I may be alone;
but I have a sense that I know Him"
[ Life: Ch.30: # 18]
“...I had those very desires
which in (St. Peter of Alcantara)
were fulfilled already,
-- for our Lord had given me
very strong desires,--
and also how great my resolution was...
At that time, however,
it must have been
only a beginning with me”
[ Life: Ch.30: # 6 ]
Regarding those times when she experienced
interior trials, St. Teresa stated:
“Faith is then as dead, and asleep,
like all the other virtues;
not lost, however,--
for the soul truly believes
all that the church holds;
but its profession of the faith
is hardly more
than an outward profession
of the mouth.
...temptations seem to...
make it dull,
so that its knowledge of God
becomes to it as that of something
which it hears of far away".
"So tepid is its love
that, when it hears God spoken of,
it listens and believes
that He is what He is,
because the Church so teaches;
but it recollects nothing
of its own former experience".
Vocal prayer or solitude is only
a greater affliction,
because the interior suffering...
is unendurable”
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14 ]
“for the soul itself is then
burning in the fire,
knowing
not who has kindled it,
nor whence it comes,
nor how to escape it,
nor how to put it out:
[ Life: Ch.30: # 14 ]
~ Her ability in rendering works
for the love of God:
"I really think that I love Him;
but
my conduct, and
the many imperfections
I discern in myself,
make me sad".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21 ]
"The inward stirring of my love
urges me to do something
for the service of God;
and I am not able to do more than
adorn images
with boughs and flowers,
clean or arrange an oratory,
or some such trifling acts,
so that I am ashamed of myself.
If I undertook any penitential practice,
the whole
was so slight, and
was done in such a way,
that if our Lord did not accept
my good will,
I saw it was all worthless,
and so I laughed at myself".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21]
"I see clearly enough
that I have not yet begun
to serve God,
though He showers down upon me
those very graces
which He gives to many good people.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21]
“I used to try exterior good works,
in order to occupy myself
partly by violence;
and I know well how weak a soul is
when grace is hiding itself.
It did not distress me much,
because the sight of my own meanness
gave me some satisfaction.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 18 ]
St. Teresa writes of the Lord's
graciousness to her:
"…one neither knows nor comprehends
the blessing he possesses,
unless he knows by experience
what it is to be powerless
to serve God in anything,
and at the same time
to be receiving much from Him".
[ Life: Ch.30: # 26 ]
"for herein I see well
that our Lord has been gracious
to me,
in order that I may please Him
in some measure.
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21 ]
"that if our Lord did not accept
my good will,
I saw it was all worthless..."
[ Life: Ch.30: # 21 ]
End of Discussion of Chapter 30 |
