The Life of Holy Mother
Teresa of Jesus
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus,
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel
CHAPTER 38
She treats of
- the great favours God showed her, and
- how He appeared to her for the first time;
She explains
- what an imaginary vision is, and
- speaks of the powerful effects it leaves and
- the signs whether it is from God.
This chapter is most profitable and noteworthy.
- Certain Heavenly Secrets, Visions, and Revelations.
- The Effects of Them in Her Soul.
______________________
Topics/ Questions
to keep in mind
as we read along:
1). What did St. Teresa say regarding the favors
which she received from God?
[ Life: Ch. 38: # 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9 ]
2). What was her emotional response and
what prudent steps did St. Teresa take
regarding the experience of these favors?
[ Life: Ch. 38: # 2 ]
3). What were the effects on her soul
from the spiritual graces and knowledge
that she received from God ?
[ Life: Ch. 38: # 3, 4, 6, 7, 9 ]
4). What did God ask St. Teresa to tell others?
What was her concern?
[ Life: Ch. 38: #3, 4]
5). How did St. Teresa think
that rapture helped?
[ Life: Ch. 38: # 8, 9 ]
6). In Paragraph #10, St. Teresa said that
"The mercies (already) described,
are not so great...as those
which I am now going to speak of".
What were some of these greater graces?
[ Life: Ch. 38: # 13, 21, 22, 23, 24, 28 ]
7). What did St. Teresa say regarding
the "words of Consecration"?
[ Life: Ch. 38: #30]
_________________________
Chapter 38
1. One night I was so unwell
that I thought I might be excused
making my prayer;
so I took my rosary,
that I might employ myself
in vocal prayer,
trying not to be recollected
in my understanding,
though outwardly I was recollected,
being in my oratory.
These little precautions are of no use
when our Lord will have it otherwise.
I remained there
but a few moments thus,
when I was rapt in spirit
with such violence
that I could make no resistance
whatever.
It seemed to me
that I was taken up to heaven; and
the first persons
I saw there
were my father and my mother.
I saw other things also;
but the time was no longer than that
in which the Ave Maria might be said,
and I was amazed at it,
looking on it all
as too great a grace for me.
But as to the shortness of the time,
it might have been longer,
only it was all done
in a very short space.
2. I was afraid it might be an illusion;
but as I did not think so,
I knew not what to do,
because I was very much ashamed
to go to my confessor about it.
It was not,
as it seemed to me,
because I was humble,
but because I thought
he would laugh at me, and say:
Oh, what a St. Paul!
--she sees the things of heaven;
or a St. Jerome.
And because these glorious Saints
had had such visions,
I was so much the more afraid,
and did nothing but cry;
for I did not think it possible for me
to see what they saw.
At last, though I felt it exceedingly,
I went to my confessor;
for I never dared to keep secret
anything of this kind,
however much it distressed me
to speak of them,
owing to the great fear I had
of being deceived.
When my confessor saw
how much I was suffering,
he consoled me greatly, and
gave me plenty of good reasons
why I should have no fear.
3. It happened, also,
as time went on, and
it happens now
from time to time,
that our Lord showed me
still greater secrets.
The soul, even if it would, has
neither the means
not the power
to see more than
what He shows it;
and so, each time,
I saw nothing more
than what our Lord was pleased
to let me see.
But such was the vision,
that the least part of it
was enough
to make my soul amazed, and
to raise it so high
that it
esteems and
counts as nothing
all the things of this life.
I wish I could describe,
in some measure,
the smallest portion of what I saw;
but when I think of doing it,
I find it impossible;
for the mere difference alone
between
the light we have here below, and
that which is seen in a vision,
-- both being light,--
is so great,
that there is no comparison
between them;
the brightness of the sun itself
seems to be something
exceedingly loathsome.
[ the brightness of the sun
seems quite dull
if compared with the other.
- Peer's translation ]
In a word, the imagination,
however strong it may be, can
neither conceive
nor picture
to itself, this light,
nor any one of the things
which our Lord showed me
in a joy so supreme
that it cannot be described;
for then all the senses exult
so deeply and
so sweetly
that no description is possible;
and so it is better to say nothing more.
4. I was in this state once
for more than an hour,
our Lord showing me wonderful things.
He seemed
as if He would not leave me.
He said to me,
"See, My daughter,
what they lose who are against Me;
do not fail to tell them of it."
Ah, my Lord,
how little good
my words will do them,
who are made blind
by their own conduct,
if Thy Majesty
will not give them light!
Some, to whom Thou hast given it,
there are,
who have profited
by the knowledge of Thy greatness;
but as they see it revealed
to one so wicked and base as I am,
I look upon it as a great thing
if there should be any found
to believe me.
Blessed be Thy name, and
blessed be Thy compassion;
for I can trace,
at least in my own soul,
a visible improvement.
Afterwards I wished
(that) I had continued
in that trance for ever, and
that I had not returned
to consciousness,
because of an abiding sense
of contempt
for everything here below;
all seemed to be filth;
and I see how meanly
we employ ourselves
who are detained on earth.
5. When I was staying with that lady
of whom I have been speaking, [568]
[ Dona Luisa de la Cerda ]
it happened to me once
when I was suffering from my heart,
-- for, as I have said, [569]
I suffered greatly at one time,
though not so much now, --
that she, being a person of great charity,
brought out her
jewels set in gold, and
precious stones of great price, and
particularly a diamond,
which she valued very much.
She thought this might amuse me;
but I laughed to myself,
and was very sorry to see
what men made much of;
for I
- thought of what our Lord
had laid up for us, and
- considered how impossible
it was for me,
even if I made the effort,
to have any appreciation whatever
of such things,
provided our Lord did not permit me
to forget what He was keeping for us.
6. A soul in this state attains
to a certain freedom,
[ has great dominion over itself
- Peer's translation ]
which is so complete
that none can understand it
who does not possess it.
It is a real and true detachment,
independent of our efforts;
God effects it all Himself;
for His Majesty reveals the truth
in such a way,
that it remains so deeply impressed
on our souls
as to make it clear
that we of ourselves
could not thus acquire it
in so short a time.
7. The fear of death, also,
was now very slight in me,
who had always been
in great dread of it;
now it seems to me
that death is a very light thing
for one who serves God,
because the soul is in a moment
delivered thereby out of its prison,
and at rest.
This elevation of the spirit, and
the vision of things so high,
in these trances
seem to me to have a great likeness
to the flight of the soul
from the body,
[ This experience,
in which God bears away the spirit
in these transports and shows it
such excellent things,
seems to me very much like that
in which a soul leaves the body
- Peer's translation ]
in that it finds itself in a moment
in the possession of these good things.
We put aside the agonies
of its dissolution,
of which no great account
is to be made;
for they who love God in truth,
and are utterly detached
from the things of this life,
must die with the greater sweetness.
8. It seems to me, also,
that the rapture was a great help
to recognise our true home, and
to see that we are pilgrims here; [570]
it is a great thing
to see what is going on there and
to know where we have to live;
for if a person has to go and settle
in another country,
it is a great help to him,
in undergoing the fatigues
of his journey,
that he has discovered it
to be a country
where he may live
in the most perfect peace.
Moreover, it makes it easy for us
to think of the things of heaven, and
to have our conversation there. [571]
It is a great gain,
because the mere looking up to heaven
makes the soul recollected;
for as our Lord has been pleased
to reveal heaven in some degree,
my soul dwells upon it in thought;
and it happens occasionally that they
who are about me, and
with whom I find consolation,
are those
whom I know to be living in heaven,
and that I look upon them only
as really alive;
while those who are on earth
are so dead,
that the whole world seems unable
to furnish me with companions,
particularly when these impetuosities
particularly when these impetuosities
of love are upon me.
Everything seems
a dream, and
what I see with the bodily eyes
an illusion.
What I have seen
with the eyes of the soul
is that which my soul desires;
and as it finds itself far away
from those things,
that is death.
9. In a word,
it is a very great mercy
which our Lord gives to that soul
to which He grants the like visions,
for they help it
in much, and also
in carrying a heavy cross,
since
nothing satisfies it, and
everything is against it;
and if our Lord did not now and then
suffer these visions to be forgotten,
though they recur again and again
to the memory,
I know not how life could be borne.
[ If the Lord were not sometimes
to allow these visions
to be forgotten (though later they
return to the remembrance),
I do not know how one could live.
- Peer's translation ]
May He be blessed and praised
for ever and ever!
I implore His Majesty by that Blood
which His Son shed for me,
now that, of His good pleasure,
I know something
of these great blessings, and
begin to have the fruition of them,
that it may not be with me
as it was with Lucifer,
who by his own fault forfeited it all.
I beseech Thee, for Thine own sake,
not to suffer this;
for I am at times in great fear,
though at others, and most frequently,
the mercy of God reassures me,
for He who has delivered me
from so many sins
will not withdraw His hand
from under me,
and let me be lost.
I pray you, my father,
to beg this grace for me always.
10. The mercies,
then, hitherto described,
are not so great, in my opinion,
as those
which I am now going to speak of,
on many accounts,
because of the great blessings
they have brought with them, and
because of the great fortitude
which my soul derived from them;
and yet every one
separately considered
is so great,
that there is nothing
to be compared with them.
11. One day
-- it was the eve of Pentecost --
I went after Mass to a very lonely spot,
where I used to pray very often, and
began to read about the feast
in the book of a Carthusian; [572]
[ The Life of Christ,
by Ludolf of Saxony ]
and reading of the marks (signs)
by which beginners,
proficients, and the perfect
may know
that they have the Holy Ghost,
it seemed to me,
when I had read of these three states,
that by the goodness of God,
so far as I could understand,
the Holy Ghost was with me.
I praised God for it;
and calling to mind
how on another occasion,
when I read this,
I was very deficient,
-- for I saw most distinctly
at that time
how deficient I was then
from what I saw
I was now --
I recognised herein
the great mercy of our Lord to me,
and so began to
consider the place
which my sins had earned
for me in hell, and
praised God exceedingly,
because it seemed as if
I did not know my own soul again,
so great a change had come over it.
12. While thinking of these things,
my soul was carried away
with extreme violence,
and I knew not why.
It seemed as if it would have gone forth
out of the body,
for it could
not contain itself,
nor was it able to hope for
so great a good.
The impetuosity was so excessive
that I had no power left,
and, as I think, different from
what I had been used to.
I knew
not what ailed my soul,
nor what it desired,
for it was so changed.
I leaned for support,
for I could not sit,
because my natural strength
had utterly failed.
13. Then I saw over my head a dove,
very different from those
we usually see,
for it had not the same plumage,
but wings formed of small shells
shining brightly.
It was larger than an ordinary dove;
I thought I heard
the rustling of its wings.
It hovered above me
during the space of an Ave Maria.
But such was the state of my soul,
that in losing itself
it lost also the sight of the dove.
My spirit grew calm with such a guest;
and yet, as I think,
a grace so wonderful might have
disturbed and frightened it;
and as it began to rejoice in the vision,
it was delivered from all fear,
and with the joy came peace,
my soul continuing entranced.
The joy of this rapture
was exceedingly great;
and for the rest of that festal time
I was so amazed and bewildered
that I did
not know what I was doing,
nor how I could have received
so great a grace.
I neither heard
nor saw anything, so to speak,
because of my great inward joy.
From that day forth
I perceived in myself
a very great progress
in the highest love of God,
together with a great increase
in the strength of my virtues.
May He be
blessed and praised for ever!
Amen.
14. On another occasion
I saw that very dove above the head
of one of the Dominican fathers;
but it seemed to me
that the rays and brightness
of the wings were far greater.
I understood by this
that he was to draw souls unto God.
15. At another time
I saw our Lady putting
a cope of exceeding whiteness
on that Licentiate of the same Order,
of whom I have made mention
more than once. [573]
[ Fr. Pedro Ibanez ]
She told me
that she gave him that cope
in consideration of the service
he had rendered her
by helping to found this house, [574]
that it was a sign
- that she would preserve his soul
pure for the future, and
- that he should not fall into mortal sin.
I hold it for certain
that so it came to pass,
for he died within a few years;
his death and the rest of his life were
so penitential,
his whole life and death
so holy,
that, so far as anything can be known,
there cannot be a doubt
on the subject.
One of the friars present at his death
told me that,
before he breathed his last,
he said to him
that St. Thomas was with him. [575]
He died in great joy,
longing to depart
out of this land of exile.
16. Since then he has
appeared to me more than once
in exceedingly great glory, and
told me certain things.
He was so given to prayer, that
when he was dying, and
would have interrupted it
if he could
because of his great weakness,
he was not able to do so;
for he was often in a trance.
[ He was such a man of prayer
that although, before he died,
he was so weak
that he would have liked
to cease praying,
he was so often in rapture
that he could not do so.
- Peer's translation ]
He wrote to me
not long before he died, and
asked me what he was to do;
for as soon as he had said Mass
he fell into a trance
which lasted a long time, and
which he could not hinder.
At last God gave him the reward
of the many services of his whole life.
17. I had certain visions, too,
of the great graces
which our Lord bestowed upon
that rector of the Society of Jesus,
of whom I have spoken already
more than once; [576]
[ Fr. Gaspar de Salazar ]
but I will not say anything of them now,
lest I should be too tedious.
It was his lot once
to be in great trouble,
to suffer
great persecution and distress.
One day, when I was hearing Mass,
I saw Christ on the Cross
at the elevation of the Host.
He spoke certain words to me,
which I was to repeat to that father
for his comfort,
together with others,
which were
to warn him beforehand
of what was coming, and
to remind him
of what He had suffered
on his behalf, and
that he must prepare for suffering.
This gave him
great consolation and courage;
and everything came to pass afterwards
and everything came to pass afterwards
as our Lord had told me.
18. I have seen great things
of members of the Order
to which this father belongs,
which is the Society of Jesus, and
of the whole Order itself;
I have occasionally seen them in heaven
with white banners in their hands, and
I have had other
most wonderful visions about them,
as I am saying, and therefore
(I) have a great veneration
for this Order;
for I have had a great deal to do
with those who are of it, and
I see that their lives are conformed
to that which our Lord gave me
to understand about them.
19. One night, when I was in prayer,
our Lord spoke to me certain words,
whereby He made me remember
the great wickedness of my past life.
They filled me with shame and distress;
for though
they were not spoken
with severity,
they caused
a feeling and a painfulness
which were too much for me:
and we feel that
we make greater progress
in the knowledge of ourselves
when we hear one of these words,
than we can make
than we can make
by a meditation of many days
on our own misery,
because these words
impress the truth upon us
at the same time in such a way
that we cannot resist it.
[ A single word of this kind
makes a person more keenly aware
of his advance in self-knowledge
than do many days
spent in meditating
upon his own wretchedness,
for it bears a stamp of truth
the reality of which none can deny.
- Peers translation ]
He set before me
the former inclinations to vanities
of my will, and
told me to make much
of the desire I now had
that my will,
which had been so ill employed,
should be fixed on Him, and
that He would accept it.
20. On other occasions He told me
to remember how I used to think it
an honourable thing to go
against His honour; and, again,
to remember my debt to Him,
for when I was most rebellious
He was bestowing His graces
upon me.
If I am doing anything wrong
-- and my wrong-doings are many --
His Majesty makes me see it
in such a way
that I am utterly confounded;
and as I do so often,
that happens often also.
I have been found fault
with by my confessors occasionally;
and on betaking myself to prayer
for consolation,
have received a real reprimand.
21. To return to what I was speaking of.
When our Lord made me
remember my wicked life,
I wept;
for as I considered
that I had then never done any good,
I thought He might be about to bestow
upon me some special grace;
because most frequently,
when I receive any particular mercy
from our Lord,
it is when I have been
previously greatly humiliated,
in order that I may the more clearly see
how far I am from deserving it.
I think our Lord must do it for that end.
22. Almost immediately after this
I was so raised up in spirit
that I thought myself to be, as it were,
out of the body;
at least, I did not know
that I was living in it (the body). [577]
I had a vision
of the most Sacred Humanity
in exceeding glory, greater than
I had ever seen It in before.
I beheld It in a wonderful and clear way
in the bosom of the Father.
I cannot tell how it was,
for I saw myself, without seeing,
as it seemed to me,
in the presence of God.
My amazement was such
that I remained,
as I believe, some days
before I could recover myself.
I had continually before me,
as present,
the Majesty of the Son of God,
though not so distinctly
as in the vision.
I understood this well enough;
but the vision remained so impressed
on my imagination,
that I could not get rid of it
for some time,
though it had lasted but a moment;
it is a great comfort to me,
and also a great blessing.
23. I have had this vision
on three other occasions,
and it is, I think,
the highest vision of all the visions
which our Lord in His mercy
showed me.
The fruits of it are the very greatest,
for it seems to
- purify the soul in a wonderful way, and
- destroy, as it were utterly, altogether
the strength of our sensual nature.
It is a grand flame of fire,
which seems to burn up and annihilate
all the desires of this life.
For though now -- glory be to God!--
I had no desire after vanities,
I saw clearly in the vision
how all things are vanity, and
how hollow are all the dignities of earth;
it was a great lesson,
teaching me to raise up my desires
to the Truth alone.
It impresses on the soul
a sense of the presence of God
such as I cannot in any way describe,
only it is very different
from that which it is in our own power
to acquire on earth.
It fills the soul
with profound astonishment
at its own daring, and
at any one else being able to dare
to offend His most awful Majesty.
24. I must have spoken now and then
of the effects of visions, [578] and
of other matters of the same kind, and
I have already said
that the blessings they bring with them
are of various degrees;
but those of this vision
are the highest of all.
When I went to Communion once
I called to mind
the exceeding great majesty of Him
I had seen,
and considered
that it was He who is present
in the most Holy Sacrament,
and very often our Lord was pleased
to show Himself to me in the Host;
the very hairs on my head stood, [579]
and I thought I should come to nothing.
25. O my Lord!
ah, if Thou didst not throw a veil
over Thy greatness,
who would dare,
being so foul and miserable,
to come in contact
with Thy great Majesty?
Blessed be Thou, O Lord;
may the angels and all creation
praise Thee,
who orderest all things according
to the measure of our weakness,
so that,
when we have the fruition
of Thy sovereign mercies,
Thy great power may not terrify us,
so that we dare not,
being a frail and miserable race,
persevere in that fruition!
[ we may not be so much affrighted
by Thy great power
as not to dare,
because we are weak
and miserable creatures,
to rejoice in those favours.
- Peer's translation ]
26. It might happen to us
as it did to the labourer
-- I know it to be a certain fact --
who found a treasure
beyond his expectations,
which were mean.
When he saw himself in possession of it,
he was seized with melancholy,
which by degrees brought him
to his grave through simple
distress and anxiety of mind,
because he did not know
what to do with his treasure.
If he had not found it all at once, and
if others had given him portions
of it by degrees,
maintaining him thereby,
he might have been more happy
than he had been in his poverty,
nor would it have cost him his life.
27. O Thou Treasure of the poor!
how marvellously Thou sustainest souls,
showing to them,
not all at once,
but by little and little,
the abundance of Thy riches!
When I behold Thy great Majesty
hidden beneath that which is so slight
as the Host is,
I am filled with wonder,
ever since that vision,
at Thy great wisdom;
and I know not how it is
that our Lord gives me
the strength and courage necessary
to draw near to him,
were it
not that He who
has had
such compassion on me, and
still has,
gives me strength,
nor would it be possible for me to
be silent, or
refrain from making known
marvels so great.
28. What must be the thoughts
of a wretched person such as I am,
full of abominations,
and who has spent her life
with so little fear of God,
when she draws near
to our Lord's great Majesty,
at the moment He is pleased
to show Himself to my soul?
How can I open my mouth,
that has uttered
so many words against Him,
to receive that most glorious Body,
purity and compassion itself?
The love that is visible
in His most beautiful Face,
sweet and tender,
pains and distresses the soul,
because it has not served Him,
more than all the terrors of His Majesty.
What should have been my thoughts,
then, on those two occasions
when I saw what I have described?
Truly, O my Lord and my joy,
I am going to say that in some way,
in these great afflictions of my soul,
I have done something in Thy service.
Ah! I know not what I am saying,
for I am writing this
as if the words were not mine, [580]
because I am troubled, and
in some measure beside myself,
when I call these things to remembrance.
If these thoughts were really mine,
I might well say
that I had done something for Thee,
O my Lord;
but as I can have no good thought
if Thou givest it not,
no thanks are due to me;
I am the debtor, O Lord, and
it is Thou who art the offended One.
29. Once, when I was
going to Communion,
I saw
with the eyes of the soul,
more distinctly than
with those of the body,
two devils of most hideous shape;
their horns seemed to encompass
the throat of the poor priest; and
I beheld my Lord, in that great majesty
of which I have spoken, [581]
held in the hands of that priest
in the Host he was about to give me.
It was plain that those hands
were those of a sinner, and
I felt that the soul of that priest
was in mortal sin.
What must it be, O my Lord,
to look upon Thy beauty
amid shapes so hideous!
The two devils were so frightened
and cowed in Thy presence,
that they seemed as if
they would have willingly run away,
hadst Thou but given them leave.
So troubled was I by the vision,
that I knew not
how I could go to Communion.
I was also in great fear, for I thought,
if the vision was from God,
that His Majesty would
not have allowed me to see
the evil state of that soul. [582]
30. Our Lord Himself told me
- to pray for that priest;
- that He had allowed this
in order that I might understand
-- the power
of the words of consecration, and
-- how God failed not to be present,
however wicked the priest might be
who uttered them; and
-- that I might see His great goodness
in that He left Himself
in the very hands of His enemy,
for my good and
for the good of all.
I understood clearly
- how the priests are
under greater obligations to be holy
than other persons; and
- what a horrible thing it is
to receive this most Holy Sacrament
unworthily, and
- how great is the devil's dominion
over a soul in mortal sin.
It did me a great service, and
made me fully understand
what I owe to God.
May He be blessed for evermore!
31. At another time I had a vision
of a different kind,
which frightened me very much.
I was in a place
where a certain person died,
who as I understood
had led a very bad life,
and that for many years.
But he had been ill for two years,
and in some respects
seemed to have reformed.
He died without confession;
nevertheless, I did not think
he would be damned.
When the body had been wrapped
in the winding-sheet,
I saw it laid hold of
by a multitude of devils,
who seemed to toss it to and fro,
and also to treat it with great cruelty.
I was terrified at the sight,
for they dragged it about
with great hooks.
But when I saw it carried to the grave
with all the respect and ceremoniousness
common to all,
I began to think of the goodness of God,
who would not allow that person
to be dishonoured,
but would have the fact
of his being His enemy concealed.
32. I was almost out of my senses
at the sight.
During the whole of the funeral service,
I did not see one of the evil spirits.
Afterwards, when the body was about
to be laid in the grave,
so great a multitude of them
was therein waiting to receive it,
that I was beside myself at the sight,
and it required no slight courage
on my par,t not to betray my distress.
I thought of the treatment
which that soul would receive,
when the devils had such power
over the wretched body.
Would to God that all
who live in mortal sin
might see what I then saw,
-- it was a fearful sight;
it would go, I believe, a great way
towards making them lead better lives.
33. All this made me know more
of what I owe to God, and
of the evils from which
He has delivered me.
I was in great terror.
I spoke of it to my confessor, and
I thought it might be an illusion of Satan,
in order to take away my good opinion
of that person,
who yet was not accounted
a very good Christian.
The truth is, that,
whether it was an illusion or not,
it makes me afraid whenever I think of it.
34. Now that I have begun to speak
of the visions I had concerning the dead,
I will mention some matters which
our Lord was pleased to reveal to me
in relation to certain souls.
I will confine myself to a few
for the sake of brevity, and
because they are not necessary;
I mean that they are not for our profit.
They told me that one
who had been our Provincial
-- he was then
of another province --
was dead.
He was a man of great virtue,
with whom I had had a great deal to do,
and to whom I was under
many obligations
for certain kindnesses shown me.
When I heard that he was dead,
I was exceedingly troubled,
because I trembled for his salvation,
seeing that he had been superior
for twenty years.
That is what I dread very much;
for the cure of souls seems to me
to be full of danger.
I went to an oratory in great distress,
and gave up to him
all the good I had ever done
in my whole life,
-- it was little enough, --
and prayed our Lord
that His merits might fill up
what was wanting,
in order that this soul might be
delivered up from purgatory.
35. While I was thus praying to our Lord
as well as I could,
he seemed to me to rise up
from the depths of the earth
on my right hand,
and I saw him ascend to heaven
in exceeding great joy.
He was a very old man then,
but I saw him
as if he were only thirty years old,
and I thought even younger, and
there was a brightness in his face.
This vision passed away very quickly;
but I was so exceedingly comforted by it,
that I could never again
that I could never again
mourn his death,
although many persons were distressed
at it,
for he was very much beloved.
So greatly comforted was my soul,
that nothing disturbed it,
neither could I doubt the truth
of the vision;
I mean that it was no illusion.
36. I had this vision about a fortnight
after he was dead;
nevertheless, I did not omit
to obtain prayers for him
and I prayed myself,
only I could not pray
with the same earnestness
that I should have done
if I had not seen that vision.
For when our Lord showed him thus
to me,
it seemed to me afterwards,
when I prayed for him to His Majesty,
-- and I could not help it, --
that I was like one
who gave alms to a rich man.
Later on I heard an account of the death
he died in our Lord
--he was far away from here;
it was one of such great edification,
that he left all (people) wondering
[ ( everyone was astounded
- Peer's translation ) ]
to see
how recollected,
how penitent, and
how humble
he was when he died.
37. A nun, who was
a great servant of God,
died in this house.
On the next day one of the sisters
was reciting the lesson
in the Office of the Dead,
which was said in choir
for that nun's soul,
and I was standing myself to assist her
in singing the versicle,
when, in the middle of the lesson,
I saw the departed nun as I believe,
in a vision;
her soul seemed to rise on my right
like the soul of the Provincial,
and ascend to heaven.
This vision was not imaginary,
like the preceding,
but like those others
of which I have spoken before; [583]
it is not less certain,
however, than the other visions I had.
38. Another nun died
in this same house of mine,
she was about eighteen or twenty
years of age, and
had always been sickly.
She was
a great servant of God,
attentive in choir, and
a person of great virtue.
I certainly thought
that she would not go to purgatory,
on account
of her exceeding merits,
because the infirmities under which
she had laboured were many.
While I was saying the Office,
before she was buried,
-- she had been dead
about four hours, --
I saw her
rise in the same place and
ascend to heaven.
39. I was once
in one of the colleges
of the Society of Jesus, and
in one of those great sufferings
which, as I have said, [584]
I occasionally had, and still have,
both in soul and body,
and then so grievously
that I was not able,
as it seemed to me,
to have even one good thought.
as it seemed to me,
to have even one good thought.
The night before,
one of the brothers of that house
had died in it;
and I, as well as I could, was
commending his soul to God, and
hearing the Mass
which another father of that Society
was saying for him
when I became recollected at once, and
saw him go up to heaven in great glory,
and our Lord with him.
I understood that His Majesty
went with him by way of special grace.
40. Another brother of our Order,
a good friar, was very ill; and
when I was at Mass,
I became recollected and
saw him dead,
entering into heaven
without going through purgatory.
He died, as I afterwards learned,
at the very time of my vision.
I was amazed
that he had not gone to purgatory.
I understood that, having
become a friar and
carefully kept the rule,
the Bulls of the Order
had been of use to him,
so that he did not pass into purgatory.
I do not know
why I came to have this revealed to me;
I think it must be
because I was to learn
that it is not enough for a man
to be a friar in his habit
-- I mean, to wear the habit --
to attain to that state of high perfection
which that of a friar is.
41. I will speak no more of these things,
because as I have just said, [585]
there is no necessity for it,
though our Lord has been
so gracious to me
as to show me much.
But in all the visions I had,
I saw no souls escape purgatory except
this Carmelite father,
the holy friar Peter of Alcantara, and
that Dominican father
of whom I spoke before. [586]
It pleased our Lord
to let me see the degree of glory
to which some souls have been raised,
showing them to me
in the places they occupy.
There is a great difference between
one place and another.
__________________________
[568] [419]Ch. xxxiv.
Dona Luisa de la Cerda, at Toledo.
[569] [420]Ch. iv. § 6.
[570] 1 St. Peter ii. 11:
"Advenas et peregrinos."
[571] Philipp. iii. 20:
"Nostra autem conversatio in coelis est."
[572] The Life of Christ,
by Ludolf of Saxony.
[573] F. Pedro Ibanez.
See [421]ch. xxxiii. § 5,
[422]ch. xxxvi. § 23.
"This father died Prior of Trianos,"
is written on the margin of the MS.
by F. Banes
(De la Fuente).
[574] St. Joseph, Avila,
where St. Teresa was living at this time.
[575] See below, [423]§ 41.
[576] F. Gaspar de Salazar:
see [424]ch. xxxiii. § 9,
[425]ch. xxxiv. § 2.
It appears from the 179th letter
of the Saint
(lett. 20, vol. i. of the Doblado edition)
that F. Salazar was reported
to his Provincial, F. Juan Suarez,
to his Provincial, F. Juan Suarez,
as having desire to quit the Society
for the Carmelite Order.
[577] 2 Cor. xii. 2:
"Sive in corpore nescio,
sive extra corpus nescio."
[578] See [426]ch. xxviii.
[579] Job iv. 15:
"Inhorruerunt pili carnis meae"
[580] The biographers of the Saint
say that she often found,
say that she often found,
on returning from an ecstasy,
certain passages written,
but not by herself;
this seems to be alluded to here
(De la Fuente).
[581] [427] § 22.
[582] St. John of the Cross,
[428]Ascent of Mount Carmel,
bk. ii. ch. xxvi.
vol. i. p. 183.
[583] See [429]ch. xxvii.
[584] [430]Ch. xxx. § 9.
[585] [431]§ 34.
[586] [432]§ 15. Fr. Pedro Ibanez.
| End of Chapter 38 |
