The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel
CHAPTER 37
Of
- another way in which God teaches a soul, and,
- without speaking, makes His Will known
in an admirable manner.
She goes on to explain
- a vision, though not an imaginary one, and
- a great grace with which God favoured her.
This chapter is noteworthy.
- The Effects of the Divine Graces in the Soul.
- The Inestimable Greatness of
One Degree of Glory.
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Topics/ Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along:
1). What did St. Teresa say
regarding graces
[ Life: Ch.37: # 2,3 ]
2). What blessings does St. Teresa
describe from the Visions of God?
[ Life: Ch.37: #4 ,5,7,9,10 ]
3). How does St. Teresa describe
the state of her soul?
[ Life: Ch.37: # 10,11,12 ]
4). How does st. Teresa describe
the complications of social discourse?
[ Life: Ch.37: # 15, 16,17, 18 ]
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Chapter 37
1. It is painful to me to recount
more of the graces
which our Lord gave me
than these already spoken of;
and they are so many,
that nobody can believe
they were ever given
to one so wicked:
but in obedience to our Lord,
who has commanded me to do it,[560]
and you, my fathers,
I will speak of some of them
to His glory.
May it please His Majesty
it may be to the profit of some soul!
For if our Lord has been thus gracious
to so miserable a thing as myself,
what will He be
to those who shall serve Him truly?
Let all people resolve
to please His Majesty,
seeing that He gives such pledges
as these, even in this life. [561]
2. In the first place,
it must be understood
that, in those graces
which God bestows on the soul,
there are diverse degrees of joy:
for in some visions
the joy and sweetness and comfort
of them
so far exceed those
of others,
that I am amazed
at the different degrees of fruition
even in this life;
for it happens
that the joy and consolation
which God gives in
a vision or
a trance
are so different,
that it seems impossible for the soul
to be able
to desire anything more in this world:
and, so, in fact, the soul does
not desire,
nor would it ask for,
a greater joy.
Still, since our Lord
has made me understand
- how great a difference there is
in heaven itself between
the fruition of one and
that of another,
I see clearly enough that here also,
- when our Lord wills,
He gives not by measure; [562]
and so I wish that
I myself observed no measure
- in serving His Majesty, and
- in using my whole life and strength
and health therein; and
I would not have any fault of mine
rob me of the slightest degree
of fruition.
3. And so I say that
if I were asked which I preferred,
◊ to endure all the trials of the world
until the end of it, and
then receive one slight degree
of glory additional,
or
◊ to enter into glory
of a slightly lower degree,
without any suffering of any kind
I would accept -- oh, how willingly! --
all those trials for one slight degree
of fruition
in the contemplation
of the greatness of God;
for I know
that he who
understands Him best,
loves Him and praises Him best.
I do not mean
that I should not
be satisfied, and
consider myself most blessed,
to be in heaven,
even if I should be
in the lowest place;
for as I am one
who had that place in hell,
it would be a great mercy of our Lord
to admit me at all;
and may it please His Majesty to
bring me thither, and
take away His eyes
from beholding my grievous sins.
What I mean is this, --
if it were in my power, even
if it cost me everything,
and our Lord gave me the grace
to endure much affliction,
I would not through any fault of mine
lose one degree of glory.
Ah, wretched that I am,
who by so many faults
had forfeited all!
4. It is also to be observed
that, in every vision or revelation
which our Lord in His mercy sent me,
a great gain accrued to my soul,
and that in some of the visions
this gain was very great.
The vision of Christ
left behind an impression
of His exceeding beauty, and
it remains with me to this day.
One vision alone of Him
is enough to effect this;
what, then, must all those visions
have done,
which our Lord in His mercy sent me?
One exceedingly great blessing
has resulted therefrom,
and it is this,
-- I had one very grievous fault,
which was the source of much evil;
namely, whenever I found anybody
well disposed towards myself, and
I liked him,
I used to have such an affection
for him as compelled me always
to remember and think of him,
though I had no intention
of offending God:
however, I was pleased to see him,
to think of him and
of his good qualities.
All this was so hurtful,
that it brought my soul
to the very verge of destruction.
5. But ever since I saw
the great beauty of our Lord, [563]
I never saw any one
who in comparison with Him
seemed even endurable,
or that could occupy my thoughts.
For if I but turn mine eyes inwardly
for a moment to the contemplation
of the image which I have within me,
I find myself so free,
that from that instant
everything I see is loathsome
in comparison with
the excellences and graces
of which I had a vision in our Lord.
Neither is there any sweetness,
nor any kind of pleasure,
which I can make any account of,
compared with that
which comes from hearing
but one word from His divine mouth.
What, then, must it be
when I hear so many?
I look upon it as impossible
-- unless our Lord, for my sins,
should permit the loss
of this remembrance --
that I should have the power
to occupy myself with anything
in such a way as
that I should not instantly
recover my liberty
by thinking of our Lord.
6. This has happened to me
with some of my confessors,
for I always have a great affection
for those who have the direction
of my soul.
As I really saw in them
only the representatives of God,
I thought my will was always there
where it is most occupied;
and as I felt very safe in the matter,
I always showed myself glad
to see them. [564]
They, on the other hand,
servants of God, and fearing Him,
were afraid that I was
attaching and binding myself
too much to them,
though in a holy way,
and treated me with rudeness.
This took place
after I had become
so ready to obey them;
for before that time I had no affection
whatever for them.
I used to laugh to myself,
when I saw
how much they were deceived.
Though I was not always
putting before them
how little I was attached to anybody,
as clearly as I was convinced
of it myself,
yet I did assure them of it;
and they,
in their further relations with me,
acknowledged how much I owed
to our Lord in the matter.
These suspicions of me always arose
in the beginning.
7. My love of, and trust in, our Lord,
after I had seen Him in a vision,
began to grow,
for my converse with Him
was so continual.
I saw
- that, though He was God,
He was man also;
- that He is not surprised
at the frailties of men,
- that He understands
our miserable nature,
liable to fall continually,
because of the first sin,
for the reparation of which
He had come.
I could speak to Him as to a friend,
though He is my Lord,
because I do not consider Him
as one of our earthly Lords,
who affect a power they do not possess,
who give audience at fixed hours, and
to whom only certain persons may speak.
If a poor man have
any business with these,
it will cost him many
goings and comings, and
currying favour with others,
together with much pain and labour
before he can speak to them.
Ah, if such a one has business
with a king!
Poor people, not of gentle blood,
cannot approach him,
for they must apply to those
who are his friends,
and certainly these are not persons
who tread the world under their feet;
for they who do this
speak the truth,
fear nothing, and
ought to fear nothing;
they are not courtiers,
because it is not the custom of a court,
where they
must be silent
about those things they dislike,
must not even dare
to think about them,
lest they should fall into disgrace.
8. O King of glory,
and Lord of all kings!
Oh, how Thy kingly dignity
is not hedged about by trifles
of this kind!
Thy kingdom is for ever.
We do not require chamberlains
to introduce us into Thy presence.
The very vision of Thy person
shows us at once
that Thou alone art to be called Lord.
Thy Majesty is so manifest
that there is no need
of a retinue or guard
to make us confess that Thou art King.
An earthly king without attendants
would behardly acknowledged; and
though he might wish ever so much
to be recognised,
people will not own him
when he appears as others;
it is necessary
that his dignity should be visible,
if people are to believe in it.
This is reason enough
why kings should affect so much state;
for if they had none,
no one would respect them;
this their semblance of power is
not in themselves, and
their authority must come to them
from others.
9. O my Lord! O my King!
who can describe Thy Majesty?
It is impossible not to see
that Thou art Thyself
the great Ruler of all,
that the beholding of Thy Majesty
fills men with awe.
But I am filled with greater awe,
O my Lord,
when I consider
Thy humility, and
the love Thou hast for such as I am
We can converse and speak with Thee
about everything whenever we will;
and when we lose our first fear and awe
at the vision of Thy Majesty,
we have a greater dread
of offending Thee,
-- not arising out
of the fear of punishment,
O my Lord, for that is as nothing
in comparison with the loss of Thee!
10. Thus far of the blessings
of this vision,
without speaking of others,
which abide in the soul
when it is past.
If it be from God,
the fruits thereof show it,
when the soul receives light;
for, as I have often said, [565]
the will of our Lord is
that the soul
should be in darkness, and
not see this light.
It is, therefore,
nothing to be wondered at,
that I, knowing myself
to be so wicked as I am,
should be afraid.
11. It is only just now
it happened to me
to be for eight days in a state
wherein it seemed that I
did not, and
could not,
confess my obligations to God, or
remember His mercies;
but my soul was so stupefied,
and occupied with I know
not what
nor how:
not that I had any bad thoughts;
only I was so incapable
of good thoughts,
that I was laughing at myself,
and even rejoicing
to see how mean a soul can be
if God is not always working in it.[566]
The soul sees clearly
that God is not away from it
in this state, and
that it (the soul) is not
in those great tribulations
which I have spoken of
as being occasionally mine.
Though it
heaps up fuel, and
does the little it can do of itself,
it cannot make
the fire of the love of God burn:
it is a great mercy
that even the smoke is visible,
showing that it is not altogether quenched.
Our Lord will return and kindle it;
and until then the soul
-- though it may lose its breath
in blowing and arranging
the fuel --
seems to be doing nothing
but putting it out more and more.
12. I believe
that now the best course is to be
- absolutely resigned,
- confessing
that we can do nothing, and so
- apply ourselves
-- as I said before [567]--
to something else which is meritorious.
Our Lord, it may be,
takes away from the soul
the power of praying,
that it may
betake itself to something else, and
learn by experience
how little it can do
in its own strength.
13. It is true I
have this day been rejoicing
in our Lord, and
have dared to complain
of His Majesty.
I said unto Him:
How is it, O my God,
that it is not enough for Thee
to detain me in this wretched life, and
that I should have to
bear with it for the love of Thee, and
be willing to live
where everything hinders
the fruition of Thee;
where, besides, I must eat
and sleep, transact business,
and converse with every one,
and all for Thy love?
how is it, then,
-- for Thou well knowest,
O my Lord,
all this to be
the greatest torment unto me, --
that, in the rare moments
when I am with Thee,
Thou hidest Thyself from me?
How is this consistent
with Thy compassion?
How can that love
Thou hast for me
endure this?
I believe, O Lord,
if it were possible for me
to hide myself from Thee,
as Thou hidest Thyself from me
-- I think and believe so --
such is Thy love,
that Thou wouldest not endure it
at my hands.
But Thou
art with me, and
seest me always.
O my Lord, I beseech Thee look to this;
it must not be;
a wrong is done to one
who loves Thee so much.
14. I happened to utter these words,
and others of the same kind,
when I should have been thinking rather
how my place in hell was pleasant
in comparison with
the place I deserved.
But now and then
my love makes me foolish,
so that I lose my senses;
only it is with all the sense I have
that I make these complaints,
and our Lord bears it all.
Blessed be so good a King!
15. Can we be thus bold
with the kings of this world?
And yet I am not surprised
that we dare not thus speak to a king,
for it is only reasonable
that men should be afraid of him,
or even to the great lords
who are his representatives.
The world is now come to such a state,
that men's lives ought to be longer
than they are
if we are to learn
all the new customs and ceremonies
of good breeding, and
yet spend any time in the service of God.
I bless myself at the sight
of what is going on.
The fact is, I did not know
how I was to live
when I came into this house.
Any negligence in being
much more ceremonious with people
than they deserve
is not taken as a jest;
on the contrary,
they look upon it as an insult deliberately offered;
so that it becomes necessary for you
to satisfy them of your good intentions,
if there happens, as I have said,
to have been any negligence;
and even then,
God grant they may believe you.
16. I repeat it,
-- I certainly did not know
how to live;
for my poor soul was worn out.
It is told to employ all its thoughts
always on God, and
that it is necessary to do so
if it would avoid many dangers.
On the other hand,
it finds it will not do to fail
in any one point of the world's law,
under the penalty of affronting those
who look upon these things
as touching their honour.
I was worn out in unceasingly
giving satisfaction to people;
for, though I tried my utmost,
I could not help failing
in many ways in matters
which, as I have said,
are not slightly thought of in the world.
17. Is it true that in religious houses
no explanations are necessary,
for it is only reasonable
we should be excused these observances?
Well, that is not so;
for there are people who say
that monasteries ought to be courts
in politeness and instruction.
I certainly cannot understand it.
I thought that perhaps
some saint may have said
that there ought to be courts
to teach those
who wish to be the courtiers of heaven,
and that these people
misunderstood their meaning;
for if a man be careful
to please God continually, and
to hate the world,
as he ought to do,
I do not see
how he can be equally careful
to please those who live in the world
in these matters
which are continually changing.
If they could be learnt once for all,
it might be borne with:
but as to the way of addressing letters,
there ought to be
a professor's chair founded,
from which lectures should be given,
so to speak, teaching us how to do it;
for the paper should on one occasion
be left blank in one corner,
and on another in another corner;
and a man must be addressed
as the illustrious
who was not hitherto addressed
as the magnificent.
18. I know not where this will stop:
I am not yet fifty, and
yet I have seen so many changes
during my life,
that I do not know how to live.
What will they do
who are only just born, and
who may live many years?
Certainly I am sorry
for those spiritual people
who, for certain holy purposes,
are obliged to live in the world;
the cross they have to carry
is a dreadful one.
If they could all agree together, and
make themselves ignorant, and
be willing to be considered so
in these sciences,
they would set themselves free
from much trouble.
But what folly am I about!
from speaking of the greatness of God
I am come to speak
of the meanness of the world!
Since our Lord has given me
the grace to quit it,
I wish to leave it altogether.
Let them settle these matters
who maintain these follies
with so much labour.
God grant that in the next life,
where there is no changing,
we may not have to pay for them!
Amen.
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Foot Notes:
[560] The Saint, having interrupted her account
of her interior life in order to give the history
of the foundation of the monastery of St. Joseph, Avila,
-- the first house
of the Reformed Carmelites, --
here resumes that account broken off
at the end of [411] § 10 of ch. xxxii.
[561] Ephes. i. 14:
"Pignus haereditatis nostrae."
[562] St. John iii. 34:
"Non enim ad mensuram dat Deus spiritum."
[563] [412]Ch. xxviii. §§ 1-5.
[564] See [413]ch. xl. § 24;
Way of Perfection, ch. vii. § 1;
but [414]ch. iv. of the previous editions.
[565] See [415]ch. xx. § 14.
[566] See [416]ch. xxx. § 19.
[567] See [417]ch. xxx. §§ 18, [418]25.
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End of Chapter 37 |
