Chapter 10 - The Life of St.Teresa of Jesus - Autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila

The Life of the Holy Mother
   Teresa of Jesus

     "The Life" 
The Life of St. Teresa of Jesus
of the Order of Our Lady of Carmel


Topics / Questions  
   to keep in mind
  as we read along:


1a). In paragraph #1, what prayer experience 
            did St. Teresa describe?
             [ Life: Ch. 10: # 1 ]

1b). How does St. Teresa 
           define mystical theology 
           and the effects on the faculties?
             [ Life: Ch. 10: # 1 ]

2). In paragraph #2, St. Teresa describes
         her prayer state 
       that she experienced 
         prior to her experience of 
       consciousness of the presence of God
         and mystical theology.

2a). How does she describe 
           her previous prayer state? 
            [ Life: Ch. 10: # 2 ]
2b). Can one totally earn this prayer state 
           or is it a gift of God? 
           [ Life: Ch. 10: # 2, 3 ]
2c). What, if anything, can be attempted 
           by one's own effort? 
            [ Life: Ch. 10: # 2, 3 ]
2d). What does she recommend one to do?
           [ Life: Ch. 10: # 2]
2e). How does she describe 
           the benefits of this prayer state? 
             [ Life: Ch. 10: # 2 ]

3). How does St. Teresa advise one 
        who has received the grace 
           of this prayer state, 
           ("tenderness in devotion") ?
             [ Life: Ch. 10: # 3 ]


4a). In Paragraph #4, St. Teresa warns of
         two mistakes regarding Humility.
          What are these mistakes and 
          Why does she say these are mistakes? 
             [ Life: Ch. 10: # 4, 5 ]

4b). What does she advise the soul 
           to do in accordance with humility? 
             [ Life: Ch. 10: # 4, 5, 6 ]


5a). What is the "precious pearl" 
            which St. Teresa advises us 
              to remember, 
         which powerfully invites us to love."? 
           [ Life: Ch. 10: # 7, 6, 5 ]

5b). Of what, is this the fruit?
         and what "must we acknowledge"? 
           [ Life: Ch. 10: #7] 

6). In Paragraph #8, St. Teresa continues 
        to discuss and clarify "the condition 
       on which the Lord "dispenses His treasures".

6a). What does she recommend people do?
           [ Life: Ch. 10: # 8 ]

6b). What does she say regarding
            our (human) nature and 
          Why is the acknowledgement of God's
            love and gifts important?
            [ Life: Ch. 10: # 8,9 ]

7). According to a manuscript footnote #5,
          the Confessors "to whom this is to be sent, 
          was F. Pedro Ybañez, 
          of the Order of St. Dominic 
       Of what was St. Teresa instructed 
           to give an account? 
             [ Life: Ch. 10: # 13, 10 ]

8 ). What warning does St. Teresa give 
        regarding the ability to understand 
          her description of 
       "these matters which concern prayer"? 
          [ Life: Ch. 10: # 14 ]
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Chapter 10
She begins to explain
- the graces God gave her in prayer, and
- how much we can do for ourselves, and
- of the importance of understanding
      God's mercies towards us.

- She requests those to whom this is to be sent
  to keep the remainder (of this book) secret,
    since they have commanded her
    to go into so many details
    about the graces God has shown her.

- The Graces She Received in Prayer.
- What We Can Do Ourselves.
- The Great Importance of Understanding
    What Our Lord Is Doing for Us.
- She Desires Her Confessors
    to Keep Her Writings Secret,
  Because of the Special Graces
    of Our Lord to Her,
  Which They Had Commanded Her
    to Describe.

1. I used to have at times, as I have said, [1]
       though it used to pass quickly away--
certain commencements of that
     which I am going now to describe.

When I formed those pictures
    within myself
of throwing myself at the feet of Christ,
  as I said before, [2] and

sometimes even when I was reading,
  a feeling of the presence of God
would come over me unexpectedly,

so that I could
   in no wise doubt
either that He was within me,
  or that I was wholly absorbed in Him.

It was not by way of vision;
I believe it was
   what is called mystical theology.

The soul is suspended in such a way
   that it seems to be
      utterly beside itself.

The will loves;

the memory,
     so it seems to me,
   is as it were lost;

and the understanding,
   so I think, makes no reflections--
yet is not lost:
   as I have just said,
it is not at work,
   but it stands as if amazed
at the greatness of the things
   it understands;

for God wills it to understand
   that it understands nothing whatever
of that which His Majesty places before it.

2. Before this,
I had a certain tenderness of soul
  which was
  - very abiding,
  - partially attainable,
        I believe, in some measure,
     by our own efforts:
  - a consolation which is
       not wholly in the senses,
       nor yet altogether in the spirit,
- but is all of it the gift of God.

However, I think we can contribute much
  towards the attaining of it
by considering
 - our vileness and
 - our ingratitude towards God--
      the great things He has done for us--
 - His Passion, with its grievous pains and
 - His life, so full of sorrows;
 also,
by rejoicing in the contemplation
 - of His works,
 - of His greatness, and
 - of the love that He bears us.

Many other considerations there are
  which he who really desires to make progress
     will often stumble on,
though he may not be very much
  on the watch for them.

If with this,
  there be a little love,
    - the soul is comforted,
    - the heart is softened,
         and tears flow.

Sometimes it seems that
  we do violence to ourselves and weep;
at other times, our Lord seems to do so,
 so that we have no power to resist Him.

His Majesty seems
  to reward this slight carefulness of ours
with so grand a gift as is this consolation
  which He ministers to the soul
of seeing itself weeping for so great a Lord.

I am not surprised;
  for the soul has reason enough,
and more than enough, for its joy.
Here it comforts itself--here it rejoices.

3. The comparison
        which now presents itself
     seems to me to be good.

These joys in prayer are like
   what those of heaven must be.

As the vision of the saints,
   which is measured
       by their merits there,
   reaches no further
       than our Lord wills, and
as the blessed see
   how little merit they had,
     every one of them is satisfied
   with the place assigned him:
  there being the very greatest difference
between one joy and another in heaven,
  and much greater than between
one spiritual joy and another on earth--
 which is, however, very great.

And in truth, in the beginning,
 a soul
    in which God works this grace
  thinks that now
it has scarcely anything more to desire,
and counts itself abundantly rewarded
  for all the service it has rendered Him.

And there is reason for this:
 for one of those tears--
    which, as I have just said,
    - are almost in our own power,
    - though without God
        nothing can be done--
   cannot, in my opinion,
  be purchased with all the labours
    of the world,
because of the great gain it brings us.

And what greater gain
   can we have
than some testimony of
  our having pleased God?

Let him, then,
  who shall have attained to this,
  - give praise unto God-
  - acknowledge himself to be
      one of His greatest debtors;
because it seems to be His will
  to take him into His house,
having chosen him for His kingdom,
  if he does not turn back.

4. Let him not regard
certain kinds of humility which exist,
  and of which I mean to speak. [3]

Some think it humility
   not to believe
that God is bestowing His gifts
   upon them.

Let us clearly understand this,
  and that it is perfectly clear
God bestows His gifts
  without any merit whatever
    on our part;

and let us be grateful to His Majesty for them;

for if we do not recognize the gifts
  received at His hands,
we shall never be moved to love Him.

It is a most certain truth,
that the richer we see ourselves to be,
 confessing at the same time our poverty,
the greater will be our progress,
  and the more real our humility.

5. An opposite course tends
   to take away all courage;

for we shall think ourselves
   incapable of great blessings,
if we begin to frighten ourselves
  with the dread of vain-glory
when our Lord begins
  to show His mercy upon us. [4]

Let us believe that
 He Who gives these gifts
    will also,
 when the devil begins
    to tempt us herein,
give us
 - the grace to detect him, and
 - the strength to resist him--

that is, He will do so
 if we walk in simplicity before God,
   aiming at pleasing Him only,
 and not men.

It is a most evident truth,
  that our love for a person is greater,
the more distinctly we remember
 the good he has done us.

6. If, then,
it is lawful, and so meritorious,
  always to remember
  - that we have our being from God,
  - that He has created us out of nothing,
  - that He preserves us,
  and also to remember
  - all the benefits of His death and Passion,
    which He suffered
       long before He made us
    for every one of us now alive--

why should it not be lawful
   for me to
      - discern,
      - confess, and
      - consider often
     that I was once accustomed
         to speak of vanities,
and that now
  our Lord has given me
the grace to speak only of Himself?

7. Here, then, is a precious pearl,
which, when we remember
  that it is given us,
and that we have it in possession,
  powerfully invites us to love.

All this is the
 - fruit of prayer
 - founded on humility.

What, then, will it be
  when we shall find ourselves
in possession of other pearls
  of greater price,
such as
 - contempt of the world
 - and of self,
which some servants of God
  have already received?

It is clear that
- such souls
    must consider themselves
    - - greater debtors-
    - - under greater obligations
         to serve Him:
- we must acknowledge that
        we have nothing of ourselves, and
- confess the munificence of our Lord,
    Who, on a soul
       so wretched and poor, and
       so utterly undeserving, as mine is,--
     for whom the first of these pearls
       was enough,
         and more than enough,--
     would bestow greater riches
         than I could desire.

8. We must
  - renew our strength to serve Him, and
  - strive not to be ungrateful,
because it is on this condition
  that our Lord dispenses His treasures;

for if we do not make a good use
 - of them, and
 - of the high estate to which He raises us,
He will return and take them from us,
    and we shall be poorer than ever.

His Majesty will give the pearls to him
  who shall
   - bring them forth and
   - employ them usefully
        for himself and others.

For how shall he be useful, and
       how shall he spend liberally,
who does not know that he is rich?

It is not possible, I think,
  our nature being what it is,
that he can have the courage
  necessary for great things
who does not know
  that God is on his side;

for so miserable are we,
     so inclined to the things
          of this world,
  that he can hardly have
     - any real abhorrence of,
     - with great detachment from,
     all earthly things
  who does not see
that he holds some pledges
  for those things that are above.

It is by these gifts
 that our Lord gives us that strength
which we through our sins have lost.

9. A man will hardly wish
to be held in contempt and abhorrence,

nor will he seek after the other great virtues
   to which the perfect attain,

if he has not some pledges
  of the love which God bears him,
together with a living faith.

Our nature is so dead,
 that we go after that
which we see immediately before us;

and it is these graces, therefore,
  that quicken and strengthen our faith.

It may well be that I,
  who am so wicked,
measure others by myself,
and that others require nothing more
  than the verities of the faith,
in order to render their works
  most perfect;

while I, wretched that I am!
  have need of everything.

10. Others will explain this.
I speak from my own experience,
  as I have been commanded;

and if what I say be not correct,
  let him [5] to whom I send it
destroy it;

for he knows better than I do
  what is wrong in it.

I entreat him, for the love of our Lord,
  to publish abroad
what I have thus far said
  of my wretched life, and
  of my sins.

I give him leave to do so;
and to all my confessors, also,
  --of whom he is one--
to whom this is to be sent,
  if it be their pleasure,
even during my life,

so that I may no longer deceive people
  who think there must be
some good in me. [6]

Certainly, I speak in all sincerity,
  so far as I understand myself.
Such publication will give me
  great comfort.

11. But as to that
which I am now going to say,
  I give no such leave;
nor, if it be shown to any one,
  do I consent to its being said
who the person is
  whose experience it describes,
nor who wrote it.

This is why I mention
  - neither my own name,
  - nor that of any other person
       whatever.

I have written it
   in the best way I could,
in order not to be known;

and this I beg of them
  for the love of God.

Persons so learned and grave
   as they are [7]
have authority enough
  to approve of whatever right things
  I may say,
should our Lord give me
  the grace to do so;

and if I should say anything
   of the kind,
it will be His,
  and not mine--
because I am neither learned
  nor of good life,
and I have no person of learning
 or any other to teach me;

for they only
   who ordered me to write
know that I am writing,
  and at this moment
they are not here.

I have, as it were,
  to steal the time,
and that with difficulty,
 because my writing
  hinders me from spinning.

I am living in a house
  that is poor,
and have many things to do. [8]

If, indeed, our Lord had given me
  greater abilities
  and a better memory,
I might then profit
  by what I have seen and read;
but my abilities are very slight.

If, then, I should say anything
  that is right,
our Lord will have it said
  for some good purpose;

that which may be wrong
  will be mine, and
your reverence will strike it out.

12. In neither case will it be
of any use to publish my name:

during my life, it is clear
 that no good I may have done
ought to be told;

after death,
 there is no reason against it,
except that it will lose
    all authority and credit,
because related of a person
 so vile and so wicked as I am.

And because I think
  your reverence and the others
  who may see this writing
will do this that I ask of you,
  for the love of our Lord,
I write with freedom.

If it were not so,
 I should have great scruples,
except in declaring my sins:
 and in that matter
I should have none at all.

For the rest,
   it is enough
that I am a woman
   to make my sails droop:
how much more, then,
  when I am
     a woman, and
     a wicked one?

13. So, then, everything here
beyond the simple story of my life
 your reverence must take upon yourself
--since you have so pressed me
 to give some account of the graces
which our Lord bestowed
  upon me in prayer

--if it be consistent with the truths
 of our holy Catholic faith;
if it be not,
 your reverence must burn it at once--
for I give my consent.

I will recount my experience,
  in order that,
if it be consistent with those truths,
  your reverence may make
some use of it;

if not,
  you will deliver my soul
    from delusion,
so that Satan may gain nothing there
  where I seemed to be gaining myself.

Our Lord knows well that I,
  as I shall show hereafter, [9]
have always laboured
 to find out those
who could give me light.

14. How clear soever
   I may wish
to make my account of that
   which relates to prayer,
it will be obscure enough
  for those who are without experience.

I shall speak of certain hindrances,
  which, as I understand it,
keep men from advancing
  on this road--
and of other things
  which are dangerous,
as our Lord has taught me
  by experience.

I have also discussed the matter
  with men of great learning,
  with persons
  - who for many years
      had lived spiritual lives,
  - who admit that,
      in the twenty-seven years only
      during which I have
      given myself to prayer--
    though I walked so ill,
    and stumbled so often
      on the road--
His Majesty granted me
      that experience
  which others attain to
      in  seven-and-thirty,
      or seven-and-forty, years;
  and they, too, being persons
who ever advanced in the way
    of penance and of virtue.

15. Blessed be God for all,
and may His infinite Majesty
   make use of me!

Our Lord knoweth well
  that I have no other end in this
than that He may be praised
  and magnified a little,
when men shall see
 that on a dunghill
    so foul and rank
He has made a garden of flowers
    so sweet.

May it please His Majesty
 that I may not
by my own fault
  root them out,
and become again
 what I was before.

And I entreat your reverence,
 for the love of our Lord,
to beg this of Him for me,
seeing that you have
  a clearer knowledge
of what I am
than you have allowed me
 to give of myself here.
____________________
1. The Saint interrupts
  her history here
to enter on the difficult questions
 of mystical theology,
and resumes it in ch. 23
2. Ch. 9: #4
3. Ch. 30: #10, 11   
4. See ch. 13: #5 
5. F. Pedro Ybañez,
    of the Order of St. Dominic.
6. See ch. 30: # 17   
7. See ch. 15: #12   
8. See ch. 14: # 12    
9. See ch. 24: # 5 
________________________